"Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate... leads to suffering."
-Master Yoda
Forgiveness.
This word feel so cheap when I speak it from my lips.
Forgiveness.
Forgiveness?
Forgiveness from what? From whom?
It's not like anyone enjoys the act of forgiving others but at the same time we want it.
We need it.
Even when we don't realize we need it, we crave for it.
It's like oxygen and love.
We need both to breath, to exhale, to inhale, to feel, to begin to blossom in the sunlight from the broken creatures we once were.
And what of these words?
So frail.
So fragile.
Dying so soon.
A part of me resents God and hates this concept of forgiveness and love. This idea of 'loving others AS MUCH as I love myself" (Matthew 22:39, emphasis added) and that bit about "I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst." (Matthew 5:44)
That is so irritating.
Infuriating even.
For someone who carries the weight of the world on his back as well as a few specially self created burdens of hate.
As one who is incredibly high strung, as someone who does not understand the concept of 'relaxing' or 'sleep' for that matter, this is infuriating because it means I am not only in the wrong but I am an idiot for wasting all of this energy on fear and confused anger.
To understand why people are willing to commit and do so many heinous acts you have to understand that so much of that rage comes from internalized fear. As cliche as it might seem we become what we surround ourselves with.
"Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dark cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have. You can't worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other." (Matthew 6:22-24)
Part of this problem is circumstances beyond my control and thought, most of the time.
So often the problem is me...but there is something more then me...there is more...sometimes I do not think it is there...but it is...it is not dependent on my thought or my perfection...luckily.
"Jesus resumed talking to the people, but now tenderly. "The Father has given me all these things to do and say. This is a unique Father-Son operation, coming out of Father and Son intimacies and knowledge. No one knows the Son the way the Father does, nor the Father the way the Son does. But I'm not keeping it to myself; I'm ready to go over it line by line with anyone willing to listen.
""Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.""
-Matthew 11:27-30
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
