Distance but Not Always Seeing

Eternity is a ship out of port
but it's a pathway stretching two ways,
from here until there
but why can I not see You today?

I'm holding my breath,
having anticipation
and anxiety
with such splendid pains
that keep me building towers,
all that I can look
with the hope
that You,
You may cross my line of vision
and I can let go
falling deeper in love with You.

Whispers of a long lost Muse
and nerve endings
digging in with fire burning claws,
screaming for a healing kiss
and a touch of peace,
but we live in a world of constant war,
pain and strife are dime a dozen
with sorrow on the sleeve.

I believe as I doubt,
hand in hands
holding tight as I run,
from here until eternity,
stretched out in pain
but hoping.

Fear and malady
as I let go
falling fast and free,
the wind in my hair
as I blow a kiss
with not a care
or ability to miss
whatever this life was supposed to be.

Instead it's in this moment
where I look and wander,
here...there...the key unlocks
and all this overflows.

This whole never ending chronic pain thing is simply becoming exasperating.

All the joints, and I mean all the blasted things, are hurting right now.

Wrists, fingers, knees, elbows, toes...it's not a joint but my freaking neck/head.

I am wanting to laugh my head off.

I am in so much pain that I honest to God would cry tears of joy for a shot of morphine...but I am laughing with tears because of how absurd it is for a twenty-four year old male with little "logical" reason for being in so much pain.

Jesus is utterly cracked and I am with Him on that notion.