"Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus?
I did.
Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got
We're one but we're not the same
Well, we hurt each other, then we do it again"
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Psalm 103:6-18
The LORD performs righteous deeds
And judgments for all who are oppressed.
He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the sons of Israel.
The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.
For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust.
As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
When the wind has passed over it, it is no more,
And its place acknowledges it no longer.
But the lovingkindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children's children,
to those who keep His covenant
And remember His precepts to do them.
And judgments for all who are oppressed.
He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the sons of Israel.
The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.
For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust.
As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
When the wind has passed over it, it is no more,
And its place acknowledges it no longer.
But the lovingkindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children's children,
to those who keep His covenant
And remember His precepts to do them.
"Consume Me" - dc Talk
"You consume me, You consume me
Like a burning flame running through my veins
You consume me moving through me
Anytime, anyplace You invade my space
You consume me, You consume me"
Lyric Question
Does anyone know what song the line "I used to hold you in a photograph" is used in?
Email me if you know...
Took me two and a half hours but the crisis is adverted...turns out it's in the song "Do You Believe in Love" by Huey Lewis and the News.
The actual music video from the 80's has eye blistering pastels...view at your own discretion.
Email me if you know...
Took me two and a half hours but the crisis is adverted...turns out it's in the song "Do You Believe in Love" by Huey Lewis and the News.
The actual music video from the 80's has eye blistering pastels...view at your own discretion.
Ramblings: Jesus, Love and Such
I'm not sure right now.
Are you?
I want to feel the cool breeze on my face again as I look to the future and walk forward.
But...to do so would loose track of the present...I have to make preparations but it's so hard to do anything when it feels like moving at all will cause me to explode in pain and sickness.
Plan of action...I started working on that...I guess I'm afraid of being trapped here for long. I don't feel free...I feel like I'm tied down to my illness which is preventing me from attempting to go where I'm being called.
But...getting ahead of myself will not help at all.
Just trying not to throw up is enough right now...listening to ELO and smiling is a titanic effort. But it's not as hard as it could be.
I feel loved, I know I'm loved.
Just seeing friends and...even family...well technically my friends are family (at least by how I judge those standards) and even though we all have our problems...we have a Father in common that loves us...and it helps so very much.
It's sort of like how the old hymn says "Because He lives I can face tomorrow."
I'm having a lot more thoughts about love...and what it means to be loved by the Father these days...just what it means for grace to change and for the love of God...
I think it's safe to assume we're all made for a purpose...not necessarily to do just one thing but we have certain things we are more apt than others...it seems funny to think of ministry in this capacity. It's not like I ever just sat down and thought 'Hey I want to do ministry, know a lot about the Bible or to care so much it hurts.' it was just a part of who I am...what I was drawn to and part of who I am.
I mean, I do make conscious decisions about praying, studying the Bible and trying to be open and sharing with people...but at the same time this isn't something I have to try all that hard to do...what people believe and think is something I naturally care a lot about...and I hate seeing pain and why Jesus came.
To help the sick and broken, to not just fix the physical pain but the mental and spiritual anguish of us being divorced from God by the schism of our betrayals.
We're so all so helplessly involved in this idea of love and the need for attention because of the deeper longings in our heart...well to quote my ever over quoted philosophical and theological guru C.S. Lewis:
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."
You know...I'm reminded of where Jesus was asked about marriage in Matthew. The religious leaders came up with this hypothetical conundrum they thought would catch Jesus in a bad place theological speaking so they could go "Ah! Aha!" and instead Jesus proceeded to liquefy their minds:
"Jesus answered, "You're off base on two counts: You don't know your Bibles, and you don't know how God works. At the resurrection we're beyond marriage. As with the angels, all our ecstasies and intimacies then will be with God. And regarding your speculation on whether the dead are raised or not, don't you read your Bibles? The grammar is clear: God says, 'I am—not was—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob.' The living God defines himself not as the God of dead men, but of the living." Hearing this exchange the crowd was much impressed."
-Matthew
Okay.
