*sigh* 'Up' is such a sad and depressing film.

So tired...borderline annoyed...

Musings on a Muse...just poor words incapable of speaking expectation mixed with the loneliness of the day.

Little Song Bird

Compromise, your name is mine.
In a lot of ways effort feels like too much...
To scale this mountain of insecurity
and doubt of myself
which means I could never understand
or try to show love.

I paralyze myself into indecisive,
because I drink this poison.
I drink my shame and guilt
just so savor the pain
so I can record it here
in a shrine filled with derelict trophies.
Full of mottled feathers
that hold stories
and no gain.

Is it better to make a proactive deicion at once
instead of doing nothing forever?
I don't know what other decision to make
because to push foward into silence
and into pain
feels so counterintuitive.
It's not my choice to say no
but hearing silence speak so loud
almost makes the unspoken words
just ring through my mind.
That I'm reading into nothing,
secret messages not for me
and poor theology that would never sing.

No one can judge a human heart
or see what is inside.
Only God is privy to the how's and why's.
come down from your perch
oh little song bird
and let us look eye to eye.
Maybe as equals,
if not as walking companions
but maybe just fools in the rain
trying to understand
while we question the unfathomable.

Being back in this apartment in bizarre...so many...thoughts and memories...

My soul,
oh my soul so tired
so worn down and exhausted.