I feel cold and numb this morning all over...it certainly beats the pain I have been in...but I am having trouble stringing thoughts and words together...just...yeah...

Why did I stand so transfixed by the thought of playing music for so long?
That whole band, music, lyric...that thing I tried for years to accomplish before finally just giving up on it? When did I finally give up on that and just decided to move on with life?

I guess that is just moving on with life...and eventually I will get to a point where the whole relationship thing won't even come to mind or really even matter to me...it'll just be a drop in the bucket of events and ideas that have shaped who I am. Even with all the problems I had stemming from it...I don't know if I will even be thinking of it or talking to those in and around it in six months, a year...ten years...it is all that it is.

Things keep changing...keep spinning away from me...and I am just not even sure I know how to breath properly...

The cool mists keep blowing around me, ever changing as they shift here and there not bound by shape or form. They edge along like time, going wherever they go and yet I remain bound to this spot. I am not sure of my name or my place...simply that I am, I was and there is a possibility that I will be.

Nothing...nothing...nothing.


"The TV dies more and more for each day
And the beauty of your eyes (in my head)
Makes the flashing lights behind me on the wall look even more pale
Four o’clock and the sky is getting red
And here I am, just me waiting
Waiting for the sun to come out

I’m throwing myself at you
And I’m holding on for dear life
Can I scream out of tune in this choir
God help me scream

We are to follow
We are nothing running blind
We are to follow
We are so sick of it now
We are to follow
But I’m scared to be left behind
We are to follow
Nothing now

What if I would stand still and get moved
By You"