The idea of marriage is a union, a joining together of two as one. You have two beings become one in mind, spirit, body and all of that. Often times the Bible uses marriage language to describe the relationship between God and His people...both the Jews in the Old Testament and Christians in the New Testament.
In fact, Testament is another word for covenant which in turn is often time was used in the context of 'marriage covenant' in the Bible. Becoming a Christian, a follower of God is like becoming married...you enter a partnership, this idea of the Holy Spirit indwelling in you and you becoming more like God...changing because of love changing you.
Some great reading on this idea is the minor prophet of Hosea in the Old Testament (the book of Hosea) and in the New Testament in Revelation 21 (where the church is referred to being the 'bride' of the Lamb (Jesus)).
Something that dawned on me though...this whole idea of human love will pass away. The concepts we hold...the connections we build are imperfect and just are reflections of the divine. Sort of how Rob Bell talks about how a marriage can either be a reflection of Hell or Heaven...because we're created in the image of God and how we interact can bring pieces of Heaven of Hell to a person.
The passage of 1 Corinthians 13 is sometimes referred to as being the 'love chapter' because it goes on about love and the majority of its modern use is found in marriage ceremonies...and yeah that is nice and all but I think it does more than just talk about how people should treat each other.
"Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.
When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known."
-1 Corinthians 13: 8-12
I think the two most important parts are "For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away." and "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known."
Human love is inherently imperfect because we cannot love fully or unconditionally, or capacity for love comes only because of us being made in the image of God and despite our fallen natures that goodness burns bright and can shine through. One might find a metaphor of how the human love we experience is a bit like trying to stumble around in a dark room trying to find a light switch...we can feel things, get an idea about what is going on by the sharp pain in our shins...but it's not until the darkness is peeled away totally are we allowed to see the truth beyond truth.
The world is spiraling out of control...I don't mean stupid short term political thins like Democrats against the Republicans...but I mean, and to quote Roland here, people forgetting the face of their Father, their Father that spoke them into being.
I have never felt it was my job to point the finger, to judge or to declare how unholy people were...because the only reason I'm different is because of Jesus
loving idiots. It's almost like a backhanded compliment...Jesus loves you but you are so filthy and dirty that it takes God Himself to start cleaning you up...but my God! When you are clean you are clean, forgiven, washed cleaned and made a new person.
This all feels melodramatic...and to those on the outside looking in it might be...but then again love oftentimes seems foolish to those that are not a part of that relationship.
"I’m not one who always trusts their feelings
I don’t believe in what you’d call blind faith
But faith that you can do all that you promised
And you said it all works for good
It’s safe to say I don’t see the big picture
I can’t see the forest for the trees
And if five hundred lives
Were mine to get to know
You all could be spent on just this
God do you really understand what it’s like to be a man
Have You ever felt the weight of loving all the things you Hate
Have You struggled have you worried
How can You sympathize
I have spoken too soon put my hand over my mouth
I can’t contend with You
Your ways are so much higher
And we pass through the fire that Christ endured before us
When You were in the wilderness"
- The OC Supertones, "Wilderness"
Are you?
I want to feel the cool breeze on my face again as I look to the future and walk forward.
But...to do so would loose track of the present...I have to make preparations but it's so hard to do anything when it feels like moving at all will cause me to explode in pain and sickness.
Plan of action...I started working on that...I guess I'm afraid of being trapped here for long. I don't feel free...I feel like I'm tied down to my illness which is preventing me from attempting to go where I'm being called.
But...getting ahead of myself will not help at all.
Just trying not to throw up is enough right now...listening to ELO and smiling is a titanic effort. But it's not as hard as it could be.
I feel loved, I know I'm loved.
Just seeing friends and...even family...well technically my friends are family (at least by how I judge those standards) and even though we all have our problems...we have a Father in common that loves us...and it helps so very much.
It's sort of like how the old hymn says "Because He lives I can face tomorrow."
I'm having a lot more thoughts about love...and what it means to be loved by the Father these days...just what it means for grace to change and for the love of God...
