Quote of the Day:

"Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a piece of blank paper until your forehead bleeds."
-Douglas Adams

Psalm 83

"O God, do not be silent!
Do not be deaf.
Do not be quiet, O God.
Don’t you hear the uproar of your enemies?
Don’t you see that your arrogant enemies are rising up?"
-Psalm 83:1-2

So many thoughts about judgment...and what it means to be on the receiving end of your just rage against sin and our disobedience.
But...if I understand...this judgment is something we choose by not letting you fix us, by redeeming us...it is an eternal action but also a daily process...of Hells or Heavens.

I'm tired of feeling like I am the enemy...you mention us about being sons and daughters...but God I just don't know what to do.
You know?

I mean...it is easy to talk doctrine but until it is truth in the heart and mind...what good are our attempts to systematically categorize you?
I want the love to be real...and for the obedience in my life to come from love...not terror...

Silly Moments of Time

I strived to impress people who had little vested interest in me to begin with...making a fool out of myself and going above and beyond for nothing...when just simple joys around me are so much better than bleeding myself dry over toxic relationships.

I never thought I would be so grateful for the taste of Gatorade and cereal in the morning.

I am alive.
I could have died at any point in the past twenty-four years...and I am grateful to be so loved, so cared about.

I go on about the negative and heaven knows I have enough to complain about...but I am grateful to be able to move at all, to speak and type this silly thing with so many millions have no clean water, food or electricity.

I don't know why you love me Father but thank you.
Help me to learn what that love really means...

"As the Ruin Falls" by C.S. Lewis

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love --a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.