Isaiah 5

"What sorrow for those who say
that evil is good and good is evil,
that dark is light and light is dark,
that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter.
What sorrow for those who are wise in their own eyes
and think themselves so clever."
-Isaiah 5:20-21

I need Truth.
If I ever choose to forsake Truth for something lesser, I hope the end of my life is quick to follow...for never do I wish to teach heresy or lead people along into death for the sake of comfort.

After everything I've seen...
Everything I've experienced.
Everything I have learned from the lips of Christ, how could I ever deny You?

The only life I have is from You.
All the pain, all the agony...every shattered bone and the pain of nausea ripping through me...all of this is beyond my words, beyond my understanding...

Is it because of being born into a broken world?
Is this a chance for me to become closer to You in Your suffering and the agony You endured for my sins?

I do not want a righteousness born of my self.
I want to be free of this agony in my body and soul...

...but I am prepared to wait.
To sit here and learn...for what else can I do?
What more can I do but live and hope?
I do not want to cause pain, I do not want to destroy or hurt.
Be it possible I want to love with Your Love.
The Love that comes from Your Word, that comes from Your Spirit.
All of this is from You.
Every good thing I've done, every ounce of Love I have given is You.

Not I, no not I.
Only You my Love, my Beloved.
More than Words, more than hope...You are everything.
You are my everything.

I am an arrogant braggart, a know it all fool.
I speak without thinking and my words have done so much wrong.
Please pierce my heart like my body has been.
Let my heart, let my soul, let my being be changed by You.

If I need breaking, destroy everything I am and cling to so I might be closer to You and learn to be Yours.

I have no clue what more to do today than to try and rest, try to catch my breath from the pain...pray, listen to music, drink tea, breath, try to heal and continue writing.

I tend to stumble from place to place.
Set a vision in my soul, in my heart...
Where there is a destroyed vineyard, please replant and grow fruit.
You know the plans, You know my potential...could You please help me see that all over again?

Not the pain.
But the future.
Wherever.
However.
Please, my Love.
Don't tarry.

Outside of hope...what else do I have?

Quote of the Day:

"Nothing is yet in its true form."
-C.S. Lewis

This...this might be the greatest of hopes I have read in the longest of times.