Oie.
Why?
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Story...
I feel so drained...anytime I finish any sort of book series...there is just this exaustive drain on me. The longer I've lived with the series the bigger the drain. This one was only about four years so it wasn't so bad...the Harry Potter series was the worse...close to a decade worth of memories and imagination.
But it's a good tired.
It reminds me why I love story and how some days it feels that the imagination is more real than real is...if that makes sense. The Matrix Online was good for that...World of Warcraft is a pale imitation of what that could be...sort of like comparing Harry Potter to Twilight...it's not fair for either party but still the superior brand is clear for those who are looking and know what they are trying to see.
I'm quite excited about Donald Miller's new book coming out this month "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years"...it's about the importance of story to our lives...how the ideas of plot, character, conflict and resolution are a part of that makes life life...life and art being one and being what drives us.
Ever since I first encountered Story when I was a child...I've been obsessed with it...the desire to explain what I've seen in story, in metaphor, in the idea of experince points and epic battles to right the eternal wrongs. I was told young to dream big but that my dreams were stupid, it's amazing what memories jut out at you and this memory has always cut me when it poked out. I feel like I'm trying to run from myself so often that I never see what it is I'm doing...I'm so full of medication that I forget to breath, forget that I exist for a reason and that everyone around me has meaning.
That is the chief lesson I think there is in Roland's quest for the Dark Tower.
Is the end the chief reason for being?
Do we exist for the sole purpose of reaching an end?
Is food an end?
Is sex an end?
Is marriage an end?
Are children an end?
Is a quest to reach the end of the world, to stop creation from unwinding the sole reason for a hero go journey?
No.
It is the daily progress, the dull words of conversation, the ache of muscles too weary to walk another step, the bitter taste of loosing love ones, the sting of realizing time and people are moving on without you, that eternal is only eternal indeed...it is all these things in the progress of the journey that makes life truly life.
Part of my disappointment is expecting to find this sacred reason beyond living as a reason to live...what was the quote Donald Miller mentioned in 'Searching for God Knows What'? Something like "Real life is like fine wine, something children cannot appreciate."
I can't help but still feel like a stupid little kid; sick, tired, confused and hurting deep in my soul and still, here I am.
I haven't given up yet and will not.
I don't need to know that life, fate, ka or whatever is a wheel...things will continue to rotate but none of us are fortuned with a second change to learn from the heartless mistakes we make as we plow through people like they were nothing more than paper dolls.
Maybe that is one of our greatest sins...not realizing people are just as, if not more so, important than ourselves.
If we aren't willing to put ourselves up to sacrifice, how can we ask others to lend their lives for our 'quests'?
It's not mere sentimental romance running through my mind...but realizing I have forgotten the face of the only Father I have known...I've traded it for the love of self and indulgent self deprecation.
Jesus mentions loving other as much as you love yourself...what if you forget to love yourself? How can you love others, much less the Author of Love without loving yourself?
It's a paradox, one I've neglected for fear.
Of what exactly...I'm not sure but for sure it is one in which I have focused on the impossible in order to have some sense of relief...some sense that is as false as any fool's gold will be.
Learning what to love means, learning to heal as much as my body can and then I can progress.
Somewhere.
To something.
I'm not sure where it is going or where I am not going.
As far as I've been able to tell time is not linear nor will be the rest of my life.
There are no happily ever after endings...but there is the possibility of a longer life than the one I've so far have spent, there is a possibility of the night stretching into another morning and the possibility that every tear and heartache will have a deeper meaning...and be taken away in love...one day.
But it's a good tired.
It reminds me why I love story and how some days it feels that the imagination is more real than real is...if that makes sense. The Matrix Online was good for that...World of Warcraft is a pale imitation of what that could be...sort of like comparing Harry Potter to Twilight...it's not fair for either party but still the superior brand is clear for those who are looking and know what they are trying to see.
I'm quite excited about Donald Miller's new book coming out this month "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years"...it's about the importance of story to our lives...how the ideas of plot, character, conflict and resolution are a part of that makes life life...life and art being one and being what drives us.
