Trioblóid

I hate how oversensitive I am.
I can't stand it.
I am angry at myself for being upset over such insignificant little trifles.
This...this weakness, this exposing myself and letting tiny particles in between the rusted armor around this broken heart...they get in deep and won't leave.

I just...need to get outside more.
See the sunlight.
I've been by myself for almost a week after being drunk off the intoxicating liquor of love, of closeness...of feeling what it is like to no longer be alone...

The Dark...the shade which inhabits my soul...infects my body and pushes into my mind...it loves this pain. It finds excuse to lure me deep into myself so I can leave everyone and everything...just push away and grow further introverted, further from You and my beloved...and what...and why?

Adam and Eve ran and his when they sinned and as a byproduct recognized they were exposed to the world...the innocence was lost, they knew no needs and were complete...and that sin entered in and introduced just a single unexpected factor and screws up so much.

All of this discontent, fear, anger, displacement...all of these base and raw emotions I hate...I am afraid of...I can't stand...I fear.

I love you, I hate you.
Both in the same breath.
I never asked for this life
and woke up one day
to find demands
and pain screaming through my soul.

I never would have picked this life
because of the pain I have faced
but then again,
I never would have seen this beauty
or be the person I am.
Where would she have been
without your guidance
and your boundless grace?
Would we have met even?


I'm silly to fall into circles I have already been out of.
Trouble, so much trouble.
Yet...there is still love...even for when my faith is so weak.
I still have so much further to go...before...