Ramblings: Jesus, Love and Such

I'm not sure right now.

Are you?

I want to feel the cool breeze on my face again as I look to the future and walk forward.

But...to do so would loose track of the present...I have to make preparations but it's so hard to do anything when it feels like moving at all will cause me to explode in pain and sickness.

Plan of action...I started working on that...I guess I'm afraid of being trapped here for long. I don't feel free...I feel like I'm tied down to my illness which is preventing me from attempting to go where I'm being called.

But...getting ahead of myself will not help at all.

Just trying not to throw up is enough right now...listening to ELO and smiling is a titanic effort. But it's not as hard as it could be.

I feel loved, I know I'm loved.

Just seeing friends and...even family...well technically my friends are family (at least by how I judge those standards) and even though we all have our problems...we have a Father in common that loves us...and it helps so very much.

It's sort of like how the old hymn says "Because He lives I can face tomorrow."

I'm having a lot more thoughts about love...and what it means to be loved by the Father these days...just what it means for grace to change and for the love of God...

I think it's safe to assume we're all made for a purpose...not necessarily to do just one thing but we have certain things we are more apt than others...it seems funny to think of ministry in this capacity. It's not like I ever just sat down and thought 'Hey I want to do ministry, know a lot about the Bible or to care so much it hurts.' it was just a part of who I am...what I was drawn to and part of who I am.

I mean, I do make conscious decisions about praying, studying the Bible and trying to be open and sharing with people...but at the same time this isn't something I have to try all that hard to do...what people believe and think is something I naturally care a lot about...and I hate seeing pain and why Jesus came.

To help the sick and broken, to not just fix the physical pain but the mental and spiritual anguish of us being divorced from God by the schism of our betrayals.


We're so all so helplessly involved in this idea of love and the need for attention because of the deeper longings in our heart...well to quote my ever over quoted philosophical and theological guru C.S. Lewis:

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

You know...I'm reminded of where Jesus was asked about marriage in Matthew. The religious leaders came up with this hypothetical conundrum they thought would catch Jesus in a bad place theological speaking so they could go "Ah! Aha!" and instead Jesus proceeded to liquefy their minds:


"Jesus answered, "You're off base on two counts: You don't know your Bibles, and you don't know how God works. At the resurrection we're beyond marriage. As with the angels, all our ecstasies and intimacies then will be with God. And regarding your speculation on whether the dead are raised or not, don't you read your Bibles? The grammar is clear: God says, 'I am—not was—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob.' The living God defines himself not as the God of dead men, but of the living." Hearing this exchange the crowd was much impressed."
-Matthew

Okay.
The idea of marriage is a union, a joining together of two as one. You have two beings become one in mind, spirit, body and all of that. Often times the Bible uses marriage language to describe the relationship between God and His people...both the Jews in the Old Testament and Christians in the New Testament.

In fact, Testament is another word for covenant which in turn is often time was used in the context of 'marriage covenant' in the Bible. Becoming a Christian, a follower of God is like becoming married...you enter a partnership, this idea of the Holy Spirit indwelling in you and you becoming more like God...changing because of love changing you.

Some great reading on this idea is the minor prophet of Hosea in the Old Testament (the book of Hosea) and in the New Testament in Revelation 21 (where the church is referred to being the 'bride' of the Lamb (Jesus)).

Something that dawned on me though...this whole idea of human love will pass away. The concepts we hold...the connections we build are imperfect and just are reflections of the divine. Sort of how Rob Bell talks about how a marriage can either be a reflection of Hell or Heaven...because we're created in the image of God and how we interact can bring pieces of Heaven of Hell to a person.

The passage of 1 Corinthians 13 is sometimes referred to as being the 'love chapter' because it goes on about love and the majority of its modern use is found in marriage ceremonies...and yeah that is nice and all but I think it does more than just talk about how people should treat each other.

"Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.

When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known."
-1 Corinthians 13: 8-12

I think the two most important parts are "For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away." and "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known."

Human love is inherently imperfect because we cannot love fully or unconditionally, or capacity for love comes only because of us being made in the image of God and despite our fallen natures that goodness burns bright and can shine through. One might find a metaphor of how the human love we experience is a bit like trying to stumble around in a dark room trying to find a light switch...we can feel things, get an idea about what is going on by the sharp pain in our shins...but it's not until the darkness is peeled away totally are we allowed to see the truth beyond truth.

The world is spiraling out of control...I don't mean stupid short term political thins like Democrats against the Republicans...but I mean, and to quote Roland here, people forgetting the face of their Father, their Father that spoke them into being.

I have never felt it was my job to point the finger, to judge or to declare how unholy people were...because the only reason I'm different is because of Jesus
loving idiots. It's almost like a backhanded compliment...Jesus loves you but you are so filthy and dirty that it takes God Himself to start cleaning you up...but my God! When you are clean you are clean, forgiven, washed cleaned and made a new person.

This all feels melodramatic...and to those on the outside looking in it might be...but then again love oftentimes seems foolish to those that are not a part of that relationship.



"I’m not one who always trusts their feelings
I don’t believe in what you’d call blind faith
But faith that you can do all that you promised
And you said it all works for good
It’s safe to say I don’t see the big picture
I can’t see the forest for the trees
And if five hundred lives
Were mine to get to know
You all could be spent on just this

God do you really understand what it’s like to be a man
Have You ever felt the weight of loving all the things you Hate
Have You struggled have you worried
How can You sympathize

I have spoken too soon put my hand over my mouth
I can’t contend with You
Your ways are so much higher
And we pass through the fire that Christ endured before us
When You were in the wilderness"
- The OC Supertones, "Wilderness"