Ever since I first encountered Story when I was a child...I've been obsessed with it...the desire to explain what I've seen in story, in metaphor, in the idea of experince points and epic battles to right the eternal wrongs. I was told young to dream big but that my dreams were stupid, it's amazing what memories jut out at you and this memory has always cut me when it poked out. I feel like I'm trying to run from myself so often that I never see what it is I'm doing...I'm so full of medication that I forget to breath, forget that I exist for a reason and that everyone around me has meaning.
That is the chief lesson I think there is in Roland's quest for the Dark Tower.
Is the end the chief reason for being?
Do we exist for the sole purpose of reaching an end?
Is food an end?
Is sex an end?
Is marriage an end?
Are children an end?
Is a quest to reach the end of the world, to stop creation from unwinding the sole reason for a hero go journey?
No.
It is the daily progress, the dull words of conversation, the ache of muscles too weary to walk another step, the bitter taste of loosing love ones, the sting of realizing time and people are moving on without you, that eternal is only eternal indeed...it is all these things in the progress of the journey that makes life truly life.
Part of my disappointment is expecting to find this sacred reason beyond living as a reason to live...what was the quote Donald Miller mentioned in 'Searching for God Knows What'? Something like "Real life is like fine wine, something children cannot appreciate."
I can't help but still feel like a stupid little kid; sick, tired, confused and hurting deep in my soul and still, here I am.
I haven't given up yet and will not.
I don't need to know that life, fate, ka or whatever is a wheel...things will continue to rotate but none of us are fortuned with a second change to learn from the heartless mistakes we make as we plow through people like they were nothing more than paper dolls.
Maybe that is one of our greatest sins...not realizing people are just as, if not more so, important than ourselves.
If we aren't willing to put ourselves up to sacrifice, how can we ask others to lend their lives for our 'quests'?
It's not mere sentimental romance running through my mind...but realizing I have forgotten the face of the only Father I have known...I've traded it for the love of self and indulgent self deprecation.
Jesus mentions loving other as much as you love yourself...what if you forget to love yourself? How can you love others, much less the Author of Love without loving yourself?
It's a paradox, one I've neglected for fear.
Of what exactly...I'm not sure but for sure it is one in which I have focused on the impossible in order to have some sense of relief...some sense that is as false as any fool's gold will be.
Learning what to love means, learning to heal as much as my body can and then I can progress.
Somewhere.
To something.
I'm not sure where it is going or where I am not going.
As far as I've been able to tell time is not linear nor will be the rest of my life.
There are no happily ever after endings...but there is the possibility of a longer life than the one I've so far have spent, there is a possibility of the night stretching into another morning and the possibility that every tear and heartache will have a deeper meaning...and be taken away in love...one day.
Good Day Rain
It is finished.
It feels like I have crossed a million miles in such a few years...just from reading the books...but it is finished...and yet only just begun.
I'm glad my part as a reader is done. The story can continue in the circle it was created to be and I can rest knowing it will be and it will forever be.
My only regret is being unable to speak to the one who introduced me to the path, introduced me to the books and the muse that is always willing to voice a differencing opinion when it is needed.
It is a good day.
It feels like I have crossed a million miles in such a few years...just from reading the books...but it is finished...and yet only just begun.
I'm glad my part as a reader is done. The story can continue in the circle it was created to be and I can rest knowing it will be and it will forever be.
My only regret is being unable to speak to the one who introduced me to the path, introduced me to the books and the muse that is always willing to voice a differencing opinion when it is needed.
It is a good day.
