"Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable, let's prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all."
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Saturday, September 18, 2010
Maybe things with my health will finally be under control after next week...it's either going to be a super increase of medication and more antibiotics...or they will just chop off the parts of me that are infected on the inside.
Not sure which one I want more...I just know I would like normality, to be able to talk without loosing my breath from pain...to sleep more than an hour or so at a time...maybe even just be able to break out and run full speed again.
I mean...things could no doubt be much worse...I am lucky that I only have to deal with physical pain and nausea...God knows if this was a type of cancer or flesh eating disease what I would be dealing with.
Instead it is a pain disorder mixed with an infection.
Still...can't help but be concerned...I really want to finish this semester and be healthier...maybe there will be a means and a way to do both...maybe...hopefully, hopefully.
So much ickness...I really, really, really hope I will be getting off of medications one way or another...I am already afraid I'm going to have severe issues with sleep again once this is all said and done.
At least I'm not addicted to anything or am in a position where I "have" to have pain medication...sure it would be nice to be able to skip around without excruciating pain...but where would the fun be in that?
I do believe the appropriate Princess Bride quote is "Life is pain princess! Anyone who says different is selling you something."
I figure I drag Jesus' name through the mud enough that there isn't much a need to actually try and overly associate him with this blog and my mad ravings...but it's like...with this pain...I think it is a chance to surrender and just make one step at a time...because I really have no other choice.
But really...I haven't been crawling as much as being dragged and eventually carried because of everything...everything...
Not sure which one I want more...I just know I would like normality, to be able to talk without loosing my breath from pain...to sleep more than an hour or so at a time...maybe even just be able to break out and run full speed again.
I mean...things could no doubt be much worse...I am lucky that I only have to deal with physical pain and nausea...God knows if this was a type of cancer or flesh eating disease what I would be dealing with.
Instead it is a pain disorder mixed with an infection.
Still...can't help but be concerned...I really want to finish this semester and be healthier...maybe there will be a means and a way to do both...maybe...hopefully, hopefully.
So much ickness...I really, really, really hope I will be getting off of medications one way or another...I am already afraid I'm going to have severe issues with sleep again once this is all said and done.
At least I'm not addicted to anything or am in a position where I "have" to have pain medication...sure it would be nice to be able to skip around without excruciating pain...but where would the fun be in that?
I do believe the appropriate Princess Bride quote is "Life is pain princess! Anyone who says different is selling you something."
I figure I drag Jesus' name through the mud enough that there isn't much a need to actually try and overly associate him with this blog and my mad ravings...but it's like...with this pain...I think it is a chance to surrender and just make one step at a time...because I really have no other choice.
But really...I haven't been crawling as much as being dragged and eventually carried because of everything...everything...
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