"There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown,
The dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb."

Third day of having to get a cold shower and potential drama...that could ruin my day...however...I am making myself breath.

Slow deep breaths.

I have far too many more important things then to worry about this.
I'm worth much more than silly worrying and fretting about...



"Cause I'm already gone
Felt that way all along
Closer to you every day
I didn't want it that much anyway

You're taking steps that make you feel dizzy
Then you learn to like the way it feels
You hurt yourself, you hurt your lover
Then you discover what you thought was freedom is just greed

Goodbye, and it's emotional goodnight
I'll be up with the sun
Are you still holding on
I'm not coming down
I'm not coming down"

After the chaos of this summer...I think I have almost finished making amends with everyone screwed over by my actions and behavior...not that I did anything Hell bent on destroying lives...just a lot of really naive and stupidly immature and overly trusting actions wrapped in a silliness that created several awkward scenarios...luckily nothing was damaged beyond repair.

I have some amazing friends to love and drag me along...and stay beside me in these rough times...even when I caused hurt to them. I really could never thank God properly enough or pray enough for them.

Now if things with my health would improve...that would be pure magic.