New Year and New Day with Common Problems

The normal status quo is about the same. The question that must be asked is what shall I do with it and about it?

Making your own decisions for the first time is odd.

I'll need money for sure, health insurance won't hurt, food is good, water is better, creativity is a must and there must be so much of other things that I am not even sure what these 'things' might be exactly.

Old things really don't make me happy anymore, small stories and limited boxes are all they seem to be anymore. Empty constructs dependent on binary like every other computing machine. The inklings of humanity are indeed broad but are quite shallow in their soil.


Realizing the large world with near infinite possibility for the first time is quite terrifying. People settle for sub par things because the world scares the hell out of them and they have no clue how to respond to something so impossibly large. No wonder people are so miserable, we don't even reach a small percentage of the potential and happiness we could have.



I wish it could just be us two, no more of the headaches, no more separation by distance, no more of the entanglements of this broken world holding us back. No more broken visages and no more pretending to love you. I am so sick of this fake love I dance around, this pretending to love you while so much suffering goes on.

If you are more then just my imagination running wild I need to be able to see the path in front of me, even if it is just one step at a time. Any help would most certainly be appreciated and welcomed, every last shred of it will be taken to heart and exuberantly embraced.

Or so I say, at least until the next time I hurt, the next time cry, the next time things fall apart; then I will tear into you again screaming obscenity and cursing the fact I was ever made. It is absolutely amazing how easy it is to blame you for my failures when the only thing you have been responsible has been my success. You have loved and carried me beyond any possible understanding on my part. I want to breath but it is so hard, I want to walk forward but I can't even stand the weight of my own failures.

All I ever had was you, all I have ever wanted is you. Everything else I thought I wanted was just a desire to weak to realize what love is. My body is being ravaged by sin, by time and by failure. I'll have finished dying soon enough and then maybe we can see each other, maybe there will be a world without end that we can share. What is possible is only limited by the infinite love that you hold for me.