I want them to see
what I myself am afraid to see,
the fear of my soul
and my heart missing beats.
The joy bursting out of my soul
at the merest brush of your thought.
Everything I've thought I am is nothing
compared to you.
Every waking moment
of every stolen dream
is just a reminder
of the chasm between you and I.
Grace never seemed enough
and forgiveness seemed fake.
But in this night time of the day,
the darker moments of me being lost
You still will have me,
will love me and carry me.
Take this broken heart
and save me from myself.
Even at the darkest moment of my hate,
my hate at this world
but mostly at myself.
Thank you for loving me enough
to let me live
and to do what I have.
This sick body may not have much,
but whatever it is we can be together
from now until the end of eternity.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
"Mercenary" - Brave Saint Saturn
I was the future in 1995
I watched the flashbulbs burst whenever I’d arrive
I’d tape my knuckles up, cinched and tight for the ring
Just beneath the gloves, clenching white for the swing
I was a sellout before a sellout crowd
I threw the fight in my head, before the fat lady bowed
You want a tip-off, some good advice for the brawl?
Just wear a mouth-guard, to keep your teeth when you fall
And when you quit
Make sure that you can wash your hands of it
Armed to the teeth, score one for treachery
I am a mercenary
There’s more lies here than we can all bury
I am a mercenary
I’ve seen the headlines swarming thick with flies
I’ve seen the Billboard charts, I’ve heard them spitting lies
Here’s to your lame award, your phony Nobel Prize
Here’s to the suckers lining up to see us compromise
Let’s light a campfire, we’ll have a singalong
I’ll burn some bridges, you’ll bring the crappy songs
And when you quit
Make sure that you can wash your hands of it
Armed to the teeth, score one for treachery
I am a mercenary
There’s more lies here than we can all bury
I am a mercenary
There’s a part of me I’ve compromised
Buried somewhere under ghosts of lies
Make it quick, make it sick
Turn the crank and just play the greatest hits
Sigh
There’s a part of me that I despise
Pull the curtain back and see what dies
Emerald spires of the near profound
Let’s burn this lousy city down
Armed to the teeth, score one for treachery
I am a mercenary
There’s more lies here than we can all bury
I am a mercenary
I watched the flashbulbs burst whenever I’d arrive
I’d tape my knuckles up, cinched and tight for the ring
Just beneath the gloves, clenching white for the swing
I was a sellout before a sellout crowd
I threw the fight in my head, before the fat lady bowed
You want a tip-off, some good advice for the brawl?
Just wear a mouth-guard, to keep your teeth when you fall
And when you quit
Make sure that you can wash your hands of it
Armed to the teeth, score one for treachery
I am a mercenary
There’s more lies here than we can all bury
I am a mercenary
I’ve seen the headlines swarming thick with flies
I’ve seen the Billboard charts, I’ve heard them spitting lies
Here’s to your lame award, your phony Nobel Prize
Here’s to the suckers lining up to see us compromise
Let’s light a campfire, we’ll have a singalong
I’ll burn some bridges, you’ll bring the crappy songs
And when you quit
Make sure that you can wash your hands of it
Armed to the teeth, score one for treachery
I am a mercenary
There’s more lies here than we can all bury
I am a mercenary
There’s a part of me I’ve compromised
Buried somewhere under ghosts of lies
Make it quick, make it sick
Turn the crank and just play the greatest hits
Sigh
There’s a part of me that I despise
Pull the curtain back and see what dies
Emerald spires of the near profound
Let’s burn this lousy city down
Armed to the teeth, score one for treachery
I am a mercenary
There’s more lies here than we can all bury
I am a mercenary
Cold Night Awashed in Light
The land is dark this night
even with such a moon as this,
it being closer to the Earth
than you are to me,
despite being so few inches away.
Separation by the breadth of our minds
and as wide as our souls.
Each step forward is just another dance back
and it is so very cold tonight.
Every breath we take is in pain
and every word we make is a curse
directed at the moon.
Things are never as they really seem
and things may never be
as they try to be
but here we are,
just tonight
among the lilies
and the thorns.
Bathed in moonlight
and washed in a still breeze,
but it's not as cold
as the movement of our souls
but nowhere as cold as this night.
How can I form the words in my heart,
in my mind and soul?
How can I introduce this common theme again?
When sometimes it feels distance
is the only thing sane?
The only thing real?
What is this?
These jumbled thoughts
attempting to assemble themselves
into something more.
On this blank canvas
that was just covered in blood
and my lost regrets.
It is cold.
So very cold.
Colder than this night.
The moon tries to shine into the pool,
to brighten this water
but the light rays
cannot hope
to pierce the bleakness
and show what lies underneath.
It just becomes the mirror I hold
so you can see me.
See who you want me to be,
see what I need to be
see what this is
letting you see just
what it is you want.
Nothing more and nothing real.
Just this cold night
barely lit in blueish light
and the cold piercing the heart.
These words mean nothing more than they do,
only what you give them.
Nothing more or less.
Write them off,
please.
It would be the best thing you can do
on this bitter cold night,
the best for either of us.
Just pretend nothing was said
and that the best thing possible
was just for us to enjoy the moon
and the light reflected on still glass
and the bitter cold in our souls.
The pain we just can't be rid of
and this life we are lost on.
It's cold
but then that is the way of the night.
Bitter, alone and buffeted by time.
Making this circular hole.
even with such a moon as this,
it being closer to the Earth
than you are to me,
despite being so few inches away.
Separation by the breadth of our minds
and as wide as our souls.
Each step forward is just another dance back
and it is so very cold tonight.
Every breath we take is in pain
and every word we make is a curse
directed at the moon.
Things are never as they really seem
and things may never be
as they try to be
but here we are,
just tonight
among the lilies
and the thorns.
Bathed in moonlight
and washed in a still breeze,
but it's not as cold
as the movement of our souls
but nowhere as cold as this night.
How can I form the words in my heart,
in my mind and soul?
How can I introduce this common theme again?
When sometimes it feels distance
is the only thing sane?
The only thing real?
What is this?
These jumbled thoughts
attempting to assemble themselves
into something more.
On this blank canvas
that was just covered in blood
and my lost regrets.
It is cold.
So very cold.
Colder than this night.
The moon tries to shine into the pool,
to brighten this water
but the light rays
cannot hope
to pierce the bleakness
and show what lies underneath.
It just becomes the mirror I hold
so you can see me.
See who you want me to be,
see what I need to be
see what this is
letting you see just
what it is you want.
Nothing more and nothing real.
Just this cold night
barely lit in blueish light
and the cold piercing the heart.
These words mean nothing more than they do,
only what you give them.
Nothing more or less.
Write them off,
please.
It would be the best thing you can do
on this bitter cold night,
the best for either of us.
Just pretend nothing was said
and that the best thing possible
was just for us to enjoy the moon
and the light reflected on still glass
and the bitter cold in our souls.
The pain we just can't be rid of
and this life we are lost on.
It's cold
but then that is the way of the night.
Bitter, alone and buffeted by time.
Making this circular hole.
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