Could someone please tell me why I'm trying to play through Halo 2 on Legendary?

True Words...

"You don't measure up to the expectation.
When you're unemployed, there's no vacation.
No one cares, no one sympathizes.
You just stay home and play synthesizers."
-Flight of the Conchords, "Inner City Pressure"

I'm having so many scattered thoughts right now...I'm forgetting which way I was walking a moment ago. I'm ready for the pain to end and for some semblance of peace to come.

I don't want to pray right now.

I'm too upset and frustrated. It's like this rut...and the only way I see out is a way paved in angry and violence...it's hard to remember to even breath at times like this.

But hey you know...everything is alright.

Everything is okay.

Nothing is wrong here.

Everything is passing.

You know...I realize now...it's okay to be twenty-three and no longer act like a teenager.

God that is an amazing concept.

Now for the church stuffz...

For Future Reference...

Artist: Ben Folds Five
Song: Army
Album: The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner

(see bottom for chords)

VERSE 1 (see below for guitar interlude played during verse)
G#
Well I thought about the army
D#m
Dad said, "Son you're fucking high"
C# G#
And I thought, yeah there's a first for everything

So I took my old man's advice, three sad semesters
D#m
It was only fifteen grand
C#
spent in bed, I thought about the army
G# C#/F
I dropped out and joined a band instead


CHORUS (piano solo)
D#m A#m G#maj7
D#m A#m G#maj7


VERSE 2 (same as verse 1 except for Fm chord)
Grew a moustache and a mullet
Got a job at chick-fillet
Citing artistic differences
the band broke up in May
Fm
And in June reformed without me
And they got a different name
I nuked another grandma's apple pie
And hung my head in shame, no

CHORUS (listen to song for the arrangement of the chords)
D#m A#m G#maj7
Been thinking a lot today

D#m A#m G#maj7
Been thinking a lot today

BRIDGE
F# C# G#
Oh Oh Think I'll write a screenplay
F# C# G#
Oh Oh Think I'll take you to LA
F# C# Cm
Oh Oh Think I'll get it done yesterday

(The guitar part played during the bridge goes something like this)
e|------------------------|
b|------------------------| (this followed by triplets of each note heading back down)
g|------------------------| (11-11-11-10-10-10-9-9-9….)
d|------------------------|
a|------------------------|
e|-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-|

PIANO SOLO (listen to song for arrangement of chords)
Fm7 Cm Fm7 Cm
A#7 D#7 G# G#maj7
Fm7 C# C#maj7 Fm/C Fm

GUITAR SOLO (played along with G# D#m C# G# chords)
e|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------|
b|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------|
g|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------|
d|---6-------6s10---8-------8s13---11-------11s15---13---11---10---8---6-|
a|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------|
e|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

HORN INTERLUDE ("")
G# D#m C# G#
G# D#m C# G#

VERSE 3 (same chords as previous verse)
In this time of introspection
On the eve of my election
I say to my reflection
God please spare me more rejection
'Cause my peers, they criticize me
And my ex-wives all despise me
Try to put it all behind me
But my redneck past is nipping at my heels

CHORUS (same as previous chorus)

ENDING
F#maj7
I thought about
A# G#maj7
the army


CHORDS (these are all the chords used in the song. There are a lot but you basically just need G#, D#m and C# for the main parts of the song)


G# 466544
D#m X68876
C# X46664
C#/F X46464
A#m X13321
G#maj7 XX6543
Fm 133111
F# 244322
Cm X35543
Fm7 131111
A#7 X13131
D#7 X68686
C#maj7 XX(11)(10)98
F#maj7 XX4321
A# X13331

Speaking of crazy...my window is open and I'm just hanging out of it singing along to the Ben Fold's song "Army".

It's a good day to go mad!

^_^

I think it's a lovely day to go insane.

Either the scale is broke or I lost ten pounds in three days...crikey!

I'll come out with my diet soon...Total cereal for breakfast...salad for lunch and dinner and 30 minutes of extreme biking while listening to Nine Inch Nails, Saviour Machine, U2, Five Iron Frenzy, Blindside and a few others.

Gee...I CAN be a terrible person with terrible thoughts...

Going a little crazy.

Shaking from holding back and pushing everything back deep inside.

Release.

Breath.

I just want to explode.

I miss classes so freaking much...

Burning Letter Escaping to the Night

God...I just want to be happy but I can't for...certain people.

Is this jealousy?

That people can take vows that I don't understand? Is that what this is all about? Or is it visceral, the physical and sexual?

I mean...I can't even really talk about it to anyone who understands because all these thoughts revolve around people...person...things and thoughts...back in 2005 maybe...something like that.

What the Hell Jesus?

Why am I so self absorbed that I try to hide it as being concern for other people? I don't care most of the time...it's an accident that I help people a lot of the time. And this isn't false humility...this is me just being Matthew.

I'm broken.
I'm tired.
I laugh at random and horrible things.
I wish for hurricanes and huge storms and destruction and get sad when the storms do not disrupt normal life.
I am the creep wanting a zombie apocalypse just so I don't have to worry about renewing my driver's license in three years.

I heard a Voice say 'I love you' and I have believed it.
I'm staking my life on it.
I can't sacrifice my love for my First Love for anything else...because everything is just pale coal in comparison.

The Love burns me and makes me feel again...it reconnects these nerves to my heart I have tried desperately to disconnect. My plot has always been that if I can kill the ability to feel I can kill my need to hear...to obey...but every step I take away I'm buffeted back by this hurricane of love.

This furious and incomprehensible love.

What am I?
Who am I?
Why was I chosen?
Why not someone else?
Why do You even love me?
Why should You even care?

The morning and the coming day are just rushing forward to meet us.

I've lost another musical endeavor and it hurts...hurts like I did when I dropped seminary...when I failed Greek...when I had my heart thrown out the window...when I've broken a girl's heart...when I ate lunch by myself everyday in my dorm room the last two semesters of school because I was terrified of being in the lunch room...I can hear the episodes of Bleach and taste the stale premade Nestea.

I've walked endless lanes around Mobile, in Orr Park...day and night...just seeing faces and water fall...

I'm seeing dinosaur fossils in my mind and the coffee shop...Javs City...how that was such a fundamental social experience from my first days of school to the last months.

None of this matters because the people there will never see this and if they do they will never realize it is about them...I miss the friendships...I miss knowing Jesus was going to do something special...I don't want to move forward...I want the past because I can live there...sad and numb to life.

I'm running...not to stand still but to escape...and nothing sill.

Nothing.

The rawness.

How can I reconcile all of these images?


Muse!

Mistress of the night and written word...SPEAK TO ME!

How might I reconcile all of these Matthews, all of these different views into one? How do I bring one split back to being one? How do I rectify all this damage before it is too late?

Breath into me.
Kiss me with your sweet Spirit and give me energy, help me to reclaim what it means to even be human.

I'm working this out...thinking about how it is and will be.
Letting the words burn through the air...just as...

Breathing.
Day light into night.