"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of beauty is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, but indifference between life and death...Indifference, to me, is the epitome of evil."
-Elie Wiesel
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Quote of the Day:
“Never cease loving a person, and never give up hope for him, for even the prodigal son who had fallen most low, could still be saved; the bitterest enemy and also he who was your friend could again be your friend; love that has grown cold can kindle”
-Soren Kierkegaard
-Soren Kierkegaard
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Proverbs 19
"Better a poor man whose walk is blameless
than a fool whose lips are perverse.
It is not good to have zeal without knowledge,
nor to be hasty and miss the way.
A man's own folly ruins his life,
yet his heart rages against the LORD."
-Proverbs 19:1-3
Poor, foolish, rash, folly and rage...oh dear so much rage...
How does scripture know me better than I know myself?
I go from wanting to hide my head in the sand to screaming curses to the heavens...and yet here I am, my fleeting life preserved when I have done so much sin and done so willingly and gleefully.
How do you love such a wicked man that merely masquerades as a son?
Loving correction and a chance at a new day...I can breath, taste, smell, feel, experience every day...thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
I can pain so many pictures of myself and what it is like to be in love with me...please continue to teach me, correct me, love me, break me...and help me grow.
I can't stand the distance between us...please fill in the gap and love me.
Who am I?
Words...so many words...
But thank you.
Again and again Beloved, thank you.
than a fool whose lips are perverse.
It is not good to have zeal without knowledge,
nor to be hasty and miss the way.
A man's own folly ruins his life,
yet his heart rages against the LORD."
-Proverbs 19:1-3
Poor, foolish, rash, folly and rage...oh dear so much rage...
How does scripture know me better than I know myself?
I go from wanting to hide my head in the sand to screaming curses to the heavens...and yet here I am, my fleeting life preserved when I have done so much sin and done so willingly and gleefully.
How do you love such a wicked man that merely masquerades as a son?
Loving correction and a chance at a new day...I can breath, taste, smell, feel, experience every day...thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
I can pain so many pictures of myself and what it is like to be in love with me...please continue to teach me, correct me, love me, break me...and help me grow.
I can't stand the distance between us...please fill in the gap and love me.
Who am I?
Words...so many words...
But thank you.
Again and again Beloved, thank you.
Everyone is worth loving, everyone is worth taking the time to listen to.
However not everyone is worthy of trust or the privilege of knowing my thoughts, knowing who I really am under this skin...
I hate pain.
I can't stand it.
Knowing others are suffering or anything like that...even if it is listening I want to but God knows I would do everything I can...
...but that is just it, isn't it?
It's not my place to carry people or their burdens.
In fact...maybe it is a sin to try.
It will not let them grow or mature if I take their pain.
We all have to suffer.
I don't think I can ever be a parent or a husband or any sort of intimate relationship like that...I can't handle friendships...how in God's name will I ever be able to pull back and have perspective for things that insane?
I'm better off with books, papers and what few relationships I can salvage and keep afloat.
It is so silly to think I considered...even hoped for some of those things as recently as a few months ago...it was someone who isn't alive anymore.
I am not the person who spent so much effort writing on here in months or years past...I just am.
I don't know who that is or if it is a good thing.
I have no choice but to just accept me as myself and hope the best comes out of life.
Rash, major and impossible decisions are coming out of every hole and hiding place...but I am just too tired to care at all.
All of these mistakes, all of these aches...every poisonous glance and every second wasted in this void...it's not even a paltry smile, screw that...I have dignity, I have pride and refuse to just throw myself at the mercy of beasts and horrors.
I am me.
Every disgusting and noble aspect coming together to make someone who is human.
I'm shallow, so shallow baby but you would never understand how.
I burrow and hide in shame, fleeing from light and at the end of the day I make a mockery of the cross...yet Christ has love enough for me.
That is more than enough for me.
None of you can understand this more than your own experience...the horror, the beauty, the endless facade we put up just to make it through the day...but here we are...day in and day out.
It could never be better or worse.
It is, it is, it is.
However not everyone is worthy of trust or the privilege of knowing my thoughts, knowing who I really am under this skin...
I hate pain.
I can't stand it.
Knowing others are suffering or anything like that...even if it is listening I want to but God knows I would do everything I can...
...but that is just it, isn't it?
It's not my place to carry people or their burdens.
In fact...maybe it is a sin to try.
It will not let them grow or mature if I take their pain.
We all have to suffer.
I don't think I can ever be a parent or a husband or any sort of intimate relationship like that...I can't handle friendships...how in God's name will I ever be able to pull back and have perspective for things that insane?
I'm better off with books, papers and what few relationships I can salvage and keep afloat.
