Wordless.
Speechless.
I don't even know what to say.
It's hard waking up,
it's harder getting up.
Facing life isn't what it used to be,
you don't have assurance
you don't get second chances.
It feels a clutter,
it fee;s weak and loose.
I don't even have words for tonight.
I keep loosing ground with every sigh,
I keep loosing myself forgoing foresight.
I want to breath again,
I want to remember life,
I want to breath deep
and take in forgotten air.
I've got nothing but you
and you say you've got naught but me.
I don't know numbers
and won't pretend to understand
when all I've got is my hurt.
I can't pretend to walk
when I can't stand.
I won't pretend to understand
when all I do is doubt.
The only thing I begin to feel certain about
is how uncertain you make me feel tonight
and every night of every day.
It's not a dance nor an embrace.
I'm empty and you're all I've got
and it's not enough.
Not enough for today or tomorrow
or the shadows stretching out past your face.
Just can we try,
try to put the past behind for tonight,
just letting love run free.
Beyond my self, beyond my fear
and doubt of your real existence,
can we just be here
and be here tonight?
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Getting A Bit Better
Can looking myself in the mirror, staring deep and trying to honestly find myself lead to the bigger problems being fixed?
Directly no.
That is an impossible thought.
But taking the time to realize who I am and sincerely where I stand in the world, taking realistic and healthy looks at myself will only lead to the potential for positive changes.
The problems we face...easier to just use the word sin...all of it is caused by pride on some level or another...pride in thinking we are the ones who are in control, we own our bodies, we can control others, we can use others, we can blindly act without regard to others...this crazy notion that we shape our own destiny and that we are the ones who are central to the story of life.
It is sort of spitting reality in the face...this lie of thinking we are more important...which sort of flies in the face of humility and love.
Honestly, if there there is no difference in morality then why even bother trying to have a point in the first place?
If all of this is absolutely relative and simply based upon preference then there is no sincerity, no love and no real purpose in anything.
Even pleasure has no meaning because there has to be a measure of which can be judged good and pleasurable...life just becomes useless rubbish with no meaning.
That could be a sincere and healthy dose of reality...the actual possibility of no hope, no love, no God, no goodness and just the idea of us all being a random accident.
That is a possibility but at the same time any attempt for someone to force their belief is null and void because they have no right to claim superiority.
But what would that even matter?
Hypothetical thought only does so much when you have had truth standing next to you and touching your heart, breaking you and brining you back to life.
What is the point of truth if you choose to ignore it?
Facts can't save humanity, only action and decision to move past our inflated egos and embrace love...can have any real change...and not just love...but sincere and infinite love offered only by the one bigger than all.
I'm tired of feeling like I'm only half alive...because I'm ignoring the truth I've found and felt...ignoring real love that goes beyond my inability to cope with people...I mean...just ignoring truth and the fact I'm broken and am frail but I'm not hopeless...that no one is hopeless...that we all deserve and should be loved...ignoring the fact that if I stopped long enough I can be loved and brought closer to the end of this life but one step closer to absolute truth, reality beyond reality...hope beyond hope.
Directly no.
That is an impossible thought.
But taking the time to realize who I am and sincerely where I stand in the world, taking realistic and healthy looks at myself will only lead to the potential for positive changes.
The problems we face...easier to just use the word sin...all of it is caused by pride on some level or another...pride in thinking we are the ones who are in control, we own our bodies, we can control others, we can use others, we can blindly act without regard to others...this crazy notion that we shape our own destiny and that we are the ones who are central to the story of life.
It is sort of spitting reality in the face...this lie of thinking we are more important...which sort of flies in the face of humility and love.
Honestly, if there there is no difference in morality then why even bother trying to have a point in the first place?
If all of this is absolutely relative and simply based upon preference then there is no sincerity, no love and no real purpose in anything.
Even pleasure has no meaning because there has to be a measure of which can be judged good and pleasurable...life just becomes useless rubbish with no meaning.
That could be a sincere and healthy dose of reality...the actual possibility of no hope, no love, no God, no goodness and just the idea of us all being a random accident.
That is a possibility but at the same time any attempt for someone to force their belief is null and void because they have no right to claim superiority.
But what would that even matter?
Hypothetical thought only does so much when you have had truth standing next to you and touching your heart, breaking you and brining you back to life.
What is the point of truth if you choose to ignore it?
Facts can't save humanity, only action and decision to move past our inflated egos and embrace love...can have any real change...and not just love...but sincere and infinite love offered only by the one bigger than all.
I'm tired of feeling like I'm only half alive...because I'm ignoring the truth I've found and felt...ignoring real love that goes beyond my inability to cope with people...I mean...just ignoring truth and the fact I'm broken and am frail but I'm not hopeless...that no one is hopeless...that we all deserve and should be loved...ignoring the fact that if I stopped long enough I can be loved and brought closer to the end of this life but one step closer to absolute truth, reality beyond reality...hope beyond hope.
A few items of note:
1.Feeling so nauseated I can't get out of bed sucks, no matter how you look at it.
2.My cell phone must have new Verizon Wireless technology that allows it to make controlled cell phone sized worm holes for it to disappaer into and reapear at random points in my room.
3.Not getting replies in the email from specific people concernign internships.
4.Feeling more confused now more than ever about stuff.
2.My cell phone must have new Verizon Wireless technology that allows it to make controlled cell phone sized worm holes for it to disappaer into and reapear at random points in my room.
3.Not getting replies in the email from specific people concernign internships.
4.Feeling more confused now more than ever about stuff.
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