"A World Alone" - Saviour Machine
Love leaves the soul
Blood feed the man who stands
Alone in the grasp of the hands
That fornicate the land
That emulate the past
To infiltrate a man to tear his brother's flesh
Then drink his blood as we confess
Unto the crimes, we lay at rest
We lay at rest
Rest upon the hand, rest upon the fortress
Hold me in your arms, hold on to the dreams
And the cry to wipe away the tears
In a world that takes away the seeds
And takes away another
To fill its evil needs
In a world that takes away the dreams
When dreams deceive a man, insanity proceeds
In a world that's drowning in its lies
Which persecute his brother
For the color of his eyes
In a world that radiates the skies
Intoxicates the oceans
So watch it as it dies, Alone
No one is home, now one will answer the call
The cry, hear the cry
Comprehend the nature of your soul
The horrors of a child that slips into the night
Surrenders to the fight to find his senses won't reply
Unto the evidence he finds along the way
He dies along the way
My world has no more meaning
I've not much more to take
Hold me in your arms, hold on to the dream
And the cry to wipe away the tears
In a world that takes away the seeds
And takes away another
To fill its evil needs
In a world that takes away the dreams
When dreams deceive a man, insanity proceeds
In a world that's drowning in its lies
Which persecute his brother
For the color of his eyes
In a world that radiates the skies
Intoxicates the oceans
So watch it as it dies, Alone
Blood feed the man who stands
Alone in the grasp of the hands
That fornicate the land
That emulate the past
To infiltrate a man to tear his brother's flesh
Then drink his blood as we confess
Unto the crimes, we lay at rest
We lay at rest
Rest upon the hand, rest upon the fortress
Hold me in your arms, hold on to the dreams
And the cry to wipe away the tears
In a world that takes away the seeds
And takes away another
To fill its evil needs
In a world that takes away the dreams
When dreams deceive a man, insanity proceeds
In a world that's drowning in its lies
Which persecute his brother
For the color of his eyes
In a world that radiates the skies
Intoxicates the oceans
So watch it as it dies, Alone
No one is home, now one will answer the call
The cry, hear the cry
Comprehend the nature of your soul
The horrors of a child that slips into the night
Surrenders to the fight to find his senses won't reply
Unto the evidence he finds along the way
He dies along the way
My world has no more meaning
I've not much more to take
Hold me in your arms, hold on to the dream
And the cry to wipe away the tears
In a world that takes away the seeds
And takes away another
To fill its evil needs
In a world that takes away the dreams
When dreams deceive a man, insanity proceeds
In a world that's drowning in its lies
Which persecute his brother
For the color of his eyes
In a world that radiates the skies
Intoxicates the oceans
So watch it as it dies, Alone
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Ardency
Beauty which demands my attention,
my affection, my devotion,
my love, my sacrifice,
my being, my self,
my waking, my breath,
my beginning,
my breaking,
my end,
and this flimsy devotion.
Love which lifts my soul
from the shell within
to the heavens above
in the relentless resounding din
across the shoals of friction
to the reverberation in You.
my affection, my devotion,
my love, my sacrifice,
my being, my self,
my waking, my breath,
my beginning,
my breaking,
my end,
and this flimsy devotion.
Love which lifts my soul
from the shell within
to the heavens above
in the relentless resounding din
across the shoals of friction
to the reverberation in You.
'Dark Tower' Rant
This isn't looking good.
Mr.King is starting to scare me here.
All of the deaths so far have been meaningless. Unless he is planning to do some kind of massive twist he just wasted his MAIN villain...over nothing. The villain that has been in over a dozen of his books and the main antagonist of the hero was killed...in random happenstance...I'm confused.
On top of that...he spent an the fourth developing Roland's two childhood friends who obviously died before the main story started...and he doesn't even cover their deaths. Just happened to mention them in passing during a flash back about the battle of Jericho Hill...I was pleasantly surprised Sheemie was brought back...but seriously...I'm starting to get bitter over the fourth book being an entire flash back. My memories of Jacksonville is waiting a lot, eating doughnuts and wondering why the book had to be 95% flash back, 2% of a reference to 'The Stand' and 3% of a reference to 'The Wizard of Oz'...I'm guessing I missed something.
And the painful foreshadowing about members of the ka-tet dying...I honestly just wish he would leave some suspence...I'm already about ninety five percent sure my favorite character is going to die...in what I assume is going to be an unfulfilling and cheap death.
And what is up with the Crimson King suddenly becoming this 'tragic' character at the last minute? "Oh no poor guy has been locked in the tower and is going crazy..." Oh I'm so confused...
The plus side is I've enjoyed Mr.King including himself as a minor character in the books...that was an unexpected but pleasant twist. And the Harry Potter reference...the 'snitch' grenade made me giggle.
