Friday, October 30, 2009

As if I needed more reasons to be depressed...

Let's count the reasons:
1.Chronic pain.
2.Drama every few feet.
3.Ministryless.
4.Jobless.
5.Unable to eat foodless.

And...I won't be going to Atlanta to help with xxxchurch's outreach at the gay pride festival...because I don't have money. I can't borrow a car (mine needs an oil change and tires fixed) and I do not have the gas money for a trip there and back again. All my attempts at securing some sort of help has failed.

Gargh.

This whole planning and still failing thing is getting...really freaking upsetting.

YES I am taking this worse than I should...but I just want...I mean I pray and I feel led to do things and it doesn't work out...and I don't know what to do...I don't know what to say or pray except to cry and cry a lot because of how frustrated I am.

Maybe I'm not supposed to be a minister or do ministry work as a 'profession' but then...just what the heck am I supposed to do?

God I feel so sick...I'm trying not to throw up but this stress is just making is worse.

*sigh*

I'm going to go jump out my window and see if I can land on my head in such a way that ideas are forced to jump forward.

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