The price of my adultery against Jesus was for me to lose everything and even if I survive this I am not sure how I can ever heal fully.
Maybe in a year or two I will no longer think of her, wonder how she is, pray for her, cry over every stupid game/movie/song/damn thing that reminds me of her.
She was not real.
None of it seems to have been.
And yet...the only one to blame is myself for thinking I saw something when it is so obviously never was.
I was not played.
There was an opening for a role and I cast myself in it and believed every last of the lie till I needed to die.
Now the trick is remembering how to live.