Oh well...I'm reading this slower than the other books...we'll see what happens...
Mr.King is starting to scare me here.
All of the deaths so far have been meaningless. Unless he is planning to do some kind of massive twist he just wasted his MAIN villain...over nothing. The villain that has been in over a dozen of his books and the main antagonist of the hero was killed...in random happenstance...I'm confused.
On top of that...he spent an the fourth developing Roland's two childhood friends who obviously died before the main story started...and he doesn't even cover their deaths. Just happened to mention them in passing during a flash back about the battle of Jericho Hill...I was pleasantly surprised Sheemie was brought back...but seriously...I'm starting to get bitter over the fourth book being an entire flash back. My memories of Jacksonville is waiting a lot, eating doughnuts and wondering why the book had to be 95% flash back, 2% of a reference to 'The Stand' and 3% of a reference to 'The Wizard of Oz'...I'm guessing I missed something.
And the painful foreshadowing about members of the ka-tet dying...I honestly just wish he would leave some suspence...I'm already about ninety five percent sure my favorite character is going to die...in what I assume is going to be an unfulfilling and cheap death.
And what is up with the Crimson King suddenly becoming this 'tragic' character at the last minute? "Oh no poor guy has been locked in the tower and is going crazy..." Oh I'm so confused...
The plus side is I've enjoyed Mr.King including himself as a minor character in the books...that was an unexpected but pleasant twist. And the Harry Potter reference...the 'snitch' grenade made me giggle.
Oh well...I'm reading this slower than the other books...we'll see what happens...
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
...my cat just walked up to me and hit my nose with his.
What sly cat behavior is this?
Also...I hate hospitals, insurance companies and doctors.
I do like rain, clouds and hugs.
Granted none of this makes sense when you blend it together into one topic...but the thought counts. What it counts as I have no flipping idea...but the numbers are going and someone needs to be jotting them down.
Hey you!
Are you keeping track of them?!?
What sly cat behavior is this?
Also...I hate hospitals, insurance companies and doctors.
I do like rain, clouds and hugs.
Granted none of this makes sense when you blend it together into one topic...but the thought counts. What it counts as I have no flipping idea...but the numbers are going and someone needs to be jotting them down.
Hey you!
Are you keeping track of them?!?
My math is spotty but I've crunched the numbers...the odds of any of this working out is astronomical...we shouldn't be...knowing one another...being able to exist...people overcoming selfishness long enough to do good and create...but the beauty is perhaps in how in the daily actions the impossible is overcome.
How often it is challenged and defeated.
That perhaps is a miracle.
Maybe the miracle we've been looking for.
How often it is challenged and defeated.
That perhaps is a miracle.
Maybe the miracle we've been looking for.
"Ignoring you, I dance, oh I do,
Through magnificent realms, quite divine,
Stopping to see my face smiling at me,
For this is my life and my time,
What an arduous task, it proves such a feat to be only one of a kind,
Through the scenery slips through the spaces we meet,
Press forward and leave me behind,
What a child you are, for you look just like me,
Looking out for number one, I'm all that I have and all that I see,
Saved by the grace of the Son,
So shall we deny?
And rot as we die?
As I write a book about me,
My noble wealth of serving myself,
I am so selfish it's funny."
Through magnificent realms, quite divine,
Stopping to see my face smiling at me,
For this is my life and my time,
What an arduous task, it proves such a feat to be only one of a kind,
Through the scenery slips through the spaces we meet,
Press forward and leave me behind,
What a child you are, for you look just like me,
Looking out for number one, I'm all that I have and all that I see,
Saved by the grace of the Son,
So shall we deny?
And rot as we die?
As I write a book about me,
My noble wealth of serving myself,
I am so selfish it's funny."
Monday, September 7, 2009
"You will never really go
You'll just think about it much but you'll need to know how the story ends,
so you'll sit around, even though you should just go
Tell your friends what you have heard, show them all the lies unlearned
And when you really go, you will really know you were never meant for earth
What's it worth?
If we're going to break it down with any logic, it's absurd
And no matter where we go, we are not alone
When the silence turns to cries of "Why?"
