Demon Hunter - My Throat Is An Open Grave

We lay face in pale solitude.
To save face, we pulled our walls in front of you.
To the same place where we danced in front of you.
We fell from grace and watched the hope'fall from your face.
This isn't me i used to say.
All the love was so gone.
It feels good to be alive.
I've been dead for so long: and all the broken promises.
I can't face. Afraid if someone notices, I lose my place.
Fractured, broken, paralyzed.
I need some space, tear me open, analyze.
This isn't me i used to say.
All the love was so gone.
It feels good to be alive.
I've been dead for so long.
Wake up screaming, I'm awake and dreaming,
And i won't stop breathing until my heart stops beating.
This isn't me, i used to say.
All the love was so gone, It feels good to be alive,
I've been dead for so long.

Seriously, how the fuck am I supposed to sleep when I am absolutely terrified I am going to die?

I am not liking humanity right now anymore then I am liking feeling so disconnected from myself.

Francisco Goya,
Painted it gay,
I'd rather have been shot,
On the Third Of May.
Freedom never came for free,
Patriots are bleeding their veins clean,
That's me in the corner,
Singing "God Save the Queen",
God save the queen.

Independence Day,
Second of May,
Lost my best friend and a fiancé',
So I will hold this candle high.
Independence Day,
Nothing I could say,
Could sway you not to sever ties,
Your liberty can't rest on lies.

I can think of better synonyms for fear,
I hope your life is great
I hope it's been a
wonderful year.
Waiting every day,
Staring at the phone,
Jesus Christ, I feel so empty and alone.

-Brave Saint Saturn, "Independence Day"

Jesus Christ I feel so very empty and alone.

In my perverse ways I am more isolated than I was aware of.

I'm floating here in this room.

Abstractly in thought and process.

I'm scared right now...I sort of just wish I could actually be held.

I hate feeling so alone, so separated...so unable to communicate with people and express myself about this.

I have to leave home, maybe for good...and for why? To save my life? To run from the pain, the confusion, the hate.

I want to actually be free.

I want to be able to breath again.

I'm indulging my selfish addictions of fear and lusting for freedom from myself.

The dark has never been so absolutely terrifying...I'm afraid to listen to music...it's like the walls are closing tighter on me and I want nothing but to be freed from this earthly shell.

...so why do I fear?