I think it's safe to assume we're all made for a purpose...not necessarily to do just one thing but we have certain things we are more apt than others...it seems funny to think of ministry in this capacity. It's not like I ever just sat down and thought 'Hey I want to do ministry, know a lot about the Bible or to care so much it hurts.' it was just a part of who I am...what I was drawn to and part of who I am.
I mean, I do make conscious decisions about praying, studying the Bible and trying to be open and sharing with people...but at the same time this isn't something I have to try all that hard to do...what people believe and think is something I naturally care a lot about...and I hate seeing pain and why Jesus came.
To help the sick and broken, to not just fix the physical pain but the mental and spiritual anguish of us being divorced from God by the schism of our betrayals.
We're so all so helplessly involved in this idea of love and the need for attention because of the deeper longings in our heart...well to quote my ever over quoted philosophical and theological guru C.S. Lewis:
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."
You know...I'm reminded of where Jesus was asked about marriage in Matthew. The religious leaders came up with this hypothetical conundrum they thought would catch Jesus in a bad place theological speaking so they could go "Ah! Aha!" and instead Jesus proceeded to liquefy their minds:
"Jesus answered, "You're off base on two counts: You don't know your Bibles, and you don't know how God works. At the resurrection we're beyond marriage. As with the angels, all our ecstasies and intimacies then will be with God. And regarding your speculation on whether the dead are raised or not, don't you read your Bibles? The grammar is clear: God says, 'I am—not was—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob.' The living God defines himself not as the God of dead men, but of the living." Hearing this exchange the crowd was much impressed."
-Matthew
Okay.
The idea of marriage is a union, a joining together of two as one. You have two beings become one in mind, spirit, body and all of that. Often times the Bible uses marriage language to describe the relationship between God and His people...both the Jews in the Old Testament and Christians in the New Testament.
In fact, Testament is another word for covenant which in turn is often time was used in the context of 'marriage covenant' in the Bible. Becoming a Christian, a follower of God is like becoming married...you enter a partnership, this idea of the Holy Spirit indwelling in you and you becoming more like God...changing because of love changing you.
Some great reading on this idea is the minor prophet of Hosea in the Old Testament (the book of Hosea) and in the New Testament in Revelation 21 (where the church is referred to being the 'bride' of the Lamb (Jesus)).
Something that dawned on me though...this whole idea of human love will pass away. The concepts we hold...the connections we build are imperfect and just are reflections of the divine. Sort of how Rob Bell talks about how a marriage can either be a reflection of Hell or Heaven...because we're created in the image of God and how we interact can bring pieces of Heaven of Hell to a person.
The passage of 1 Corinthians 13 is sometimes referred to as being the 'love chapter' because it goes on about love and the majority of its modern use is found in marriage ceremonies...and yeah that is nice and all but I think it does more than just talk about how people should treat each other.
"Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.
When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known."
-1 Corinthians 13: 8-12
I think the two most important parts are "For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away." and "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known."
Human love is inherently imperfect because we cannot love fully or unconditionally, or capacity for love comes only because of us being made in the image of God and despite our fallen natures that goodness burns bright and can shine through. One might find a metaphor of how the human love we experience is a bit like trying to stumble around in a dark room trying to find a light switch...we can feel things, get an idea about what is going on by the sharp pain in our shins...but it's not until the darkness is peeled away totally are we allowed to see the truth beyond truth.
The world is spiraling out of control...I don't mean stupid short term political thins like Democrats against the Republicans...but I mean, and to quote Roland here, people forgetting the face of their Father, their Father that spoke them into being.
I have never felt it was my job to point the finger, to judge or to declare how unholy people were...because the only reason I'm different is because of Jesus
loving idiots. It's almost like a backhanded compliment...Jesus loves you but you are so filthy and dirty that it takes God Himself to start cleaning you up...but my God! When you are clean you are clean, forgiven, washed cleaned and made a new person.
This all feels melodramatic...and to those on the outside looking in it might be...but then again love oftentimes seems foolish to those that are not a part of that relationship.
