Friday, June 19, 2009
Home Again
"As all things come to an end, even this story, a day came at last when they were in sight of the country where...(he)...had been born and bred, where the shapes of the land and of the trees were as well known to him as his hands and toes."
-'The Hobbit', JRR Tolkien
I am back home.
For now.
I have little intention of remaining here much longer if I can help it.
This morning an unexpected door was slammed open and if these dreams....these dreams we dare to dream...can truly come then September the first will act as a catalyst...a beginning...a door that stepping through will send me to the next part of my life.
It was an amazing few days on the road...serving and learning old lessons again. It felt like being wrapped in the arms of eternity...an eternity that came to an end to quickly.
All that remains is this door...this door which may open...and the thoughts.
Oh my, the thoughts.
"I lie here paralytic
Inside this soul
Screaming for you till my throat is numb
I wanna break out
I need a way out
I don’t believe that it’s gotta be this way
The worst is the waiting
In this womb I’m suffocating
Feel your presence filling up my lungs with oxygen
I take you in
I’ve died
Rebirthing now
I wanna live for love wanna live for You and me
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now
I Wanna live my life wanna give you everything
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow
-"Rebirthing", Skillet
I don't know where this may go...and if this is the wrong path...quiet my lips and humble me...break my legs, my arms and my back so that I may not bring forth shame...instead help me to leave this, my shame...my pride and this ego of needing attention behind.
It's lines in the sand...filled with blood by the Lamb slain from the foundation of this world...to right the wrongs of this fallen world...chief of whom is...
I needed oxygen...I was drowning in the waves of sorrow...of doubt and You rescued me. You took me by the hand and placed me on this rock. You gave me lips to sing and placed a new song in my heart, many will see, many will hear and fear.
How long?
How long?
The beginning always leads to an end which inevitably must be a new beginning...a new sunrise, a new song, a new reason to breath, a new reason to step forward into this life you have given me.
I'm wanting and aching to go to that fringe.
To see You standing in the cold and needing the help that...ironically enough only You can give.
You do enjoy Your paradoxes now, don't You?
Burn.
Now.
Please.
Leave no stone unturned, leave no crevice unchecked as long as daylight prevails.
""Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.
"Don't be flip with the sacred. Banter and silliness give no honor to God. Don't reduce holy mysteries to slogans. In trying to be relevant, you're only being cute and inviting sacrilege.
"Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing. You're at least decent to your own children. So don't you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?
"Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them. Add up God's Law and Prophets and this is what you get.""
-Matthew 7:1-12
-'The Hobbit', JRR Tolkien
I am back home.
For now.
I have little intention of remaining here much longer if I can help it.
This morning an unexpected door was slammed open and if these dreams....these dreams we dare to dream...can truly come then September the first will act as a catalyst...a beginning...a door that stepping through will send me to the next part of my life.
It was an amazing few days on the road...serving and learning old lessons again. It felt like being wrapped in the arms of eternity...an eternity that came to an end to quickly.
All that remains is this door...this door which may open...and the thoughts.
Oh my, the thoughts.
"I lie here paralytic
Inside this soul
Screaming for you till my throat is numb
I wanna break out
I need a way out
I don’t believe that it’s gotta be this way
The worst is the waiting
In this womb I’m suffocating
Feel your presence filling up my lungs with oxygen
I take you in
I’ve died
Rebirthing now
I wanna live for love wanna live for You and me
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now
I Wanna live my life wanna give you everything
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow
-"Rebirthing", Skillet
I don't know where this may go...and if this is the wrong path...quiet my lips and humble me...break my legs, my arms and my back so that I may not bring forth shame...instead help me to leave this, my shame...my pride and this ego of needing attention behind.
It's lines in the sand...filled with blood by the Lamb slain from the foundation of this world...to right the wrongs of this fallen world...chief of whom is...
I needed oxygen...I was drowning in the waves of sorrow...of doubt and You rescued me. You took me by the hand and placed me on this rock. You gave me lips to sing and placed a new song in my heart, many will see, many will hear and fear.
How long?
How long?
The beginning always leads to an end which inevitably must be a new beginning...a new sunrise, a new song, a new reason to breath, a new reason to step forward into this life you have given me.
I'm wanting and aching to go to that fringe.
To see You standing in the cold and needing the help that...ironically enough only You can give.
You do enjoy Your paradoxes now, don't You?
Burn.
Now.
Please.
Leave no stone unturned, leave no crevice unchecked as long as daylight prevails.
""Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.
"Don't be flip with the sacred. Banter and silliness give no honor to God. Don't reduce holy mysteries to slogans. In trying to be relevant, you're only being cute and inviting sacrilege.
"Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing. You're at least decent to your own children. So don't you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?
"Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them. Add up God's Law and Prophets and this is what you get.""
-Matthew 7:1-12
Goodbye for Now
Time is fleeting.
This man made construct by which we attempt to give meaning to events...and to further govern our lives...it races and twists.
My time with this group is rapidly running out...it has been an odd but amazing experience.
"Every generation gets a chance to change the world
Pity the nation that won’t listen to your boys and girls
‘Cos the sweetest melody is the one we haven’t heard
Is it true that perfect love drives out all fear
The right to appear ridiculous is something I hold dear
Oh, but a change of heart comes slow
It’s not a hill, it’s a mountain
As you start out the climb
Listen for me, I’ll be shouting
We’re gonna make it all the way to the light
But you now I’ll go crazy if I don’t go crazy tonight"
-U2, "I'll Go Crazy if I Don't Go Crazy Tonight"
Where do I...we...all of us go from here?
I believe not just because I want or need to...I have no choice. I gave that up when I signed up at nine years old. Asking God to come in, interfere and transfer this Jack Pollock painting esque mess of my life into something much more clear is a blessing as much as it is a burden...a beautiful burden and one that weighs so much less than the trivial games people love to play with time.
There is a sweetness that I found by living in community with these strangers...our common goal was what we believed...but it broke down some walls...the scary part would be to make this lasting...to make the relationships continue...to push past the rocky areas and learn to...love.
It has been...a learning experience...and it should...should continue...
""Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or—worse!—stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.
"Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have!
"You can't worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can't worship God and Money both.
"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
-Matthew 6:19-34
This man made construct by which we attempt to give meaning to events...and to further govern our lives...it races and twists.
My time with this group is rapidly running out...it has been an odd but amazing experience.
"Every generation gets a chance to change the world
Pity the nation that won’t listen to your boys and girls
‘Cos the sweetest melody is the one we haven’t heard
Is it true that perfect love drives out all fear
The right to appear ridiculous is something I hold dear
Oh, but a change of heart comes slow
It’s not a hill, it’s a mountain
As you start out the climb
Listen for me, I’ll be shouting
We’re gonna make it all the way to the light
But you now I’ll go crazy if I don’t go crazy tonight"
-U2, "I'll Go Crazy if I Don't Go Crazy Tonight"
Where do I...we...all of us go from here?
I believe not just because I want or need to...I have no choice. I gave that up when I signed up at nine years old. Asking God to come in, interfere and transfer this Jack Pollock painting esque mess of my life into something much more clear is a blessing as much as it is a burden...a beautiful burden and one that weighs so much less than the trivial games people love to play with time.
There is a sweetness that I found by living in community with these strangers...our common goal was what we believed...but it broke down some walls...the scary part would be to make this lasting...to make the relationships continue...to push past the rocky areas and learn to...love.
It has been...a learning experience...and it should...should continue...
""Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or—worse!—stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.
"Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have!
"You can't worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can't worship God and Money both.
"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
-Matthew 6:19-34
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