I feel distant from you as I hear others talk about you. It seems like a lot of people have no clue about who you really are. If anythign those who would proudly claim the title of 'Lost' know you better then the arrogant who speak your name so loudly but have never met you.

I feel like a jerk for judging them but I find it hard not to come to conclusions, much less negative ones. What is my role in dealing with the people? Saying Jesus loves them means as much as saying I am a large can of lemon Jello. You say that you call people to you, why do you not call more, why are those I see only moving further away? How much of it is you? How much of it should be me?

Why am I so far from you?

I wish I could sleep and be free of so much of life and this. I hate the thoughts that run through my mind...passions and desires for artistic expression but it seems like I can never make any of them be what they should be, you know? I'm tired of feeling needs for addictions. Certain people could move out of my life and I know it would hurt but it would be something.

My mind is fuzzy.