It is so silly to think I considered...even hoped for some of those things as recently as a few months ago...it was someone who isn't alive anymore.
I am not the person who spent so much effort writing on here in months or years past...I just am.
I don't know who that is or if it is a good thing.
I have no choice but to just accept me as myself and hope the best comes out of life.
Rash, major and impossible decisions are coming out of every hole and hiding place...but I am just too tired to care at all.
All of these mistakes, all of these aches...every poisonous glance and every second wasted in this void...it's not even a paltry smile, screw that...I have dignity, I have pride and refuse to just throw myself at the mercy of beasts and horrors.
I am me.
Every disgusting and noble aspect coming together to make someone who is human.
I'm shallow, so shallow baby but you would never understand how.
I burrow and hide in shame, fleeing from light and at the end of the day I make a mockery of the cross...yet Christ has love enough for me.
That is more than enough for me.
None of you can understand this more than your own experience...the horror, the beauty, the endless facade we put up just to make it through the day...but here we are...day in and day out.
It could never be better or worse.
It is, it is, it is.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Inklings of Shadow and Time
I feel this plague inside me festering, growing moment by moment...apathy and excess entwining to starve my spirit and to seek nothing more than gratifying...worshiping my sick and broken body.
What madness does possess me?
What do I see except this shallow graves
and endless rows of pale white stones
all cut from this one rock
hidden deep within my cave.
I see, I feel...but so much, so more than I is...and was and shall ever be.
Such beautiful I neglect, I hate, I spite...I write off as being lesser or just a patch as needed.
Such foolish inklings...my strength is gone
and so is my mind.
The witching hour has come
and for now
I must bid the bitter farewell
but not to shores I wish to see
but endless rotations
inside this personal cave.
I see shadows on the walls
and dare to hope,
yes dare to dream
that all that is will cease
and in its wake
brings peace beyond understanding
and love eternal
never without an end.
What madness does possess me?
What do I see except this shallow graves
and endless rows of pale white stones
all cut from this one rock
hidden deep within my cave.
I see, I feel...but so much, so more than I is...and was and shall ever be.
Such beautiful I neglect, I hate, I spite...I write off as being lesser or just a patch as needed.
Such foolish inklings...my strength is gone
and so is my mind.
The witching hour has come
and for now
I must bid the bitter farewell
but not to shores I wish to see
but endless rotations
inside this personal cave.
I see shadows on the walls
and dare to hope,
yes dare to dream
that all that is will cease
and in its wake
brings peace beyond understanding
and love eternal
never without an end.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
"Jesus is for losers, the self-made need not apply"
As a rule of thumb I do my best to avoid politics.
I am trained in theology and philosophy, the golden tongue lies of the political norm is an area I try to never stray to far into because I honestly have trouble reconciling the loyalties demanded by a world government with my spiritual convictions.
A government has vested interests and those interests tend to seek preservation over anything as long as it makes its people happy and content. Christianity is not about contentment, if anything it takes ones self assured bubble and rips it to pieces and shoves the ugly truth of the fact that our middle class "utopia" is an anomaly floating on a world of poverty, disease and suffering.
That being said, for reason I do not fully understand, there is a huge contingent of Christians wrapped up in politics and more specifically the Republican party. The two golden calves of this movement tend to focus on gay marriage and abortion while seeming to neglect mostly anything else.
It seems all too easy to simply villainize and demonize those who have no voice in the major Christian circles and simply paint them as being "the enemy" that is stopping the marriage of the cross and eagle into this amazing theocracy that will bring about some mythical golden age of Christendom.
The thing that scares me the most is how that isn't hyperbole or sarcasm, that is the honest view of people and there has never been a marriage of Christianity and government that benefited anyone, it only made for a hollow faith that became an oppressor.
Which is irony in and of itself because Jesus came to set us free from the systems of this world, the shackles of tyranny and the need to divide people up based upon class of sinners.
That is what a politicized view of Christianity does.
The haves and have nots of faith.
We don't want our kids to be around the bad and dirty people...don't sully our churches with those who are gay, got too much color tone in their skin, the convict, the junkies, the doctor performing abortions...you know it is true...because even though we hate and will kill every Nazi, Jesus was the one who hung bleeding on a cross for every broken and self destructive sinner to walk this world.
Love is not a commodity we can use to guilt people into fitting into our niche of Christianity.
Just like how I have issues with the pro-life movement because it seems only concerned with aborted babies but doesn't speak up for those on death row or against the needless stupidity of all war.
Am I better then those Christians?
Do I have something they are missing?
It's not like I am some sort of golden child prodigy who has everything right.
I just feel strongly convicted in my human heart that there is no excuse, no reason, not bearable reason why any blood should be spilled.
