Ack.
I feel like death.
But I can and will still smile.
The pain will not rob me of this joy...
"Jesus my heart is all i have to give to you, so weak and so unworthy,
this simply will not do, no alabaster jar, no diamond in the rough,
for your body that was broken, how can this be enough?
by me you were abandoned, by me you were betrayed,
yet in your arms and in your heart forever i have stayed
Your glory illuminates my life, and no darkness will descend,
for you have loved me forever, and your love will never end"
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
The Baffling Nature of Want
People do not know what they need, much less what they deepest desires mean.
We all have these...things...inside of us, telling us what to do, dictating our direction, trying to convince us of what is right...wrong...acceptable...repulsive...and so on and so forth.
Love.
Hate.
Desire.
Need.
Morals.
All of these things.
We impress our feelings, emotions, thoughts, needs, desires, understanding of actions onto other people and get horribly offended when they do not realize or catch onto what WE want.
We expect people to play to our standards.
Our wants.
Our demands.
It's natural and what we expect of life because we are constantly immersed in the illusion that the world centers around ourselves. It can be assumed that the sociopaths among us did not learn as they grew up from childhood that their perspective is not the only in the world.
It is a struggle to find that balance of realizing we are not alone.
Both in the mundane and divine sense.
It is ridiculous and surreal...we are human and created in such an odd sense.
But here we are...to deal with the awkwardness of being human...of breathing, living, dying and trying to figure our just who we are, what we are doing, where we are going...it's a large and confusing circle that tends to make very little sense.
Which is why we get so upset when people do not understand what we mean by God, love, truth, living, compassion and actual honest to goodness bothering to show respect towards other human beings.
We all have these...things...inside of us, telling us what to do, dictating our direction, trying to convince us of what is right...wrong...acceptable...repulsive...and so on and so forth.
Love.
Hate.
Desire.
Need.
Morals.
All of these things.
We impress our feelings, emotions, thoughts, needs, desires, understanding of actions onto other people and get horribly offended when they do not realize or catch onto what WE want.
We expect people to play to our standards.
Our wants.
Our demands.
It's natural and what we expect of life because we are constantly immersed in the illusion that the world centers around ourselves. It can be assumed that the sociopaths among us did not learn as they grew up from childhood that their perspective is not the only in the world.
It is a struggle to find that balance of realizing we are not alone.
Both in the mundane and divine sense.
It is ridiculous and surreal...we are human and created in such an odd sense.
But here we are...to deal with the awkwardness of being human...of breathing, living, dying and trying to figure our just who we are, what we are doing, where we are going...it's a large and confusing circle that tends to make very little sense.
Which is why we get so upset when people do not understand what we mean by God, love, truth, living, compassion and actual honest to goodness bothering to show respect towards other human beings.
Being Here
This broken tomb is fading
yeah, just rotting from the inside out
and here I am
just waiting,
waiting to feel You here.
Feel the breeze push back my hair
and feel the fire singe my clothes
as You pass by.
I want to see You
and feel You pass by.
Feel the world break
and this realm shake
as Your presence comes near.
I want to be like Elijah
and know You have come
by the gentle whisper on the breeze
that would say 'peace be still'
to calm the raging seas
that rip apart my heart
and I want to see
what it means
to be loved.
yeah, just rotting from the inside out
and here I am
just waiting,
waiting to feel You here.
Feel the breeze push back my hair
and feel the fire singe my clothes
as You pass by.
I want to see You
and feel You pass by.
Feel the world break
and this realm shake
as Your presence comes near.
I want to be like Elijah
and know You have come
by the gentle whisper on the breeze
that would say 'peace be still'
to calm the raging seas
that rip apart my heart
and I want to see
what it means
to be loved.
Insufficient Praise
Jesus...I'm not sure if it's the pain screaming through my body...or the bit of conversation I just had...but thank you.
You just...I think I finally got the point You have been trying to get me to understand for a while.
...am I always this hard headed and silly?
You made a strong point.
To react negatively would...nullify the point.
I am having trouble keeping myself from being violently ill...the migraine is excruciating...my spine is singing out in dissonance...my heart is baffled...but oh my soul?
Will You promise...it will rejoice this much...if not more so when our eyes meet for the first time? When we embrace? Oh Lover..my Love...my sweet, sweet Love...can You promise to intoxicate my soul like this with every moment of prayer, every embrace and every time we brush against each other?
I just need You...please...please let the inferior slip away...marriage makes sense...to be able to teach others to see You...with such passion and intimacy...that the love for each other points TOWARD this...I don't need that silly trapping.
Just please...let me fall down this rabbit hole even further...let me drink of this grace...let me feel it burn my insides as it fills me with warmth.
Teach me...love me...oh never let me remain the same...thank you for grace...for the cross...for so much love oh Lover...oh thank You.
You just...I think I finally got the point You have been trying to get me to understand for a while.
...am I always this hard headed and silly?
You made a strong point.
To react negatively would...nullify the point.
I am having trouble keeping myself from being violently ill...the migraine is excruciating...my spine is singing out in dissonance...my heart is baffled...but oh my soul?
Will You promise...it will rejoice this much...if not more so when our eyes meet for the first time? When we embrace? Oh Lover..my Love...my sweet, sweet Love...can You promise to intoxicate my soul like this with every moment of prayer, every embrace and every time we brush against each other?
I just need You...please...please let the inferior slip away...marriage makes sense...to be able to teach others to see You...with such passion and intimacy...that the love for each other points TOWARD this...I don't need that silly trapping.
Just please...let me fall down this rabbit hole even further...let me drink of this grace...let me feel it burn my insides as it fills me with warmth.
Teach me...love me...oh never let me remain the same...thank you for grace...for the cross...for so much love oh Lover...oh thank You.
Billowing Heights
I want to go walk in a field of dandelions
and feel the wind again,
just like it used to be.
The hill where I could stand
and feel the ages pass
and I could just be me.
and feel the wind again,
just like it used to be.
The hill where I could stand
and feel the ages pass
and I could just be me.
I don't even have words right now.
The fact is...I just hope I have helped instead of screwing things up like I tend to.
Taking advice from me is about as safe as poking a rabid pack of lions with a stick.
Bad, bad, bad.
I want to help...but I somehow doubt my own sincerity...
At least I can't screw up praying.
Hopefully.
=/
The fact is...I just hope I have helped instead of screwing things up like I tend to.
Taking advice from me is about as safe as poking a rabid pack of lions with a stick.
Bad, bad, bad.
I want to help...but I somehow doubt my own sincerity...
At least I can't screw up praying.
Hopefully.
=/
Quote of the Day:
"Weak people are those who know the truth, but who maintain it only as far as it is in their interest to do so. Beyond that, they abandon it."
-Blaise Pascal
-Blaise Pascal
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