I'm feeling so disconnected.
The harder I try the worse it all gets.
I am so tired of being sick.
How long will this existence bathed in twilight will last?

Sometimes it just doesn't even seem worth it...to even ask why.

Then there are moments that without a doubt divine...like in Drama Production yesterday afternoon. With all the hell building up in my life...that was such an unexpected movement of prayer.

What is the point?
I feel so...
How do I trust anyone?
Will the questions ever fade?

I don't want to let anyone close, I do not want to let anyone with the name of Christian near me because I have been betrayed and turned on by almost all of them.

It is almost as if none of them are aware of the irony of wearing the name of Christ and yet being nothing more than baseless animals beneath the shined up and polished exterior.


But the thing is...I can't point the finger.
I am guilty of the same sins and more.

It's like all I am qualified to really do is hypocrisy.

Maybe...I will one day be able to slide out of this impossibly think cynical skin and be able to act as though I am in my mid twenties and not my eighties.
Being ahead of the curve is only good if it leads to something positive....being perpetually exhausted, burned out and seemingly on the verge of collapse helps no one...

It's just...