What a way to begin, we inherit sin"
You'll just think about it much but you'll need to know how the story ends,
so you'll sit around, even though you should just go
Tell your friends what you have heard, show them all the lies unlearned
And when you really go, you will really know you were never meant for earth
What's it worth?
If we're going to break it down with any logic, it's absurd
And no matter where we go, we are not alone
When the silence turns to cries of "Why?"
What a way to begin, we inherit sin"
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Roses and Towers
Well one book left.
You know I don't like to argue but unless this book is an utter bomb then I have to disagree with your thoughts about the series being ho-hum.
Maybe I just get excited too easily but 'wow' is all I can say.
I'm sad because the book series is almost ending...and also because I am realizing that story telling isn't one of my primary gifts. It's there...and you're right I need to work on it...but at the same time like music it wasn't why I was put here. Two things I love with an endless obsession but not my chief reason for being.
I think we really know what that is all about.
Hrmm.
What is the expression?
'Long days and pleasant nights?'
Eh that will do for now.
You know I don't like to argue but unless this book is an utter bomb then I have to disagree with your thoughts about the series being ho-hum.
Maybe I just get excited too easily but 'wow' is all I can say.
I'm sad because the book series is almost ending...and also because I am realizing that story telling isn't one of my primary gifts. It's there...and you're right I need to work on it...but at the same time like music it wasn't why I was put here. Two things I love with an endless obsession but not my chief reason for being.
I think we really know what that is all about.
Hrmm.
What is the expression?
'Long days and pleasant nights?'
Eh that will do for now.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
"Love rescue me" - U2
Love rescue me
Come forth and speak to me
Raise me up and don't let me fall
No man is my enemy
My own hands imprison me
Love rescue me
Many strangers have I met
On the road to my regret
Many lost who seek to find themselves in me
They ask me to reveal
The very thoughts they would conceal
Love rescue me
And the sun in the sky makes a shadow of you and I
Stretching out as the sun sinks in the sea
I'm here without a name in the palace of my shame
Love rescue me
In the cold mirror of a glass
I see my reflection pass
I see the dark shades of what I used to be
I see the purple of her eyes
The scarlet of my lies
Love rescue me
And the sun in the sky makes a shadow of you and I
Stretching out as the sun sinks in the sea
I'm hanging on by my thumbs
I'm ready for whatever comes
Love rescue me
Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow
Yet I will fear no evil
I have cursed they rod and staff
They no longer comfort me
Love rescue me
I've conquered my past
The future is here at last
I stand at the entrance
To a new world I can see
The ruins to the right of me
Will soon have lost sight of me
Love rescue me
Come forth and speak to me
Raise me up and don't let me fall
No man is my enemy
My own hands imprison me
Love rescue me
Many strangers have I met
On the road to my regret
Many lost who seek to find themselves in me
They ask me to reveal
The very thoughts they would conceal
Love rescue me
And the sun in the sky makes a shadow of you and I
Stretching out as the sun sinks in the sea
I'm here without a name in the palace of my shame
Love rescue me
In the cold mirror of a glass
I see my reflection pass
I see the dark shades of what I used to be
I see the purple of her eyes
The scarlet of my lies
Love rescue me
And the sun in the sky makes a shadow of you and I
Stretching out as the sun sinks in the sea
I'm hanging on by my thumbs
I'm ready for whatever comes
Love rescue me
Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow
Yet I will fear no evil
I have cursed they rod and staff
They no longer comfort me
Love rescue me
I've conquered my past
The future is here at last
I stand at the entrance
To a new world I can see
The ruins to the right of me
Will soon have lost sight of me
Love rescue me
I sometimes get the distinct impression that a number of relationships I have established live and die based on how much I am needed.
I suppose that isn't very polite at all but when one spends the majority of his time in a room making calls and letters with no return...you start to wonder how many friendship's were either fragments of imaginations and how many are simply the paranoid delusions of an exhausted mind with such ill timing.
I suppose that isn't very polite at all but when one spends the majority of his time in a room making calls and letters with no return...you start to wonder how many friendship's were either fragments of imaginations and how many are simply the paranoid delusions of an exhausted mind with such ill timing.
