Peace.

Quote of the Day:

"Man with all his shrewdness is as stupid about understanding by himself the mysteries of God, as a donkey is incapable of understanding musical harmony."
-John Calvin

Psalm 81

"You must never have a foreign god;
you must not bow down before a false god.
For it was I, the Lord your God,
who rescued you from the land of Egypt.
Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things."
-Psalm 81:9-10

Beloved...Abba...the idols in my life look so much like me.
The false god I pursue looks so much like me.

My Egypt, my slavery of self hate...addiction to pleasure...to buying, to controlling, to beating myself in order to feel good about my spirituality.

I've been alive for almost twenty-four years and I am still learning the very basic aspects of what it means to be a Christian.

Simplicity...love today, tomorrow...

My faith is so weak that I can't believe that God loves me for me...and likes me despite my tendency to sin. I don't need to worry about the 'grand' lessons...I just need to learn what it means to love and be loved. To stop running back to Egypt and be able to find contentment in this place.

So much going on...so many things, so many thoughts...

The air is somewhat cooler but still having some trouble breathing...ack...lousy lungs...why do you disdain me along with the rest of my body?

There is hope...unexpected beauty in this dark night...


It is just...struggling with who I am takes its toll after a while.
I want to be faithful.
That is all I want.
But I am afraid of the pain I cause...and all the hurt...choices, decisions, feelings, life...expression.

I miss art.
I miss what felt like the Muse directly injecting ideas into my soul.
I also miss the peace that comes from silence and obedience.

I can smile.
I will smile.