Stars and Light

Oh

To see such a sea,

endless waves

an oceans of stars

burning so bright.

How i wish you could see

that we could join hands.

But alas,

some things

are not meant to be.

Time and Nights

Time keeps progressing so much faster.

Sands twirling and falling,

being stirred by the unseen winds.

A chill.

Dark is coming.

Silence falling so absolute.

Hope remains.

But how long shall this frail body?

I've seen enough to see the signs

and know the Reackoning 

is near

oh so very Near.

Goodnight.

Hope of Hope

One day there will be healing.

Blessed and beautiful days of grace.

As night rises,

so shall it fall

and hope shall burn.

I have naught but this need,

improbable and impossible hope

that there is more.

Night is empty

and so very cold.

But there is hope

of life and warmth.

You are my Nightmare

Time will persist,

moment agonizing moment

as each grain of sand

marks a passage.

Black burns 

fading into white

as every moment reminds.

Lilies and lilacs 

blossom

becoming such sweet lies,

hiding behind smiles

becoming 

your grotesque sins.

Smiles and stares

dripping sweet venom,

leaving never healing wounds.

Your smile is necrotic

burrowing into my soul

and I love you

for very wound

fueling my self hatred.

Blank pages

ink faded,

broken promises

written with our blood.

Promises and oaths 

barely coherent lies.

The broken shell of what was

and reminders of what could have been.

Solace in knowing

you aren't worth the effort

it takes to rhyme

and create cohesive structure.

Lost Moments in the Hereafter

Time and time again.
Circles turning,
clock churning
and ticking
moment by moment
fading.

Breath by breath
the second hand passes
and we wait.
Time by time
inching closer to death
we all wait
hoping for that which never changes.

Sensory Deprivation

Images floating by on your screen
inside
outside
images passing by in hazey dim.

It there anything to be understood
when the night passes
but time just skips the dawn
passes the day
and brings things around to evening?

A fall.
Silent screams.
The detachment required to function
is elusive
finding nothing in something
as we sit here watching.

Nothing simple.
Nothing clean.
Numbness.
Checking out,
it all becomes a blood soaked fight to the death.

All or nothing.
Enforced hope.
Head to the ground.
Wounded and cut to the quick of the soul.
Blood feeding the ground
as souls stand about in whisper,
just lost and forgotten

Extended Post Scripts

Sometimes it feels every step forward is several back.
Meeting someone I haven't seen in eight years was bizarre.
Just a happenstance meeting in the library.
Invitation to Church tomorrow.

What does it matter...if it matters...at mattering?

Like getting a key to the new store finally.
About a month after we open.
Maybe I can get some extra work in.
Maybe I will be crushed under the weight of my thesis.
Or my health finally gives out via heart failure, cancer or mental illness.

Maybe.
Something.
Everything.
Possibly.

It is so easy to live in hesitation.
That moment of not knowing.
Paralyzed for decades.

Wavering back and forth.
Misery to misery.
Ashes to the dust we become.

Even if you read this...very sentence,
would you know this was about you?
Or just think it was for someone else?

Somethings change.
Everything ends.

You made your decisions.
And so did I.
It seems that now,
we must understand why. 

Last One for the Night

Tired of being tired.
So tired.
Yet again.
Words.
Less words.
More words.
Here.
There.
Everywhere.

It's not what you are looking for
but maybe it will find you.

Wishes in Pale Sunrise

I wish I could cry.
Let go.
Feel again.
Let the pain rush pass
and slip through my lips.

I wish I could cry.
Feel more.
Pain again.

But it doesn't matter.
The ones who would listen are gone.
It's a blank wall.

Scribbles on a page.
Passing by.
Day again.
Day again.
Another second.
One more labored breath.

Such meanignless phrases.
Time.
Love.
Loss.
Hope.
Doesn't make any sense.

Goodbye.
Goodbye.

Jobs

Oh such a waste of breath.
Hate.
Anger.
Swear words.

My time is better spent sleeping
than planning nanny
to this host of fools.

Ridiculous Songs at Night

I feel the energy.
Hunger for hate.
Seething rage about to boil.
Kick the music into overdrive.
Sound waves starting to careen
create and crease as it starts to live.

Vibrations,
they make and create
blurred lines of emotions.
Screams and slamming
a beat
with tone
and reverberating.

Smash this,
break it in
and don't know
never know
what just to do.

Meek Whispers into the Night

Oh Soul,
are you lonesome tonight?
Are you lonely tonight?
Are you looking for love,
just for tonight?

Tired Soul,
broken nails,
dirty face
and tear stained clothing
are all hurting like Hell,
getting tired of grace.