Long (but good) Article on the Evil's of Prayer in Public Schools
It's nice to see sane Christians who bother to read history:
http://www.wittenburgdoor.com/ultimate-word-school-prayer
http://www.wittenburgdoor.com/ultimate-word-school-prayer
Night Time Waves
I sometimes wonder if my life is going to end with these medications like it somehow began with them.
I miss my daddy a lot...well as much as I can miss someone I never really knew.
I wonder what it would have been...could have been like...but the thoughts hurt too bad to finish. Maybe I should take some divinely given advice and write him some letters...but I doubt I could post them on here. Only a couple of people could really understand what I'm feeling...all of this anger, resentment, sorrow, sadness and love...
...and you know I realize I've hurt my friends a lot this week. All by being myself, just showing up in life and being sick as Hell...and I hate it. Given a choice I would just as soon put a bullet in my head then ever hurt another person...ever again.
I don't know if I just enjoy trying to play Jesus but I can't stand causing pain...it about drives me crazy and hurts me deeper then the person I hurt...sometimes.
The showman in me hates disappointing people...maybe it's time for me to think of lies that are better and more believable than life? Even better than the real thing perhaps?
I sold what little protective armor anonymity could bring by advertising this blog like it was something profound...and often times it's just the ramblings of someone either in intense pain or existing on another level of reality because of medication. The absolute sad thing is I'm somehow this 'stoned' and I am not even on narcotics...so I can't think, want to eat food and I'm still in stupid amounts of pain.
There is an underlying irony here that I think I must be missing.
Part of me wants the drugs because although i have never abused them I know full and well I'm addicted to them. Just like how I picked up a 'need' for nicotine by second hand smoke (thank you all) and alcohol as a three year old child (thanks dad). I haven't touched any of that stuff and still I crave it, feel the ache in me like I want some morphine for my pain.
Then again I could just be insane and if that is the case none of this even mattered in the first place.
Or this could just be paranoid delusions.
But most likely it is just me being here and thinking, nothing more or less.
I can afford late night ramblings but I can't afford many people close proximity to my heart and soul...and it's funny how this can be all misread, twisted and turned around...and thought about in ways I never thought to think about it in. I'm not even sure...but thinking in so many dimensions is exhausting...so much so that I think I am finally beginning to just not care all that much.
But I can still pray, I can still hope...I have let my heart bleed this long that there is no sense in trying to stop it. Maybe continued devotion will bring about wisdom with age and with it more early gray hairs.
Soon it'll be time to wake up...face the sun and realized I am Loved. This night will end soon...so what sleep I can gather I will.
Thank You for carrying this sin, this disease, this infirm condition...and how can I forget my shame and endless pain? Help me to remember when You spoke to that frightful little child...help me to never forget the face of You, my true Father, help me to love You like You love me, help me to love others like You love me and most important help me to love me like You love me.
I miss my daddy a lot...well as much as I can miss someone I never really knew.
I wonder what it would have been...could have been like...but the thoughts hurt too bad to finish. Maybe I should take some divinely given advice and write him some letters...but I doubt I could post them on here. Only a couple of people could really understand what I'm feeling...all of this anger, resentment, sorrow, sadness and love...
...and you know I realize I've hurt my friends a lot this week. All by being myself, just showing up in life and being sick as Hell...and I hate it. Given a choice I would just as soon put a bullet in my head then ever hurt another person...ever again.
I don't know if I just enjoy trying to play Jesus but I can't stand causing pain...it about drives me crazy and hurts me deeper then the person I hurt...sometimes.
The showman in me hates disappointing people...maybe it's time for me to think of lies that are better and more believable than life? Even better than the real thing perhaps?
I sold what little protective armor anonymity could bring by advertising this blog like it was something profound...and often times it's just the ramblings of someone either in intense pain or existing on another level of reality because of medication. The absolute sad thing is I'm somehow this 'stoned' and I am not even on narcotics...so I can't think, want to eat food and I'm still in stupid amounts of pain.
There is an underlying irony here that I think I must be missing.
