Sunday, November 1, 2009
"My Throat is an Open Grave" - Demon Hunter
"This isn't me I used to say.
All the love was so gone.
It feels good to be alive.
I've been dead for so long.
Wake up screaming, I'm awake and dreaming,
and I won't stop breathing until my heart stops beating.
This isn't me, i used to say.
all the love was so gone, It feels good to be alive,
I've been dead for so long."
Antsy, Angry oh What a Day...
Unless a person's heart is numb or dead I think the natural human reaction to sin is anger.
Of course you have to define sin and God being the clever omnipotent being that He is went ahead and sort of didn't break it down in the Bible. After you read it a half dozen or so times you start to get the distinct impression about what sin is:
1.Hurting God.
2.Hurting yourself.
3.Hurting others.
I see the lines in the sand, I see the blood that is crying up from the ground. Speaking in harsh tongues that only God and I understand. It is crying out in protest, in shame, in hate, in anger...crying out against me.
I'm so sick...so sick of everything I've done for me.
Acting so stupid, moving out of turn and trying to...
I just can't find the words to form them because I have hidden them so well.
I wanted...wanted...and needed...needed...
And I got all the lies I asked for.
Gift wrapped and expressed shipped here to me, from you babe.
Everything I ever wanted, everything I ever needed.
And God it makes me so sick.
I want to throw up just to get it out of my body.
I want to bleed out this poison so I can breath again.
Rip open my heart, show you my soul
and make you see me as me.
Not the pretend image you like to dance to.
I want the world to see the real me
and everything I'm not,
just so maybe for once God can shine through.
I'm just living death
crashing through windows
colliding and breaking
and hurting the innocent
just because I am.
Nothing more and nothing less
because I'm everything that I am not
and here I am
just begging,
wanting, needing, praying
just to be freed.
I sought the dream
and laid weeping at my disgrace.
I fought the night
and was broken on my own power.
Every lie I've made,
every last insincerity
I choke on and die
as I lay here hoping for something more.
I can't give anything more than me,
this poorest of poor offerings
because of the misuse and brokenness.
I want to see with these eyes again.
I want to scream your prasies with this voice.
Every wasted minute I want back
as I need You nearby.
I can't stand the corruption inside me,
this beloved cancer I cradel
and make love to
just to push You further from my soul.
Why can't every last block be removed?
How long must I wait for my Love to rescue me?
To save me from this trap of my own doing?
I was caught by my cleverness
and here I lay dying
hoping and praying for something more.
I can wait here crying
feeling the cold hand of dying
or dare to move
and die along the way.
Every breath is bringing me closer
to the climax,
this last moment of life
where my soul shall leave this destroyed shell
and the freedom of Love
and eternity shall wrap His hands around me
and never again,
never will I cry
never will I waste monuments in desecrated silence to you
as I lay here infested with the hate.
No more.
Not again.
Never will this sin resume.
Only love will exist.
Perfect Love to wipe my tears away
as I cling to You
and feel what it is I've sought for my life,
when I find everything I have wanted
in this one moment of freedom.
Of course you have to define sin and God being the clever omnipotent being that He is went ahead and sort of didn't break it down in the Bible. After you read it a half dozen or so times you start to get the distinct impression about what sin is:
1.Hurting God.
2.Hurting yourself.
3.Hurting others.
I see the lines in the sand, I see the blood that is crying up from the ground. Speaking in harsh tongues that only God and I understand. It is crying out in protest, in shame, in hate, in anger...crying out against me.
I'm so sick...so sick of everything I've done for me.
Acting so stupid, moving out of turn and trying to...
I just can't find the words to form them because I have hidden them so well.
I wanted...wanted...and needed...needed...
And I got all the lies I asked for.
Gift wrapped and expressed shipped here to me, from you babe.
Everything I ever wanted, everything I ever needed.
And God it makes me so sick.
I want to throw up just to get it out of my body.
I want to bleed out this poison so I can breath again.
Rip open my heart, show you my soul
and make you see me as me.
Not the pretend image you like to dance to.
I want the world to see the real me
and everything I'm not,
just so maybe for once God can shine through.
I'm just living death
crashing through windows
colliding and breaking
and hurting the innocent
just because I am.
Nothing more and nothing less
because I'm everything that I am not
and here I am
just begging,
wanting, needing, praying
just to be freed.
I sought the dream
and laid weeping at my disgrace.
I fought the night
and was broken on my own power.
Every lie I've made,
every last insincerity
I choke on and die
as I lay here hoping for something more.
I can't give anything more than me,
this poorest of poor offerings
because of the misuse and brokenness.
I want to see with these eyes again.
I want to scream your prasies with this voice.
Every wasted minute I want back
as I need You nearby.
I can't stand the corruption inside me,
this beloved cancer I cradel
and make love to
just to push You further from my soul.
Why can't every last block be removed?
How long must I wait for my Love to rescue me?
To save me from this trap of my own doing?
I was caught by my cleverness
and here I lay dying
hoping and praying for something more.
I can wait here crying
feeling the cold hand of dying
or dare to move
and die along the way.
Every breath is bringing me closer
to the climax,
this last moment of life
where my soul shall leave this destroyed shell
and the freedom of Love
and eternity shall wrap His hands around me
and never again,
never will I cry
never will I waste monuments in desecrated silence to you
as I lay here infested with the hate.
No more.
Not again.
Never will this sin resume.
Only love will exist.
Perfect Love to wipe my tears away
as I cling to You
and feel what it is I've sought for my life,
when I find everything I have wanted
in this one moment of freedom.
Quote of the Day:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
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