Even after being told I am forgiven and loved... how do I move forward?
I want to beat myself senseless, do something to cause harm, do something that would damage... but that wouldn't make her better...
Maturity is accepting the things we can change and the things we cannot change. I cannot change the past, I can take back actions that have caused pain and destruction. What I can change is how I move forward, to show respect, to stop running from reality, and to grow up.
"Reality is harsh to the feet of shadows"
-C.S. Lewis, "The Great Divorce"
Moving forward means stepping into the pain of Reality. A Reality that I am still unsure of but is more real than the lies I told myself and told the world.
Each step is painful and I do deserve pain... but it's not pain of berating myself up but the pain of moving from shadow to reality.
