Everything that was and will Never be

Hope.
Hope.
Hope.

God I just want to feel,
break me out
pull me out
and save me from my Hell.

Everything
falling
just breaking
and becoming
whatever it will be.

I miss my Muse.
The inspiration
beyond understand
replaced
by self condemnation,
doubt and guilt.

Hope.
Beautiful hope
that none of this will remain
but that
peace will soon overflow.

Spiraling Out of Control

Seeing life as I see
falling out of sync
and full of speed,
I reach full momentum
and feel the rips form
as I fall away
just away from you.

It's another day
just another way
of realizing
everything
just all that is
and will ever be
is limited by the finite
and I will be forced
to say my farewells
kissing everyone goodbye.

Innocent whims of hope
wanting to feel
and know the dawn is coming
and that I'll never be alone.

Just silly childish things
like my heart in my chest
loosing ground because of the pain.

What is real?
I am digging this hole
just to throw everything
so I can tangibly feel my regret
and embrace this stupidity inside.

It gnaws at my soul
and scratches on the inside of my chest
just with no true rest
on this perpetual
and madding
course.

What is this?
I am not sure I ever really knew.
Regret fills my soul
at the pain I have caused.
Innocent to everything but what mattered.

I just wanted to love and be loved
but...what are these inkling thoughts?
Such an endless and perpetual
struggle to breath.

This truly dies
only when it is closed.
Breath...press on...and live.

Quote of the Day:

"Can a mortal ask questions which God finds unanswerable? Quite easily, I should think. All nonsense questions are unanswerable."
-C.S. Lewis

Psalm 53

"Only fools say in their hearts,
“There is no God.”
They are corrupt, and their actions are evil;
not one of them does good!"
-Psalm 53:1

I have been this fool.
In just denying with how I love...how empty...how useless and pointless how I convey love.

It is the systematic breakdown of my cheap imitation of faithfulness.

I want to do good...but I never desire it...I want to desire hope...love...charity...goodwill...peace...compassion...love...love...love...

But my heart is wracked with all of these doubts and ill things.
Father...I'm sick...oh so sick.
I need You to heal me...to make me right again.

This...none of this...is right.

Help me start...anew.

Please.

With the people I have hurt...offended and pushed further from Your Love...please forgive me, help me to forgive myself and rededicate myself to living not to please them...or myself...but to simply receive and convey this infinitely beautiful love that is my drug, my oxygen...everything I need and want so badly.

=/

Oh dear...oh dear...I suppose there is no way you will know but I'm praying, have been praying and will continue to pray oh so fervently...