Quote of the Day - Part Two:

"The only enemy of art is taste."
-Thomas Hoving

I found this painful/embarrassing and yet a somewhat amusing look at stereotypes among the evangelical culture: http://www.stuffchristianculturelikes.com/

1 John 1

What was from the beginning, what we have heard, what we have seen with our eyes, what we have looked at and touched with our hands, concerning the Word of Life--and the life was manifested, and we have seen and testify and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was manifested to us--what we have seen and heard we proclaim to you also, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son Jesus Christ. These things we write, so that our joy may be made complete.

This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us.

"In the Light" - dc Talk

"Day of Pigs" - Roper

Saturday
I could feet the crowd's dismay
They've acquired quite a fire
to burn the profane on a funeral pyre
Voices shrill
cutting silence like they mean to kill
Some pep rally where we scream His name
like God was loosing in a football game

I don't want to waste His name this time
I will never cast Him to the swine
(Grasping at some feeling you once knew
is nothing sacred ever safe with you?)

Silver tongues
all the spirit of an iron lung
Selling highs as if we needed one
Flash the lights so not be outdone
Counterfeit
wanting joy so much we take a hit
like a tapeworm deep in hunger digs
Waste the sacred just to feed these pigs

I don't want to waste His name this time
I will never cast Him to the swine
(Grasping at some feeling you once knew
is nothing sacred ever safe with you?)

If this is real, then you must find it
between the space of grace and grim
It's nothing you can manufacture
your walls cannot contain Him

"We Are to Follow" - Blindside

Fire Encasing my Soul

I feel You tonight,
just tonight
I hear that voice
that called me,
called out to me at creation
speaking unspeakable wonders
as I drifted alone,
never knowing a soul,
never knowing I was made
just made for something so much more.

I'm drunk off our love,
the grace that bought me
the mercy that saved me
I'm casting about
with no footing
praying I find You
at the end of this long night.

This closer to death
I never felt more alive
hearing You call
and feeling the touch
knowing this world is crashing
and soon,
so very soon the veil of the sky
will be ripped back
and torn in two
just like in the temple
and no more will we cry alone,
no more hurt
no more disease.

No longer will we feel alone
but this divide
that seemingly was eternal
will be cast aside
and Love,
perfect, pure, infinite Love
filling my sight
and filling me
with such love
that I'm drunk again.
I can't stand,
move or talk,
I lay here overwhelmed
knowing that,
knowing what it means
to be forever loved.

Could someone please explain why I have had Abba's song "Dancing Queen" stuck in my head for two and a half weeks?

Aww shucks...someone quoted ME on facebook. ^_^

Quote of the Day:

"If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favourable."
-Seneca

Old Thoughts, Fears Beloved Run Amuck

I have such a way of viewing things...that I am surprised I have as many relationships as I have.

Am I not being true to myself?
Or to Jesus?

I don't like to offend people but my Love is something I will never compromise on...I can't stand the thought of how my sins have caused so much infinite pain...so I refuse to see out my Love just to make life easier.

I want to love like I never have been able to, I want to change so I can be more of a light to the world...I want to go Home so badly but I'm here for a reason...I'm so tired, my body aches so completely and my soul is exhausted...Father, give me strength to run this race.

I want to give up, I want to quit, I want to simply lay down so my body can give up this spirit and allow me freedom.

I want to be taken from this shell and brought to You.
I want to touch You.
I am a man of unclean lips, my ways have never been Your ways, I am no better than my fathers, I deserve so much worse...and yet You have rescued me from this Hell. You have lifted me out of this mud, You have wiped my soul clean, You have forgiven me of a multitude of sin.

How can I begin to respond?
In fear, holy terror of Your infinite love and how You can easily save as destroy me, how You forgive me as You hold me.
Thank You for never making salvation performance based, thank You for choosing me, for loving me, for saving me...God, Jesus, thank You so much...thank You so much.

I feel hope in my chest, in between the moments of pain and fear...I feel such vivid hope.

In the middle of this dark night, in the middle of my pains You take me, You break me, You love me, You complete me.

No human can do this.
No woman, no friends, no nothing, nothing at all can make my soul burn like You do.
I'm a fool for never realizing how desperately I'm in love with You and will be the rest of my days.

It feels foolish but I wish to dance, I want to loose myself in this live, I want to die so I can live again in You...I want to see Matthew Pike die and vanish for good and just this old man be gone so You can remake me.

I'm tired of the old sins, I'm tired of being human, I'm tired of being so sick, I'm so very exhausted from being human. I want to be new, I want to be made clean.

Please.

There is no one like you, there never could be, You are so beautiful, so perfect, so beyond any comprehension.

Saying You are love is an insult, saying you are grace and good are never enough...You are so beyond anything I could imagine.

You first went to that nine year old kid to save him...and then you called that frightened fourteen year old to serve You.

Why?

I can't pretend to understand it...I can't.
I want to...but as always Your beauty and mystery elude my feeble mind.


I want to lay here...and just breath deep while I can.
Take this hate away, take away my fear.
Be my vision, my sight, my hands and feet.
Cleanse me like only You can.
Dear Jesus, love me like only You can oh Lover,
hold me close and teach me what it means to love.

