It's nice.
Very nice.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Psalm 45
"Beautiful words stir my heart.
I will recite a lovely poem about the king,
for my tongue is like the pen of a skillful poet."
-Psalm 45:1
I really, really, really do not feel like saying anything positive or pray...or just anything really productive right now. I would much rather say or do something ridiculously stupid or angry.
I am in physical pain...I've sort of hit a threshold of being able to cope with the pain...but more so...I just am so tired and wish I could just...find a place that was quite and absent of people. I really miss having a room to myself on campus...I could see people and mostly find people if I wanted...but...I know there is so much else that is going on in the world which is horrible and my complaints are stupid...but I just wish...
I miss you.
And You.
I want to be strong...but the ironic thing is that by breaking down...giving up...admitting I cannot handle this...is the only thing I can do.
I am so tired, angry, bitter, upset, exhausted, ready to go Home and be rid of this...but I am here for a reason...I don't know why...but You are beautiful and wonderful...so beyond me.
Just help me...peel back the layers of angry bitterness...built up resentment and ultimately just...fear.
You know?
I want to move forward...wherever that may be...
I will recite a lovely poem about the king,
for my tongue is like the pen of a skillful poet."
-Psalm 45:1
I really, really, really do not feel like saying anything positive or pray...or just anything really productive right now. I would much rather say or do something ridiculously stupid or angry.
I am in physical pain...I've sort of hit a threshold of being able to cope with the pain...but more so...I just am so tired and wish I could just...find a place that was quite and absent of people. I really miss having a room to myself on campus...I could see people and mostly find people if I wanted...but...I know there is so much else that is going on in the world which is horrible and my complaints are stupid...but I just wish...
I miss you.
And You.
I want to be strong...but the ironic thing is that by breaking down...giving up...admitting I cannot handle this...is the only thing I can do.
I am so tired, angry, bitter, upset, exhausted, ready to go Home and be rid of this...but I am here for a reason...I don't know why...but You are beautiful and wonderful...so beyond me.
Just help me...peel back the layers of angry bitterness...built up resentment and ultimately just...fear.
You know?
I want to move forward...wherever that may be...
Wisdom of the Day:
Matt: "Eventually life gets to a point to where it is so bad that it is not actually bad anymore."
John: "Damn you and your Freudian thoughts."
John: "Damn you and your Freudian thoughts."
Considering how everything is going...that wasn't totally unexpected...but as callous as this sounds I have more important things to deal with at this moment.
The terrible poetry will follow at some later date...for now I have research for school, for science and for my personal walk to focus on.
I have no clue where I am going...but despite how unloving, apathetic and how much of a mercenary I am...I have a God that sees something worth redeeming in me and using.
Thanks again.
The terrible poetry will follow at some later date...for now I have research for school, for science and for my personal walk to focus on.
I have no clue where I am going...but despite how unloving, apathetic and how much of a mercenary I am...I have a God that sees something worth redeeming in me and using.
Thanks again.
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