It is not as if I enjoy being a multilayer creature of various secrets and hypocrisy...far from it. I struggle with hating myself for every single breath I take, every word I have ever spoken and for every step forward.
I'm supposed to know good from bad but no one ever mentioned the gray areas much.
I feel so sick and so fake so often.
The plus side is I have my vanilla pudding and water right this moment.
They are nice.
There is no finality, even in death. Nothing truly ever ends in the way that we would perceive it would or hope to process it as. But then again we do not even understand the ideas of things unfolding or becoming more or what they truly are.
There is no need for rash or stupid decisions.
Prudence is needed.
Maybe.
Friday, February 13, 2009
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