*twitch*

Repressed rage growing.

Urge to wipe out creation amplifying.

Thankful

I could write about the negative...but the plus is I have a bed that is warm, a lovable psychotic cat that is sleeping on my arm right now, a glass full of the red flavor Gatorade, air conditioner to keep my room cold enough for me to sleep, a laptop that works, Internet that mostly works, I have all of my limbs and digits, I still have all of my hair, I may be in an an excruciating amount of pain but I am still alive, I may feel alone but I'm not.

I am my Love's and Jesus loves me with a deep, amazing, intoxicating love that has carried me so far...I'm so...unworthy, hurting, afraid but loved.

I'm afraid of pushing the ones I want to love away...help me please. I don't want to become my dad...I don't want to live in the past, I don't want to be anything except one who loves and will sacrifice to share Your love.

Thank you for carrying me this far...please make this new day be new...with Your love.

"Yeah I went with nothing
Nothing but the thought of you
I went wandering"

I have slept less than four hours in something like thirty hours...I'm bad at math...why am I not more exhausted?

Why can't my mind just be purged of all this mud and mire?

I'm putting too much stock into something that most likely won't even matter anyway...I just wish I could stop dreaming.

Enough.
Already.
Please.