So much has imploded over the last few months.

 In a twist of irony, I have peace because so much of it has been caused by me being a fool and deserving of stuff blowing up.

I have more peace now than I did months or even years ago.

So much is in chaos and there is so much more bad I deserve... yet it seems things may improve.

May, being the operative word.

However, if things get worse,  I am at peace because I deserve the worst and am grateful for any good.