I.
Hurt.
Friday, August 14, 2009
"The Road goes ever on..."
Right now I'm listening to a mixture of Ben Folds and Streetlight Manifesto so I can pass the time until I leave. It's not that I miss home (I do miss Home Home however, if it is possible to miss somewhere you've never been) but I'm so exhausted from the shared space. I do not understand how people are able to be in enclosed areas like this and not go crazy.
Regardless the future awaits.
Yesterday I went to have a consult with the pain doctor and his number one suggestion for me was to go to a three week pain management course so that my symptoms do not worsen and hopefully it will lead to me getting a somewhat better sense of this magical thing called 'health'.
The only foreseeable problem is that this place is located in a distant land known as Rochester, Minnesota. Turns out it is a real state and is south of this strange land called Canada that I thought existed only in John Candy films. Who knew health care would also teach me elementary level geography?
I'll find out in the coming weeks whether or not Insurance will pay for this, if I can get in and when exactly I'll be there. Assuming things go through with the clinic I'm looking into staying with friends both before and after so this is looking like this might turn into a month (+) longer exodus.
It's been a strange week. More than I can ever write about happened...strange thoughts and occurrences...people I will never see...paintings that were made of various shades of living color.
It's been easy for me to live with this notion that one day everything will slide into place...clarity will come and everything will be waiting for me. As if the Universe would hold everything out on a silver etched platter and then the Universe would just tip his at at me and walk off with a stride that would make
Zaphod Beeblebrox blush.
I do believe everything happens as it will for a purpose. Some might call it faith, predestination, ka, politics, karma, life, drugs or whatever...I think of it as being the love of God holding us and letting us live despite our screw ups.
I don't know how to stop and just breath. To be able to look around and enjoy the smells, sounds and taste of where I am...I have few enjoyable moments of just enjoying life from college. Not that people didn't try to involve me but I was too busy with my own world to really just be thankful I was enjoying standing there.
If that makes sense.
I almost feel that I'm over thinking over thinking.
"There's never gonna be a moment of truth for you
While the world is watching
All you need is the thing you forgotten
And that's to learn to live with what you are"
-Ben Folds, "Learn to Live With What You Are"
The point, I think, is that...it is nice to just sit here on this hotel bed and watch the sun rise over the Atlantic ocean. It is nice to stretch my legs out and feel the sheets just lay there. It's nice to know that I can breath and just think for a few more moments.
I want simply try to enjoy and not let so many small things annoy me beyond expression.
I don't know where this road is going...and for now I think that is okay. I've got my laptop in one hand, my Bible in another, my backpack loaded up and my baseball bat on standby.
World I am ready.
"The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say. "
-Frodo Baggins
Regardless the future awaits.
Yesterday I went to have a consult with the pain doctor and his number one suggestion for me was to go to a three week pain management course so that my symptoms do not worsen and hopefully it will lead to me getting a somewhat better sense of this magical thing called 'health'.
The only foreseeable problem is that this place is located in a distant land known as Rochester, Minnesota. Turns out it is a real state and is south of this strange land called Canada that I thought existed only in John Candy films. Who knew health care would also teach me elementary level geography?
I'll find out in the coming weeks whether or not Insurance will pay for this, if I can get in and when exactly I'll be there. Assuming things go through with the clinic I'm looking into staying with friends both before and after so this is looking like this might turn into a month (+) longer exodus.
It's been a strange week. More than I can ever write about happened...strange thoughts and occurrences...people I will never see...paintings that were made of various shades of living color.
It's been easy for me to live with this notion that one day everything will slide into place...clarity will come and everything will be waiting for me. As if the Universe would hold everything out on a silver etched platter and then the Universe would just tip his at at me and walk off with a stride that would make
Zaphod Beeblebrox blush.
I do believe everything happens as it will for a purpose. Some might call it faith, predestination, ka, politics, karma, life, drugs or whatever...I think of it as being the love of God holding us and letting us live despite our screw ups.
I don't know how to stop and just breath. To be able to look around and enjoy the smells, sounds and taste of where I am...I have few enjoyable moments of just enjoying life from college. Not that people didn't try to involve me but I was too busy with my own world to really just be thankful I was enjoying standing there.
If that makes sense.
I almost feel that I'm over thinking over thinking.
"There's never gonna be a moment of truth for you
While the world is watching
All you need is the thing you forgotten
And that's to learn to live with what you are"
-Ben Folds, "Learn to Live With What You Are"
The point, I think, is that...it is nice to just sit here on this hotel bed and watch the sun rise over the Atlantic ocean. It is nice to stretch my legs out and feel the sheets just lay there. It's nice to know that I can breath and just think for a few more moments.
I want simply try to enjoy and not let so many small things annoy me beyond expression.
I don't know where this road is going...and for now I think that is okay. I've got my laptop in one hand, my Bible in another, my backpack loaded up and my baseball bat on standby.
World I am ready.
"The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say. "
-Frodo Baggins
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