I'm...confused...sleepy and stressed...worried too...

But it'll be okay...

If I hear the phrase "reformed pastor" or just "reformed" in the sense of theological pretentious bollocks I'm throwing the TV out the window.

Seems like the numbers were falling right...almost like a Muse whispered in my ear about my personality...how when things change and get messy I tend to fall apart...I need to think deeper on those thoughts...find the way I'm supposed to walk...

Spoiled brat syndrome is definitely something that can go out the window...

On the plus side...have about ten hours to think after my last temper tantrum...I'm trying to keep people out of this hole I'm in...the pain is something that keeps me apart and it's almost...scary to let anyone in this far...

And why the fuck am I sleeping on the floor?

I don't understand that exactly.

I thought I was doing better...but now that I'm about to leave...there is a lot of anger, fear, annoyance, resentment and general enraged feeling deep inside me.

What the hell?

Seriously...of all the times she has to drag that ass along...I just honestly do not understand what the hell people think or do...I'm sick of this place, I hate this place.

I hate these people...this 'family'...this facade...it makes me physically ill...ironically...

The next time extra family decide to tag along...to make my medical trip into a mini vacation...and putting the guy getting poked and prodded on the floor...next time I think I'll just politely bite my tongue, tell them to shove off and I'll hitch hike my way to the hospital...

*insert angry mumbling*

The world has enough ego maniacs in my idols...so why do I feel the need to contribute?

Loose Change

Teach me to sing
'cause I lost my voice.
Teach me to breath
because You made me loose touch,
made me loose and I forgot how to breath.
For this first time You made me feel,
made me feel love.

"In a Little While" - U2

In a little while surely you'll be mine
In a little while I'll be there
In a little while this hurt will hurt no more
I'll be home, love
When the night takes a deep breath and the daylight has no air
If I crawl, if I come crawling home will you be there

In a little while I won't be blown by every breeze
Friday night running to Sunday on my knees
That girl, that girl, she's mine
Well I've known her since
Since she was a little girl with Spanish eyes
When I saw her in a pram they pushed her by
My how you've grown
Well, it's been, it's been a little while

Slow down my beating heart

A man dreams one day to fly
A man takes a rocketship into the skies
He lives on a star that's dying in the night
And follows in the trail, the scatter of light
Turn it on, turn it on, you turn me on

Slow down my beating heart
Slowly, slowly love
Slow down my beating heart
Slowly, slowly love
Slow down my beating heart
Slowly, slowly love

Gone

I'll be leaving in a few hours and heading to Jacksonville, FL to the Mayo clinic to get more diagnostic testing done on my stomach.

My check in with the hospital is around seven am on Monday and I'll meet the doctor over my case at eight. I'll find out then how many days I'll be there for and how many exciting and 'fun' tests my body will be subjected to.

Not much else I can say except any thoughts, prayers, well wishes and the like are welcomed as always.

I'll try to throw some updates out while I'm down there but it'll most depend on my state of consciousness as well as any access to free wifi.