I'll be honest, I'm not huge on family oriented events. I have never understood how to act at one, what to do, where to be, what to say and how to say it. If I could genuinely be myself...smile, make corny/utterly mind blowing jokes, talk about random knowledge, understand the people I was around, felt like I was being understood...then that would all be peachy. But it's not, not really.
The question I ask myself is how much is my fault? Do I not want to be sociable? Am I just being a selfish little cry baby about problems that occurred years and maybe even almost decades ago?
Another question for the ages: Who am I, really? Am I simply defined by the perceptions of others? The individual failures and victories in life? The sum total of my entire being? Does any of this really even matter? Assuming it does matter, does it even matter that it matters (thank you for that little tidbit Marvin, you've always been my favorite fictional paranoid android)?
Don't misunderstand me, I am not simply trying to complain or say stuff simply because I can. These are legitimate thoughts that run through my mind at any given time through any of the time I dwell at this house located in the middle of nowhere.
As a kind friend of mine pointed it out, I need actual legitimate fellowship of some kind. Can you buy those in six packs at Wal-Mart? I find it rather odd how we seek to replace genuine human contact with this lovely digital universe in front of you. I'm not sure how much is intentional and how much is the bastard child of commercialism but it seems like genuine human contact is going down with the advent of the digitalized.
There really is no need to get excited, really. No need for deep and meditative thought. It's merely a day to rejoice and give thanks for things we do not realize are around us. It'll all be okay as the hours roll by and the lives we live continue to slip further and further away from our grasps.
Um, on a happy note...uh...um...I like...books?
Thursday, November 22, 2007
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