Part of me wants the drugs because although i have never abused them I know full and well I'm addicted to them. Just like how I picked up a 'need' for nicotine by second hand smoke (thank you all) and alcohol as a three year old child (thanks dad). I haven't touched any of that stuff and still I crave it, feel the ache in me like I want some morphine for my pain.
Then again I could just be insane and if that is the case none of this even mattered in the first place.
Or this could just be paranoid delusions.
But most likely it is just me being here and thinking, nothing more or less.
I can afford late night ramblings but I can't afford many people close proximity to my heart and soul...and it's funny how this can be all misread, twisted and turned around...and thought about in ways I never thought to think about it in. I'm not even sure...but thinking in so many dimensions is exhausting...so much so that I think I am finally beginning to just not care all that much.
But I can still pray, I can still hope...I have let my heart bleed this long that there is no sense in trying to stop it. Maybe continued devotion will bring about wisdom with age and with it more early gray hairs.
Soon it'll be time to wake up...face the sun and realized I am Loved. This night will end soon...so what sleep I can gather I will.
Thank You for carrying this sin, this disease, this infirm condition...and how can I forget my shame and endless pain? Help me to remember when You spoke to that frightful little child...help me to never forget the face of You, my true Father, help me to love You like You love me, help me to love others like You love me and most important help me to love me like You love me.
"Canonball" - Five Iron Frenzy
Wind passes right through my skin as I fall down,
this furious speed will only destroy me.
Crippling and devastating momentum,
approaching maximum velocity.
And this is how it's going to be, the point of it all.
'Cause this is what was meant for me,
recklessly I fall.
Hulking, smashing, I come crashing,
nothing like when I was small.
I am unstoppable, I am the cannonball.
Thirty-two feet per second I increase,
as the exponents will multiply.
I'll never stop to look back behind me,
cutting through the bright blue sky.
And this is how it's meant to be,
untethered I will soar.
I'll barrel towards the earth below,
it's what I was made for.
Hulking, smashing, I come crashing,
nothing like when I was small.
I am unstoppable, I am the cannonball.
That feeble coward that you knew,
has undergone an overhaul.
I am unstoppable, I am the cannonball.
And everyone will say it's just an accident,
like some mishap or a tragedy.
I think that failure has a purpose,
and I don't believe it's chance if I fall.
And I know that if I ever do fall, He will catch me.
And if He ever lets me fall down,
for the good of those who believe Him,
He will make me into a cannonball.
Unblemished, and faultless.
A burning luminescence.
Unequaled precision, beyond your scope of vision.
Cannonball.
this furious speed will only destroy me.
Crippling and devastating momentum,
approaching maximum velocity.
And this is how it's going to be, the point of it all.
'Cause this is what was meant for me,
recklessly I fall.
Hulking, smashing, I come crashing,
nothing like when I was small.
I am unstoppable, I am the cannonball.
Thirty-two feet per second I increase,
as the exponents will multiply.
I'll never stop to look back behind me,
cutting through the bright blue sky.
And this is how it's meant to be,
untethered I will soar.
I'll barrel towards the earth below,
it's what I was made for.
Hulking, smashing, I come crashing,
nothing like when I was small.
I am unstoppable, I am the cannonball.
That feeble coward that you knew,
has undergone an overhaul.
I am unstoppable, I am the cannonball.
And everyone will say it's just an accident,
like some mishap or a tragedy.
I think that failure has a purpose,
and I don't believe it's chance if I fall.
And I know that if I ever do fall, He will catch me.
And if He ever lets me fall down,
for the good of those who believe Him,
He will make me into a cannonball.
Unblemished, and faultless.
A burning luminescence.
Unequaled precision, beyond your scope of vision.
Cannonball.
Friday, September 4, 2009
I hate these feelings...of lack of control...these blind impulses them seem to guide and dictate my actions...there is nobility in them...somewhere but I find it harder to see.
I just want to do the right thing by God's and Love's sake...it's a pity I'm so blind without my glasses that I do not see the truth when it is just within grasp.
I just want to do the right thing by God's and Love's sake...it's a pity I'm so blind without my glasses that I do not see the truth when it is just within grasp.
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