Bargh.

How...can I be useful or helpful?

I just feel so useless...I know prayer is not useless...but I wish I could do more...more than give well wishes and prayers...but do the impossible and physically change things...for the better.

Quote of the Day:

"So it seems God is OKAY with killing, but gets ticked if openly gay people are allowed to participate. Hard to imagine a more bizarre deity."
-Greg Boyd

Broken Traffic Lights

Why do I care so much about little things that have no real value or meaning beside the petty and minute label I bestow upon them?

Why do I invest emotion and time into things that I know will wither, decay and be blown into the wind?

Why do I exhaust what little energy I have after being sick over something so temporal and fleeting?

Hope.
Faith.
Love.

Hope that despite the inward decay and pain, I will one day stand on distant shores.
Faith that the Love which has captivated me will follow through on every promise.
Love that is so weak and broken, but still I try to share.

The pain will never be avoidable as long as I am here.
I will stand.
It might seem absurd but even in my decay and pain, I refuse to quit.

Show me the frailty of my soul and the broken nature of my soul and I will smile.
The person who has lost everything is finally freed and capable of doing everything and anything.



I want to pretend I can be the apathetic bastard who shifts through life with no problem, using and discarding people left and right.

That isn't something I will choose.
The decay in my bones and taint in my blood will not make me betray that which I follow, the chivalry that demands I act.

Yes.
It's an inward struggle and battle.
But so is every important battle.


This heart is so weak, so small and dying.
But so capable of hope.

I will not quit.
But possibly I will fade.
Withdraw to heal.
Let the wounds be wrapped and soaked in hope.

So much time, all of it passing.
It will all be over soon.
Then I can go home.
No more pain, all the tears wiped away and love eternal.

Quote of the Day:

"Believe me, Doctor, the place is impregnable!"
" Never cared much for the word 'impregnable.' Sounds a bit too much like 'unsinkable.'"
"What's wrong with unsinkable?"
"'Nothing,' as the iceberg said to the Titanic!"
" What?"
"Glub glub glub...."
-Exchange between The Brigadier and The Doctor

I really need to read more.
Read the Bible and make notes.

I hate when I get out of that habit.
Psalms and Proverbs again...

Or.

Something...

Loser Penultimate Statement of my Life:

Sometimes I wish I could be The Doctor.
Just to be able to save the day.
And be her hero.