This whole health thing is driving me crazy...one minute I feel amazing and the next I'll feel as though I have been ran over by a metaphorical truck that forget that it shouldn't exist in reality.

And...most people confuse me.

There are only a handful of people I trust...some I'll never understand how they worked under my skin and armor...but they are there for better or for worse.

I'm not complaining, at least I do not think I am trying to complain.

I want peace, I need hope and I'm lost without Your love oh Lover.

Temporal human love baffles me...I don't understand the intrinsic draw that makes people wish to commit to something that they know is doomed from the start. There is a selfish part of me that wishes the only fellowship I was created for was with God...that way I could avoid all of these awkward and painful moments with people.

Hugs hurt because they are fading, temporal symbols that won't endure the night. They aren't made to...and so the problem is partly mine for putting the desire for the eternal on things so temporal.

Do people even stop to think what Heaven is?
No more division from God, pure love with no bound as we are brought close to Yahweh.
I can think of so many pointless and trivial that feel like they just burn away in the presence of the Father.
It's a terrifying thought of being united with the Holy one who knows no sin, who destroys everything unclean out of holy and just wrath, knowing that nothing I can do can make Him love me more or less...and I can just go on because there is just so much good mixed with fear.

He isn't a tame Lion, He is fierce and beautiful.

I want to love so deeply that everything else becomes nothing, the rubbish and trash it is.