I'm just too tired to bother with crying right now.
I think I can settle for a sigh and a prayer.

I really have the urge to climb up and sit on the roof of the house despite the strong winds, torrential downpour of rain and the incredibly close bursts of lightning.

The feeling of the storm pushing, pulling and tearing against me might snap me back to reality.

I am sick to death of what feels like this falseness coating me and those I share this trip of life with.

Am I a leper?
How about scum?
Am I the villain?

I am just me.

The voice of darkness screams out to hate myself, to destroy me, to cut into myself, to rip myself apart and die in shame.

I am sick of living in the shadows of worry of the thoughts of everyone else, thoughts that do nothing but pave the way to destruction.

I want to just be me...whoever that really is.

People do define...but they can't be the only means thereof.

In the end no one else will take care of me when the world comes crashing down.

Explosion.

Ack.

Psalm 48

"How great is the Lord
how deserving of praise,
in the city of our God,
which sits on his holy mountain!"
-Psalm 48:1

The last thing on my mind right now is how great, how wonderful and how praise worthy You are. I'm upset, I'm weak, I'm exhausted, I'm needy...is that some sort of theme?

I complain, whine, throw tantrums...I yell, get mad, pretend I know what is going on.

There are so many words thrown around while I like to pretend I am somehow profound.

You are the great equalizer...we're all on the same field when we are before You.
I am small...but want to learn to love...to trust.

I do not want to just fall into despair and the dark ocean of apathy...I want to float about this and feel what it means to be alive...and feel...and love...

Why...just...why?

Please...say something?
I feel like I'm going insane from the silence...