At least my old, albeit psychotically moody, cat won't judge me.

He just uses me for food, water and shelter.

In exchange he glares at me and complains.

So...yay.

Ah conflict...you had to come back...didn't you?

This whole health thing is driving me crazy...one minute I feel amazing and the next I'll feel as though I have been ran over by a metaphorical truck that forget that it shouldn't exist in reality.

And...most people confuse me.

There are only a handful of people I trust...some I'll never understand how they worked under my skin and armor...but they are there for better or for worse.

I'm not complaining, at least I do not think I am trying to complain.

I want peace, I need hope and I'm lost without Your love oh Lover.

Temporal human love baffles me...I don't understand the intrinsic draw that makes people wish to commit to something that they know is doomed from the start. There is a selfish part of me that wishes the only fellowship I was created for was with God...that way I could avoid all of these awkward and painful moments with people.

Hugs hurt because they are fading, temporal symbols that won't endure the night. They aren't made to...and so the problem is partly mine for putting the desire for the eternal on things so temporal.

Do people even stop to think what Heaven is?
No more division from God, pure love with no bound as we are brought close to Yahweh.
I can think of so many pointless and trivial that feel like they just burn away in the presence of the Father.
It's a terrifying thought of being united with the Holy one who knows no sin, who destroys everything unclean out of holy and just wrath, knowing that nothing I can do can make Him love me more or less...and I can just go on because there is just so much good mixed with fear.

He isn't a tame Lion, He is fierce and beautiful.

I want to love so deeply that everything else becomes nothing, the rubbish and trash it is.

Quote of the Day, the Fourth:

"I mean that to be in a relationship with God is to be loved purely and furiously. And a person who thinks himself unlovable cannot be in a relationship with God because he can't accept who God is; a Being that is love. We learn that we are lovable or unlovable from other people," Paul says. "That is why God tells us so many times to love each other.""
-Donald Miller

I would like to formally request for someone to dropkick me in the face should I actually go about trying to reactivate my Final Fantasy XI account.

Anyone who does me this service shall be paid in candies.

Quote of the Day - Part Three:

"My most recent faith struggle is not one of intellect. I don't really do that anymore. Sooner or later you just figure out there are some guys who don't believe in God and they can prove He doesn't exist, and some other guys who can prove He does exist, and the argument stopped being about God a long time ago and now it's about who is smarter, and honestly, I don't care.

And that's when I realized that believing in God is as much like falling in love as it is like making a decision. Love is both something that happens to you and something you decide upon."
-Donald Miller

"Oh you look so beautiful tonight
in this city, city of blinding lights"

I...I think,
I think that,
I just...I just
might be beginning,
yeah beginning to believe.

Quote of the Day - Part Two:

"Never call yourself a philosopher, nor talk a great deal among the unlearned about theorems, but act conformably to them. Thus, at an entertainment, don't talk how persons ought to eat, but eat as you ought. For remember that in this manner Socrates also universally avoided all ostentation. And when persons came to him and desired to be recommended by him to philosophers, he took and recommended them, so well did he bear being overlooked. So that if ever any talk should happen among the unlearned concerning philosophic theorems, be you, for the most part, silent. For there is great danger in immediately throwing out what you have not digested. And, if anyone tells you that you know nothing, and you are not nettled at it, then you may be sure that you have begun your business. For sheep don't throw up the grass to show the shepherds how much they have eaten; but, inwardly digesting their food, they outwardly produce wool and milk. Thus, therefore, do you likewise not show theorems to the unlearned, but the actions produced by them after they have been digested."
-Epictetus

Quote of the Day:

"'What is truth?' said jesting Pilate, and would not stay for an answer."
-Francis Bacon


Talk about some pwnage right there.

"Last Night on Earth" - U2

Here is the kitsch horror movie esque music video version silly youtube won't let me post on here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwWCUSrpXFw&feature=related

Breath, yeah baby yeah!

It's excessively silly things like that...that make me wonder...but then I remember how little of life I am refusing to take serious now. Not everything is a joke...but more things should make people laugh more than it should make them cry or even upset them in the first place...because...who really...can take the time to care?

Drama?
Oh no, oh no thank you, no thank you, it's not for me, never for me.
I want to smile and see other people smile.
If I can play a song that will make people dance or at least stop to think...then I am doing something beautiful.
If I can write a poem that makes someone realize they are never alone, that they aren't the only person left being human...then that is something too.
I don't NEED to find myself like that...it's a want...but God, thank YOU so much for being so beautiful to a broken wretch like me.
Thank You so much for being so good.

=)

I can breathe.

"Walk out into the street
Sing your heart out
The people we meet
Will not be drowned out
There's nothing you have that I need
I can breathe
Breathe now
Yeah, yeah

We are people borne of sound
The songs are in our eyes
Gonna wear them like a crown

Walk out, into the sunburst street
Sing your heart out, sing my heart out
I've found grace inside a sound
I found grace, it's all that I found
And I can breathe
Breathe now"

Woah...sleepy what evers...hmm...

Strange thought.

But I am tired beating my head on that door.

No sense trying to do something that never was really wanted.

Hmm...I also can't stand friends of convenience but that is enough confused and sleepy rants for the night.

Yay!