Sunday, June 6, 2010
Psalm 36
"How precious is your unfailing love, O God!
All humanity finds shelter
in the shadow of your wings."
-Psalm 36:7
With all the pain, hate, anger, hurting and fear floating around this Hellish nightmare landscape...I'm sorry I forget about this love...this compassion You have for others. I don't understand but that does not excuse apathy and ignoring other people's pain because of apathy.
I never thought I would be back in Mobile or stuck here as long as I have and am going to be...yet You knew about this. You knew about me living in this house, those I would meet, the friends I would bump into last night, the conversations I would have today.
Is there a purpose and plan in this growing disaster?
I pray, I ache, my soul cries out for others and myself...and so often it feels like just...maybe...it's all in vain.
And...yet, Your love is still here...even when I want to doubt and no longer believe.
This doubt feels like it covers my skin...like a second coating of sin that tries to burrow under my flesh and slide into my soul. I feel infected with apathy and a lack of concern for the world.
I don't want to be You...but I want to feel your love and compassion and carry that to those I know and do not know. I do not need a bigger ego...just a bigger capacity for love and wanting to help others.
I need You here right now...just as badly as the others need You right now...in such a vivid and true way. Not just words or a feeling...but You like only You can do. No matter what happens I need to believe that at the end of this day Your love still remains for a faithless fiend like me...that no matter how much more pain I cause and how deep I try to dig this hole...Your love will win out over this Hell.
Teach me to truly pray.
For my words are naught more than worthless garbage.
All humanity finds shelter
in the shadow of your wings."
-Psalm 36:7
With all the pain, hate, anger, hurting and fear floating around this Hellish nightmare landscape...I'm sorry I forget about this love...this compassion You have for others. I don't understand but that does not excuse apathy and ignoring other people's pain because of apathy.
I never thought I would be back in Mobile or stuck here as long as I have and am going to be...yet You knew about this. You knew about me living in this house, those I would meet, the friends I would bump into last night, the conversations I would have today.
Is there a purpose and plan in this growing disaster?
I pray, I ache, my soul cries out for others and myself...and so often it feels like just...maybe...it's all in vain.
And...yet, Your love is still here...even when I want to doubt and no longer believe.
This doubt feels like it covers my skin...like a second coating of sin that tries to burrow under my flesh and slide into my soul. I feel infected with apathy and a lack of concern for the world.
I don't want to be You...but I want to feel your love and compassion and carry that to those I know and do not know. I do not need a bigger ego...just a bigger capacity for love and wanting to help others.
I need You here right now...just as badly as the others need You right now...in such a vivid and true way. Not just words or a feeling...but You like only You can do. No matter what happens I need to believe that at the end of this day Your love still remains for a faithless fiend like me...that no matter how much more pain I cause and how deep I try to dig this hole...Your love will win out over this Hell.
Teach me to truly pray.
For my words are naught more than worthless garbage.
Quote of the Day:
"Men do not differ much about what things they will call evils; they differ enormously about what evils they will call excusable."
-G.K. Chesterton
-G.K. Chesterton
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