"I’m not one who always trusts their feelings
I don’t believe in what you’d call blind faith
But faith that you can do all that you promised
And you said it all works for good
It’s safe to say I don’t see the big picture
I can’t see the forest for the trees
And if five hundred lives
Were mine to get to know
You all could be spent on just this
God do you really understand what it’s like to be a man
Have You ever felt the weight of loving all the things you Hate
Have You struggled have you worried
How can You sympathize
I have spoken too soon put my hand over my mouth
I can’t contend with You
Your ways are so much higher
And we pass through the fire that Christ endured before us
When You were in the wilderness"
- The OC Supertones, "Wilderness"
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
I wonder if I'm on to strong of a medication...I was feeling better over the weekend and then this week I started up on the higher dosages of Cymbalta...and I've been having odd side effects...abnormal heat, dizziness, a constant headache, additional nausea, extra insomnia and...having a weird metallic taste in my mouth.
I want to sleep...but I'm driven by...more then just me.
I sometimes wonder how many circles I'm running and why I am running them...that if those watching are entertained or if there is some sort of deeper meaning.
Far too often I invest over thinking thoughts into insignificant things anyway.
I don't even know right now what I was meaning to write about...everything is flooding as fast as it comes...I suppose that is nice for once.
Hi.
Hello.
Hope it is well.
Oh no, help all is well.
Good night and such.
But sleep well.
Goodbye.
Bye.
I want to sleep...but I'm driven by...more then just me.
I sometimes wonder how many circles I'm running and why I am running them...that if those watching are entertained or if there is some sort of deeper meaning.
Far too often I invest over thinking thoughts into insignificant things anyway.
I don't even know right now what I was meaning to write about...everything is flooding as fast as it comes...I suppose that is nice for once.
Hi.
Hello.
Hope it is well.
Oh no, help all is well.
Good night and such.
But sleep well.
Goodbye.
Bye.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Grace Amongst Religious Infidelity
I'm afraid that with my rant about the polygamy in the Old Testament I came off as sounding like a jerk...the beauty of Christianity isn't in a legalistic set of rules regarding sexuality...but that despite people making horrible and uncaring mistakes there is a God whose love goes beyond our ability to be good.
The idea behind grace, behind the ministry of Jesus, the reason why God came in human form and lived among us, he lived, died and rose again was because we are unable to save ourselves. From the beginning in Genesis to the prophecies concerning the end times God has been adamant that 'the wages of sin is death' but that ultimately 'the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.' (Romans 6:23)
I mean...in my understanding life is more than a black and white dichotomy. The whole idea of Heaven and Hell is not this work based...good vs. evil scale in your life...the idea is that no human is 'good' that we're all broken and hurt each other and deserve what we get.
But the mind blowing aspect of it is that God doesn't just ditch His creation that chose to rebel, instead He pursues us with a fervent love. The idea isn't that we do a lot of good so we get super shiny metaphorical mansions in the clouds but that we have an actual personal relationship with God.
That personal aspect seems lost amongst the rush for programs and rules...that is what drew me in when I was nine, made me feel compelled to ministry at fourteen and what has pulled me back and made me feel love after all these years of brokenness and confusion. It's love being a guide...being a comfort, pulling me, holding me and guiding me...words cannot give justice to love and that's what I feel...this burning, passion filled desire to know and be known.
And to me that's the love that Jesus has for everyone...and the fact He used such an incredibly dysfunctional family to be the basis for his chosen nation Israel...that would eventually give birth to the Messiah.
God loves and attracts and is attracted to the broken...those with no hope and realize they need help.
(And...House is about to come on so I will finish this later...)
The idea behind grace, behind the ministry of Jesus, the reason why God came in human form and lived among us, he lived, died and rose again was because we are unable to save ourselves. From the beginning in Genesis to the prophecies concerning the end times God has been adamant that 'the wages of sin is death' but that ultimately 'the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.' (Romans 6:23)
I mean...in my understanding life is more than a black and white dichotomy. The whole idea of Heaven and Hell is not this work based...good vs. evil scale in your life...the idea is that no human is 'good' that we're all broken and hurt each other and deserve what we get.
