Biblical Relationship Games

So I am reading Genesis currently...I forgot how much annoying polygamy based marriage drama there is. Anytime I hear about some crazy sect spouting off about how the Bible supports polygamy...I have to wonder if they have actually read the Bible or do they just drink large amounts of mercury and randomly stab at pieces of scripture?

The examples are numerous and all equally aneurysm inducing.

Abraham, Sarah and Hagar (Sarah's handmaid)
Jacob was sane and took only one wife (Rebeeca) but his sons:
-Esau took two Hittite wives that caused endless grief to the family because of their idol worship
-Jacob married two sisters Rachel and Leah. There was drama from the beginning because he only intended to marry Rachel but was dupped into marrying Leah and so begrudgingly he accepted Leah and ignored her. Interestingly enough Leah gave him a series of sons rather quickly and Rachel had none...so she took a page from her grandmother's book and told Jacob to marry and sleep with her handmaid Bilhah so she could have sons that way. And THEN Leah tried to one up her younger sister by getting Jacob to marry HER handmaid Zilpah.

I would need a graph to even attempt to comprehend who bore what son but before all was said and done you had twelve sons who were to eventually be the twelve tribes of Jacob...or better known as Israel (which was what he was renamed when he wrestled the angel and blah, blah, blah).

Flash forward about five hunderedish years give or take and you have King David and his son King Solomon.

David had a few wives and then you had Solomon who had the absurd amount of seven hundered wives and three hundered concubines.

I have trouble fathoming a single marriage...much less all of these connections...well disconnections rather. What does it say about a person that they are so insecure that they must have so many people to give them affection and be an outlet for their sexuality?

Does it say something about our sexuality when people live like that in porn? I don't know how many relationships I've heard about where one or the other is obsessed with pornography and won't even look at, much less touch, their spouse other...and why?

Is it fear of actual love?
Rampant insecurities that demand an insatiable appetite?

I mean...I'm sure sex is great and everything...but the thought of all of those mindless connections...just thinking about it makes me feel so empty and depressed. What is this human condition where we can't even attempt monogamy? Much less for people to not desire it at all?

I don't understand my guy friends who are so obsessed with sex and talk about women as though they were just this flesh playthings that exist for the sole purpose of THEIR physical and sexual gratification.

I don't know...this stuff confuses me and makes me want to throw up.

I have my own desires and sexual impulses...but God, seriously, what is the point of being human, much less a Christian if you can't bite your tongue and at least make an effort of being something better than a dog trying to copulate with anything that moves?

It's not my place to judge and I feel like a jerk for even writing these things...but reading the Bible always throws my mind into overdrive and just...so much of the Bible is confusing...well let me rephrase, so much of people's preconceived notion of the Bible is confusing.

People must not realize how much of this stupid relationship drama is in the Bible because they (read that as ME) acts surprise to see humans do incredibly stupid things.


But...this isn't about my rants or whatever.
I just wish I could see grace in my life in a much more vivid way...not anger, a judgmental attitude or this self righteous crap that only cares about myself. But it is so hard to want to show love when I can point the finger and act as though I have my crap together.

Yes...if I even want that connection...I only want one...but I'm so disorganized, so broken, so needy that even if it fell from Heaven and I knew without a doubt to do...I don't know if I could even act if I could know what to do for sure.

Peace...hope...love.

And a crazy orange cat named Yoda that listens to me rant about this stuff twenty hours a day.

At least he doesn't think I'm too crazy.

Hopefully.