I am exhausted.

I need sleep.

Please Daddy, please.

It is frustrating that in what little contact I have made in trying to find a church position I am now more convinced then ever that I will never be hired unless I am willing to put on a charade and parade around religiosity bullshit that would otherwise cause me to vomit.

The fact that Jesus loves you should not only be a comforting thought but it should become the deepest desire in the very being of your soul. It should become the single most disturbing thought that haunts your every waking and sleeping moments. The fact the one who spoke creation into being is enraptured with your sinful and otherwise useless failure of a self should cause you to stand up boldly under the weight of knowing that without his very breath and attention your frail body would collapse in of itself and you would drown in your own bodily fluids.

...on further reflection I think I see why I will not be hired anytime soon.

Realizing my own potential for cold blooded evil is not the same as me following through with the acts.

But it does still scare me.

Greatly.