Killing someone will never change the past and the final blood sacrifice was paid by the God who dared to come to his creation and forces us to move beyond our blind self serving stagnation.
There is finality in death that cannot be changed by human hands.
Should human hands have the authority to control who lives and who dies?
Can there really be any sort of justice from these imperfect and sinful hands?
Maybe it is silly to want to change the world at all when I can't even deal with my own crap...but I was cursed with the need to write what I see, what I feel, what I think...hope, pray and want to see.
Maybe just asking a question out loud is enough to do something...the hope and prayer I have is that the question will enter you, dear reader, and you will ask why and how...pray and maybe you will take a step, some sort of action.
Sunday, the 10th of October, is the World Day Against the Death Penalty and I think the Christian thing to do is to stop trying to take judgment into our hands and letting an imperfect system take the role of God.
http://www.amnestyusa.org/death-penalty/world-day-against-the-death-penalty-october-10-2010/page.do?id=1721023
The sad thing, is if the atheist and agnostic are right in saying Jesus was nothing more than a great moral teacher, they are at least taking Jesus more serious than any Christian.
For some reason it seems that we Christians don't think Jesus was serious in his sermons, in his life, sacrifice and resurrection. We are great at cherry picking Bible verses (see below) to suit our agenda, our needs and our wants...not letting the Spirit speak to our hearts and give us what we need.
Living in a culture of comfort where we ignore our sins and scream at others for daring to put a toe out of line...who are we fooling? Do you think the God we ignore and turn to only as a last resort will do anything else?
Even as we spit in his face while driving the nail into his hand...the love is there, vibrant and burning with such truth that we will never be able to ignore it, not even in our deepest levels of shame and fear. The beautiful horror is that as much as we resent Jesus for it...we need to be loved, to be forgiven and taken and held in our broken state...and to be taken and turned into something more beautiful than we could ever hope to be on our own.
“Don’t misunderstand why I have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to accomplish their purpose. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not even the smallest detail of God’s law will disappear until its purpose is achieved. So if you ignore the least commandment and teach others to do the same, you will be called the least in the Kingdom of Heaven. But anyone who obeys God’s laws and teaches them will be called great in the Kingdom of Heaven.
“But I warn you—unless your righteousness is better than the righteousness of the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven!
“You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.
“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God."
** ** ** **
“You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too. If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles. Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow.
“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect."
-Matthew 5:17-24, 38-48
I am trained in theology and philosophy, the golden tongue lies of the political norm is an area I try to never stray to far into because I honestly have trouble reconciling the loyalties demanded by a world government with my spiritual convictions.
A government has vested interests and those interests tend to seek preservation over anything as long as it makes its people happy and content. Christianity is not about contentment, if anything it takes ones self assured bubble and rips it to pieces and shoves the ugly truth of the fact that our middle class "utopia" is an anomaly floating on a world of poverty, disease and suffering.
That being said, for reason I do not fully understand, there is a huge contingent of Christians wrapped up in politics and more specifically the Republican party. The two golden calves of this movement tend to focus on gay marriage and abortion while seeming to neglect mostly anything else.
It seems all too easy to simply villainize and demonize those who have no voice in the major Christian circles and simply paint them as being "the enemy" that is stopping the marriage of the cross and eagle into this amazing theocracy that will bring about some mythical golden age of Christendom.
The thing that scares me the most is how that isn't hyperbole or sarcasm, that is the honest view of people and there has never been a marriage of Christianity and government that benefited anyone, it only made for a hollow faith that became an oppressor.
Which is irony in and of itself because Jesus came to set us free from the systems of this world, the shackles of tyranny and the need to divide people up based upon class of sinners.
That is what a politicized view of Christianity does.
The haves and have nots of faith.
We don't want our kids to be around the bad and dirty people...don't sully our churches with those who are gay, got too much color tone in their skin, the convict, the junkies, the doctor performing abortions...you know it is true...because even though we hate and will kill every Nazi, Jesus was the one who hung bleeding on a cross for every broken and self destructive sinner to walk this world.
Love is not a commodity we can use to guilt people into fitting into our niche of Christianity.
Just like how I have issues with the pro-life movement because it seems only concerned with aborted babies but doesn't speak up for those on death row or against the needless stupidity of all war.
Am I better then those Christians?
Do I have something they are missing?
It's not like I am some sort of golden child prodigy who has everything right.
I just feel strongly convicted in my human heart that there is no excuse, no reason, not bearable reason why any blood should be spilled.
Killing someone will never change the past and the final blood sacrifice was paid by the God who dared to come to his creation and forces us to move beyond our blind self serving stagnation.
