Ecclesiastes 12

"The words of the wise are like cattle prods—painful but helpful. Their collected sayings are like a nail-studded stick with which a shepherd drives the sheep.

But, my child, let me give you some further advice: Be careful, for writing books is endless, and much study wears you out.

That’s the whole story. Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone’s duty. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad."
-Ecclesiastes 12:11-14

Words.
There are a lot of those floating around...
...in my mind, my soul, this stupid blog and everything...

Words.
Words.
Words.

Action?
Meaning?
Hope?
Love?
Giving?
Living?
Sacrifice?

What does it look like to love?
What does it look like to give until it hurts?
What does it mean to be a Christian in a white middle class world that revolves around money, plans, ambition and taking what you can get while you get it?

I want to know what it is like to know Christ, to know Him crucified and to die...I want the shallowness in my soul to be ripped out from me and have it pass before me into the flames...so maybe, just maybe I can finally stop living to die...and begin dying so that I might live.

Looking in the mirror...sometimes I see myself and don't know who I am.
I don't know if my younger self would recognize me...and what would it matter if I did...or did not.

We run around.
We live.
We cry.
We die.
All of it to amplify...

All it to amplify what?
What is it my life is saying?
Whom do my tears fall for?
Who does my limited resources go to feed, to cloth and to encourage?

There are precious few answers which are simple, which make any sense in this stupid life of compromise and neutral areas.

But Love does.
Love wins.
Christ loves you, loves me and desires for the both of us to be still and listen.

Elijah went into the desert to flee the wrath of Ahab and Jezebel.
He laid in the desert in despair despite "winning" at a religious competition.
God told him to get up and be ready because HE was going to pass by.
Elijah took shelter in the cave.

Wind, fire and destruction passed by the cave...and it was not God.
God was the gentle whisper to come after the destruction.

Our lives have meaning.
Our choices matter.
In the dark, in the confusion, the middle of the night is the still small voice of God whispering love, grace and peace...again, again and again.

Even while trapped in a Hell on earth can grace be found.

There is so much more to see, heard and understood that any can process...

Yet this Love, this fact, this facet is all I can see that matters.
Everything else pales.
Everything else is passing.
The only thing I except to really recognize outright from now until the depths of Eternity is this Love.

It will no longer be pale.
It will no longer seem dim.
The roaring flames of God will continue to melt, refine and embrace my broken self...and this eternal Love will continue and we'll walk by the sea.