There is a consistent drained feeling that keeps coming and going. Somedays it is physical, other times emotional and most every day it is at least spiritual.
My general want is to run away from it all. To find an outlet in the very act of retreating further inside...but the problem I face is where to run when I have reached my own personal inner limits?
The subtle solution offered by more and more people is the idea of drowning out ideas we do not like with chemicals. It may be irrational paranoia but it almost feels like a method of subtle mind control. Sure, I am the last one to say anything negative about this kind of thing (it's not like I of all people have EVER taken antidepressants... >_>) but how far is to far?
I can assume the general opinion is that those who are severally depressed on a regular basis are not normal. That there is some inherent abnormality about them that should be fixed.
Is that so? I do not attempt to say there is no pleasant or happy things in the world but I think ignoring reality with a blind sugar coated view of life can be even more dangerous then a person attempting to view life in proper perspective.
Plus other events from the other week will not leave my mind. I feel guilty, confused and generally just filled with slight turmoil. Dramatic words for sure but bottom line I would like to just do the right thing and not cause more hurt. That is what I hate the most, even doing the right thing still hurts people.
Yeah.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
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