There is finality in death that cannot be changed by human hands.
Should human hands have the authority to control who lives and who dies?
Can there really be any sort of justice from these imperfect and sinful hands?
Maybe it is silly to want to change the world at all when I can't even deal with my own crap...but I was cursed with the need to write what I see, what I feel, what I think...hope, pray and want to see.
Maybe just asking a question out loud is enough to do something...the hope and prayer I have is that the question will enter you, dear reader, and you will ask why and how...pray and maybe you will take a step, some sort of action.
Sunday, the 10th of October, is the World Day Against the Death Penalty and I think the Christian thing to do is to stop trying to take judgment into our hands and letting an imperfect system take the role of God.
http://www.amnestyusa.org/death-penalty/world-day-against-the-death-penalty-october-10-2010/page.do?id=1721023
The sad thing, is if the atheist and agnostic are right in saying Jesus was nothing more than a great moral teacher, they are at least taking Jesus more serious than any Christian.
For some reason it seems that we Christians don't think Jesus was serious in his sermons, in his life, sacrifice and resurrection. We are great at cherry picking Bible verses (see below) to suit our agenda, our needs and our wants...not letting the Spirit speak to our hearts and give us what we need.
Living in a culture of comfort where we ignore our sins and scream at others for daring to put a toe out of line...who are we fooling? Do you think the God we ignore and turn to only as a last resort will do anything else?
Even as we spit in his face while driving the nail into his hand...the love is there, vibrant and burning with such truth that we will never be able to ignore it, not even in our deepest levels of shame and fear. The beautiful horror is that as much as we resent Jesus for it...we need to be loved, to be forgiven and taken and held in our broken state...and to be taken and turned into something more beautiful than we could ever hope to be on our own.
“Don’t misunderstand why I have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to accomplish their purpose. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not even the smallest detail of God’s law will disappear until its purpose is achieved. So if you ignore the least commandment and teach others to do the same, you will be called the least in the Kingdom of Heaven. But anyone who obeys God’s laws and teaches them will be called great in the Kingdom of Heaven.
“But I warn you—unless your righteousness is better than the righteousness of the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven!
“You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.
“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God."
** ** ** **
“You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too. If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles. Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow.
“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect."
-Matthew 5:17-24, 38-48
Quote of the Day:
“The world is not respectable; it is mortal, tormented, confused, deluded forever; but it is shot through with beauty, with love, with glints of courage and laughter; and in these, the spirit blooms timidly, and struggles to the light amid the thorns.”
-George Santayana
-George Santayana
Friday, October 8, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Sent to the Dark
Sometimes I feel so stupid for believing.
It's like...how naive and stupid can I be?
I am seeing myself
reflected and refracted
broken apart
and having my soul deconstructed.
I want to nail this pain into the wall
put it on display
showing my shame and hate
just every ounce of myself
you never could know.
I feel so foolish
so stupid.
I wasn't just a child
but one following
hook, line and sinker.
More than just my head
I have a hole in my heart
pumping out life
and filling this suit of lies,
staining it red
with all my regret.
I keep asking for an end
for this soul
to be stripped
and torn from this decaying machine
but you have plans,
such unknowable
and pain giving plans.
Just another chance
another path
where will this go?
Does it matter?
How much does it matter?
It's like...how naive and stupid can I be?
I am seeing myself
reflected and refracted
broken apart
and having my soul deconstructed.
I want to nail this pain into the wall
put it on display
showing my shame and hate
just every ounce of myself
you never could know.
I feel so foolish
so stupid.
I wasn't just a child
but one following
hook, line and sinker.
More than just my head
I have a hole in my heart
pumping out life
and filling this suit of lies,
staining it red
with all my regret.
I keep asking for an end
for this soul
to be stripped
and torn from this decaying machine
but you have plans,
such unknowable
and pain giving plans.
Just another chance
another path
where will this go?
Does it matter?
How much does it matter?
Quote of the Day:
"The writer who emphasizes spiritual values is very likely to take the darkest view of all of what he sees in this country today. For him, the fact that we are the most powerful and wealthiest nation in the world doesn't mean a thing in any positive sense. The sharper the light of faith, the more glaring are apt to be the distortions the writer sees in the life around him... My own feeling is that writers who see by the light of their Christian faith will have, in these times, the sharpest eyes for the grotesque, for the perverse, and for the unacceptable... The novelist with Christian concerns will find in modern life distortions which are repugnant to him, and his problem will be to make these appear as distortions to an audience which is used to seeing them as natural."
-Flannery O'Connor
-Flannery O'Connor
Quote of the Day:
"The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it."
-Flannery O'Connor
-Flannery O'Connor
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