Oh Soul,
won't you come out tonight?
Will you speak out tonight?
Be moved tonight?
The hour grows late
and soon the chime shall ring
striking chords of midnight
and what have we to show?

Made to be of a consistency
reflecting that of
Celluloid and Cellophane.
False lies
and plastic smiles.

I hope it does not repeat again tomorrow night. 

Migraine Rhythm Pulsing in My Skull

Several days.
Just this noise.
The blistering heat behind my eyes.
Stench of corpse
and rotting soul.

What am I getting myself into?
Every day
just seems passing
and blowing
in this wind
as I hold on.
Hoping the pain will end.

Yet here we are,
days
weeks
months
years
and forever
just passing by.

Maybe it is just a way of saying goodnight
but here I place my hope
rugged wood
stained with old blood
that digs into my skin
cutting deep.

And here I stay,
here I hope
and maybe
just one day
I can see Your smile.
Just once more.

Poetic Revelation

It's bizzare.
To be in a room full of people...and nothing.

Substance.
Aching.
Want.
Traversing.

Everything feels so fleeting.
Moving, colidiing
and crashing.

Everything leading to this climax
this unknown
and unexpected
which will thrice be revealed.

A Waltz of Joyful Pain

I don't understand.
But I will struggle to surrender this to You.
To not let this be my death bed,
or cry to cry in despair.
Nevermore.

The water washed my heart
and is pulling my spirit
and I just can't resist.

Words again,
fire to my soul.
Burning coal scorching my unclean lips.

This tattered robes stained in blood,
both Yours and mine.
Where do we go from here?
The words fall from my lips
as I try to run
and I just awake again.

This cycle of fighting
the shadows
the demons
the monsters
latching onto my soul
and trying to destroy me.

I need You.
More than Ever.
This broken mess.
Body decaying
and Spirit screaming.

Please do not delay Lover.
Do no tarry,
as the wind catches my hair
and stings my eyes.
I try not to doubt but love,
love until it bleeds and hurts.

I feel the vibrations on the air
the impossible fire
and burning hurricane of Love
that refuses to let me be.
To let me be in my self made prison,
chambers and cells of a Hell
only I could conceive of. 

Lover love me,
rescue me
once again.

Hold me tight
so I feel Your heartbeat.
Hand in hand
as we cross
the ebb and flow
of time and space.

Wandering Souls

So cold in here.
Loosing feeling
and loosing touch,
so cold.

I miss warmth.
Hugs.
Feeling sure.
The capacity of assurance.

Days have gone by,
sun setting on the day
and I have to wonder.

What will come at night?
Will the shadows darken?
What will come out at night?
Will the demons show?

There is the wonde
as the soul wanders,
never finding contentment
but acting as a leech,
always wanting.

Something new,
something bigger
and something greater.

But I have not the capacity for such foolishness,
the night approaches
and my road hasn't grown shorter.
I still have to walk.
Even when there is no light to see by.
Step by step,
pace by pace
Hope I don't fall in the dark
and break my freaking neck.

At least
I have the hope
that the one who wanders
is not lost.
And maybe one day
there can be warmth
and hugs.

It's always nice to have creativity well received. ^_^
Yay poetry.

Muse oh Muse, how I miss thee.
Emails, calls and texts go unreturned.
How can I write without thee?
Give a message.
A cry.
A shout.
Let me know hope still flies
and that your beauty is still alive.

"As the Ruins Fall" - C,S, Lewis

For several years now, I have read this poem on my birthday. Growing older has helped me realize the interconnectedness, our need for one another and ultimately our need for a God bigger than we could imagine.

Thank you all for joining me on this merry adventure, I look to many more years with you all.

-Matt

** ** ** ** **

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love --a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.

"Shot of Love" - Bob Dylan

"I need a shot of love, I need a shot of love.

Don't need a shot of parish to kill my disease
Don't need a shot of turpentine, only bring me to my knees
Don't need a shot of codeine to help me to repent
Don't need a shot of whiskey, help me be president.

I need a shot of love, I need a shot of love.

Doctor, can you hear me ? I need some Medicaid
I seen the kingdoms of the world and it's making me feel afraid
What I got ain't painful, it's just bound to kill me dead
Like the men that followed Jesus when they put a price upon his head.

I need a shot of love, I need a shot of love.

I don't need no alibi when I'm spending time with you
I've heard all of them rumors you have heard them too
Don't show me no picture show or give me no book to read
It don't satisfy the hurt inside nor the habit that it feeds.

I need a shot of love, I need a shot of love."