But the mind blowing aspect of it is that God doesn't just ditch His creation that chose to rebel, instead He pursues us with a fervent love. The idea isn't that we do a lot of good so we get super shiny metaphorical mansions in the clouds but that we have an actual personal relationship with God.
That personal aspect seems lost amongst the rush for programs and rules...that is what drew me in when I was nine, made me feel compelled to ministry at fourteen and what has pulled me back and made me feel love after all these years of brokenness and confusion. It's love being a guide...being a comfort, pulling me, holding me and guiding me...words cannot give justice to love and that's what I feel...this burning, passion filled desire to know and be known.
And to me that's the love that Jesus has for everyone...and the fact He used such an incredibly dysfunctional family to be the basis for his chosen nation Israel...that would eventually give birth to the Messiah.
God loves and attracts and is attracted to the broken...those with no hope and realize they need help.
(And...House is about to come on so I will finish this later...)
Speaking of Kanye West...
This shouldn't be half as funny as it is but the problem of being an idiot in the internet age is that there are tens of thousands of people ready to make fun of you via Photoshop at a moment's notice...
http://kanyegate.tumblr.com/
http://kanyegate.tumblr.com/
Biblical Relationship Games
So I am reading Genesis currently...I forgot how much annoying polygamy based marriage drama there is. Anytime I hear about some crazy sect spouting off about how the Bible supports polygamy...I have to wonder if they have actually read the Bible or do they just drink large amounts of mercury and randomly stab at pieces of scripture?
The examples are numerous and all equally aneurysm inducing.
Abraham, Sarah and Hagar (Sarah's handmaid)
Jacob was sane and took only one wife (Rebeeca) but his sons:
-Esau took two Hittite wives that caused endless grief to the family because of their idol worship
-Jacob married two sisters Rachel and Leah. There was drama from the beginning because he only intended to marry Rachel but was dupped into marrying Leah and so begrudgingly he accepted Leah and ignored her. Interestingly enough Leah gave him a series of sons rather quickly and Rachel had none...so she took a page from her grandmother's book and told Jacob to marry and sleep with her handmaid Bilhah so she could have sons that way. And THEN Leah tried to one up her younger sister by getting Jacob to marry HER handmaid Zilpah.
I would need a graph to even attempt to comprehend who bore what son but before all was said and done you had twelve sons who were to eventually be the twelve tribes of Jacob...or better known as Israel (which was what he was renamed when he wrestled the angel and blah, blah, blah).
Flash forward about five hunderedish years give or take and you have King David and his son King Solomon.
David had a few wives and then you had Solomon who had the absurd amount of seven hundered wives and three hundered concubines.
I have trouble fathoming a single marriage...much less all of these connections...well disconnections rather. What does it say about a person that they are so insecure that they must have so many people to give them affection and be an outlet for their sexuality?
Does it say something about our sexuality when people live like that in porn? I don't know how many relationships I've heard about where one or the other is obsessed with pornography and won't even look at, much less touch, their spouse other...and why?
Is it fear of actual love?
Rampant insecurities that demand an insatiable appetite?
I mean...I'm sure sex is great and everything...but the thought of all of those mindless connections...just thinking about it makes me feel so empty and depressed. What is this human condition where we can't even attempt monogamy? Much less for people to not desire it at all?
I don't understand my guy friends who are so obsessed with sex and talk about women as though they were just this flesh playthings that exist for the sole purpose of THEIR physical and sexual gratification.
I don't know...this stuff confuses me and makes me want to throw up.
I have my own desires and sexual impulses...but God, seriously, what is the point of being human, much less a Christian if you can't bite your tongue and at least make an effort of being something better than a dog trying to copulate with anything that moves?
It's not my place to judge and I feel like a jerk for even writing these things...but reading the Bible always throws my mind into overdrive and just...so much of the Bible is confusing...well let me rephrase, so much of people's preconceived notion of the Bible is confusing.
