Can I blame others for their happiness?
No.

Can I blame them for their miseries?
No.

All I can do is look, see, touch and experience what little my filters will allow me.

Too much thought for too little sleep and too much demented.

Hours of reading, thinking, processing and just wishing things could be easier for others...and wishing I could send emails with regret or confusion.

I want to be understood but sometimes not at all.
Jesus is the only One who knows all of me.
And I suppose that is the best.
Trust is a fickle thing.
The jagged pain of sharing and being honest jut out.

If only it was as simple as playing pretend.

Contextualized Fallacy

I suppose in a way it does but does not matter.
Too much time for thoughts...
Kind of annoying how pain/illness does that.
Prevents sleep of a tired mind, adding to the irrationality of it all.

It's so painful to talk...
Open.
Close.
This heart is broken.

I cannot be sure the fight is worth it.
The sacrifice and pain will justify the end.
It's the means that bothers me.

Simple and broken.
Maybe one day the pain can end.
Healing can begin.

Wishful thinking.
Prayers lost and never found.
Hope.

But I have looked into the darkness.
Seen the terrors that live there.
I cannot boast for I saw only pale reflection,
the fate of one without love.

Hope remains.
The slow heartbeat of confusion.
Trying to force life where there is none.

Simply said, I do not belong.
This should never have been
and yet it was.
It is.
It shall be.

Some feelings...some thoughts...

Seem so futile, so pointless...

Are they?