Day by Day

It feels like time is becoming muddled into this single unbreakable blob that I cannot begin to understand. It is hard for me to break lines apart and see truth for what it is, or really see anything for what it is.

These writings act as some kind of anchor and a reminder that I am not living some profane version of the movie Groundhog Day.

There is a real aspect to life, there is a reality, there is this confusion, there is anger, there is pain, there is sadness, there are happy thoughts too. Amalgamation upon confused mixtures of bitter words of varying shades of intellect.

It does not compute, it does not make sense, it is a struggle to press on, I do not want a game, I did not ask for this, no one ever gave me the option and here I am as I am and nothing more or less then what I was confused as being.

I am not a fan of my own thoughts most of the time. It feels like there are two people, one person who is speaking and giving all of these thoughts and there is the real me who is just here to act as a meat shield for all of the response.

Not an incredibly cherry world view I'll admit, but if something feels and seems like it might be true and the honest truth it may be true.

How much of negative is a choice? Is it purely perception or is there a real element of fatalism involved?

Thinking you are hearing voices is not fun. Obvious, yet a very true statement all the same.

I feel like I'm going to be seriously ill.

I wish I could understand something which I do not understand. That is really all that I ask.

No Words Free

There are no words free that i may use to describe everythign you are, all that you are and all that you will be.

Words fall short and actions fail to render true meaning to one like you.

Your name unspeakable, your my eyes can never meet your gaze, to be in your mere shadow causes me to stumble.

In few words you are beyond perfection, you are one beyond my imagination.