People must not realize how much of this stupid relationship drama is in the Bible because they (read that as ME) acts surprise to see humans do incredibly stupid things.
But...this isn't about my rants or whatever.
I just wish I could see grace in my life in a much more vivid way...not anger, a judgmental attitude or this self righteous crap that only cares about myself. But it is so hard to want to show love when I can point the finger and act as though I have my crap together.
Yes...if I even want that connection...I only want one...but I'm so disorganized, so broken, so needy that even if it fell from Heaven and I knew without a doubt to do...I don't know if I could even act if I could know what to do for sure.
Peace...hope...love.
And a crazy orange cat named Yoda that listens to me rant about this stuff twenty hours a day.
At least he doesn't think I'm too crazy.
Hopefully.
The examples are numerous and all equally aneurysm inducing.
Abraham, Sarah and Hagar (Sarah's handmaid)
Jacob was sane and took only one wife (Rebeeca) but his sons:
-Esau took two Hittite wives that caused endless grief to the family because of their idol worship
-Jacob married two sisters Rachel and Leah. There was drama from the beginning because he only intended to marry Rachel but was dupped into marrying Leah and so begrudgingly he accepted Leah and ignored her. Interestingly enough Leah gave him a series of sons rather quickly and Rachel had none...so she took a page from her grandmother's book and told Jacob to marry and sleep with her handmaid Bilhah so she could have sons that way. And THEN Leah tried to one up her younger sister by getting Jacob to marry HER handmaid Zilpah.
I would need a graph to even attempt to comprehend who bore what son but before all was said and done you had twelve sons who were to eventually be the twelve tribes of Jacob...or better known as Israel (which was what he was renamed when he wrestled the angel and blah, blah, blah).
Flash forward about five hunderedish years give or take and you have King David and his son King Solomon.
David had a few wives and then you had Solomon who had the absurd amount of seven hundered wives and three hundered concubines.
I have trouble fathoming a single marriage...much less all of these connections...well disconnections rather. What does it say about a person that they are so insecure that they must have so many people to give them affection and be an outlet for their sexuality?
Does it say something about our sexuality when people live like that in porn? I don't know how many relationships I've heard about where one or the other is obsessed with pornography and won't even look at, much less touch, their spouse other...and why?
Is it fear of actual love?
Rampant insecurities that demand an insatiable appetite?
I mean...I'm sure sex is great and everything...but the thought of all of those mindless connections...just thinking about it makes me feel so empty and depressed. What is this human condition where we can't even attempt monogamy? Much less for people to not desire it at all?
I don't understand my guy friends who are so obsessed with sex and talk about women as though they were just this flesh playthings that exist for the sole purpose of THEIR physical and sexual gratification.
I don't know...this stuff confuses me and makes me want to throw up.
I have my own desires and sexual impulses...but God, seriously, what is the point of being human, much less a Christian if you can't bite your tongue and at least make an effort of being something better than a dog trying to copulate with anything that moves?
It's not my place to judge and I feel like a jerk for even writing these things...but reading the Bible always throws my mind into overdrive and just...so much of the Bible is confusing...well let me rephrase, so much of people's preconceived notion of the Bible is confusing.
People must not realize how much of this stupid relationship drama is in the Bible because they (read that as ME) acts surprise to see humans do incredibly stupid things.
But...this isn't about my rants or whatever.
I just wish I could see grace in my life in a much more vivid way...not anger, a judgmental attitude or this self righteous crap that only cares about myself. But it is so hard to want to show love when I can point the finger and act as though I have my crap together.
Yes...if I even want that connection...I only want one...but I'm so disorganized, so broken, so needy that even if it fell from Heaven and I knew without a doubt to do...I don't know if I could even act if I could know what to do for sure.
Peace...hope...love.
And a crazy orange cat named Yoda that listens to me rant about this stuff twenty hours a day.
At least he doesn't think I'm too crazy.
Hopefully.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
