Blindside's album "The Great Depression" still has the ability to always help me get rid of these upset feelings and try and relax.

Swedish Christian metal is some of the best.

*sigh* I'm rapidly falling behind in NANOWRIMO...help?

"And so one morning just before dawn You came
Out of the forest towards my window
With a smile in Your hand
As the moist air up to Your knees started swirling like smoke
I saw Your lips move
Asking: Did you lose something
I stood glued to the window

Emotions running through my vein
How I know a word I can’t explain

I think I’ve known you all along
Just lost Your face in the crowd for awhile
I think I have been holding my breath all my life
Can I exhale and go into exile
Ask me now and I’ll run away with You

And so with the dawn You’ve come
Eye to eye with nothing in between but this fragile glass
Your lips move again
I try but I can’t detect the vibrations in the air
How I’ve longed to inhale Your breath
It’s still early and I see your words getting caught
In the window slowly turning into frost

I see Your hand move and I can’t detain
Scraping down a word I can’t explain

I think I’ve known you all along
Just lost Your face in the crowd for awhile
I think I have been holding my breath all my life
Can I exhale and go into exile
Ask me now and I’ll run away with You"
-Blindside, "Ask Me Now"


God I'm so feeling this song right now...there is nothing more I want to do than just leave this place...this stupid floating rock in seemingly infinite space forever...part of me doesn't want to die...but God I long to be able to breath again...my lungs are collapsed from the pain of breathing this sulfur.

Jesus I don't know how You walked this earth in holy perfection, how the wrath is held back when You've dealt with such an apathetic people...but thank You, thanks for holding back wrath and extending to arms in love.

As soon as my time here is done, don't terry...call me home...nothing is holding me in place and I'm going to go flying as soon as You say the words..what few people I love I'll meet with You soon enough...

This physical pain is getting to be so unbearable...they will do nothing to treat my pain..and my Jesus...do you want me to suffer? Is me being in pain something that will make Your glory expand?

The pain makes me long for death but I am trying so hard to be an adult and pray for strength...but I'm so tired...I want to come Home...I want to feel Your embrace and know that this struggle...my heart being shattered into a million pieces was worth it...whatever good I'm doing and done...that You will finish the work started...like only You can...