Once again I must profess my bafflement.

I am rather sure this must feel like a daily routine to you but I am confused. Really confused, we're talking more confused then ever. Let me put it this way:

Every day is more confusing then the previous. Every morning I wake up I am more confused and bewildered then the day before. Every day of my life is the most confusing day. I learn something new, I forget something important, I get bruised, I hurt someones feelings, I hurt myself, I forget the importance of your love, I choose to embrace hate, I feel sorta lost in ways and overall it is just an embracing of a something that I do not understand.

The mind is hazy, the temperature is sorta mild in an awkward way, the sky is light gray with traces of a color I am not familiar with, the sandwich I just ate was good but only in the way that a sandwich made with spicy mustard is when you compare it to the goodness of regular mustard. You know? It isn't the same, it never is the same.

Regular mustard is the foundation of good food. Hands down.

But work is in a few minutes, I really dislike that place. The people are people but I hate the job, I do not feel like trying to get people to buy useless crap they will most likely not even remember buying.

It feels dehumanizing in a way, is that overly dramatic? Is my desire for regular mustard dramatic too?

Listen, I want to do the right thing. I do not like setting off on my own and acting like I am some kind of special thing that people should fawn over. I do not even like fawning over myself...but at the same time it honestly helps to hear compliments, to be reassured that I am actually indeed something unique and special.

It even helps to hear from YOU every now and again, of course by every now and again i mean now, now and forever. Is that unreasonable?



I am told to act. Goody. It is not like I ever considered that possibility.

The thing is I want to act out and move in the way that would be right, that would be beneficial, that would make you happy. It is confusing talking in abstract terms and thinking in them...placing things concretely might help but ultimately it would still be a headache of some sort and magnitude.

It is not like I have ever seen this before, or never moved before, or acted before...for whatever reason it feels scarier and just really not what I like to deal with.

Or something. Really, I just do not know what to say at this point. I do not care about trying or wanting to be funny. I don't like the way things are. I would like to be closer then we ever have been, I want to do more then touch...I would like to be as one.

Small Words

Some things may be spoken
Others rhymed
Half breath statements barely alive

Some things can be said
Others must be emphasized
Bold words largely revised

A breath of air in the dark
Large falsehoods painted in red
Embolden by their vulgar stark

What, a plea outside for the inward dead?
Acting so free with that life,
Casting about with those looks so trite
Affection never rang so true
Except by words you said

This pride could be said
Vernacular demised
But some things are better left unsaid
At least until they are screamed

-A Suit A Tie, The Key Isn't the Point
-Of Elephants and Donkeys
-Bleeding Hearts, Broken Mines
-The Beginning's End
-The Only Things I Hate More Then Myself is Your Smile (But Other Then That I Think I'm Starting to Like You)
-At Long Last A Song Without the E Chord
-Zombie Express Train
-Music of the Brain Dead
-It's Not That I'm Critical As Much As You Suffer From Bad Tastes

If I ever wanted 'proof' of the non-existence of God I think MTV alone would be enough to do the trick. It at least would remind me of the death of most good music, common sense and the downfall of society in general.

I suppose knowing that the vast majority of things eventually will have no meaning and will simply contribute to the piling of metaphorical trash in the world.

Maybe we should start to burn some of these excess metaphors as a source of energy.