Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Absurd Assumptions Concerning Nuclear Familiar Related Tangents
I wish I could switch my mind off.
That way I would never worry
or begin to think
about the possibility
of consideration
considering you.
A smile can be laughter
but most cases
in these days
it feels like
a mere taunting
reverberating
everything
in redundant waves
that I fail
in understanding.
I see this
and I see that
I see families
even fragments
which are more
than mine
and it confuses me,
greatly.
Pride?
Consideration?
Honor?
Love?
Desire for company?
What are these falsehoods?
These lies spouted,
breathed into my ear?
I cannot believe these things
that they could ever be
much less be about me
or what can ever be
but most certainly
not about me.
I can walk on this
or that
or our path
and it won't belong
because it's for one
nor two
or more
just me
and my falsehoods
and false ability
to see.
Accession,
or merely a declension
as I recall
just the steps that led
to the awkward air
and my regret
that this is somehow
all my fault anyway
that the familiar sting
is familiar because
it is familial
and nothing more
because
it encompases
something
that is everything else
and will continue to cyle
and churn
and turn
and burn
and whirl
because that is what it is
and to expect less
is to expect more
than what reality is.
The lie was in beliveing
even in the imagination
of a momment
of a minute
that this lifestyle
was for me.
Familiar,
familiar,
fatality.
Nothing quite so grand
just a penny
here and there
for your thoughts
and less than
just here and there
as it were.
That way I would never worry
or begin to think
about the possibility
of consideration
considering you.
A smile can be laughter
but most cases
in these days
it feels like
a mere taunting
reverberating
everything
in redundant waves
that I fail
in understanding.
I see this
and I see that
I see families
even fragments
which are more
than mine
and it confuses me,
greatly.
Pride?
Consideration?
Honor?
Love?
Desire for company?
What are these falsehoods?
These lies spouted,
breathed into my ear?
I cannot believe these things
that they could ever be
much less be about me
or what can ever be
but most certainly
not about me.
I can walk on this
or that
or our path
and it won't belong
because it's for one
nor two
or more
just me
and my falsehoods
and false ability
to see.
Accession,
or merely a declension
as I recall
just the steps that led
to the awkward air
and my regret
that this is somehow
all my fault anyway
that the familiar sting
is familiar because
it is familial
and nothing more
because
it encompases
something
that is everything else
and will continue to cyle
and churn
and turn
and burn
and whirl
because that is what it is
and to expect less
is to expect more
than what reality is.
The lie was in beliveing
even in the imagination
of a momment
of a minute
that this lifestyle
was for me.
Familiar,
familiar,
fatality.
Nothing quite so grand
just a penny
here and there
for your thoughts
and less than
just here and there
as it were.
Rant and...Villainy ?
Okay...enough damage to art for one night...still feel like living, flamed over death.
Blargh. #_#
Must remember to finish article on the internet so I can start the one on making a villain.
Villain list must include:
-Randall Flagg (Stephen King's "The Stand" and "Dark Tower" series)
http://clayman84.deviantart.com/art/Randall-Flagg-80248408
-Legato Bluesummers ('Trigun')
http://zerotozune.deviantart.com/art/Legato-Bluesummers-74632682
-Million Knives ('Trigun')
http://anime3000.lesaruss.org/series/trigun/images/knives&vash01.jpg
-Iago (Shakespeare's "Othello")
http://moth-eatn.deviantart.com/art/Iago-43550425
-Voldemort (J.K. Rowling's' "Harry Potter" series)
http://droo216.deviantart.com/art/Harry-v-Voldemort-79110072
http://suetlilanglz.deviantart.com/art/I-am-Lord-Voldemort-27052257
-Sauron (J.R.R. Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings")
http://cyclothymia.deviantart.com/art/Sauron-2nd-age-18389009
-Giygas ('EarthBound')
http://greliz.deviantart.com/art/VG-Villains-15-Giygas-67522038
http://eddboy.deviantart.com/art/Giygas-106361403
-Lavos (Chrono Trigger)
http://monokuro.deviantart.com/art/Eye-of-Lavos-24777147
http://ash-link.deviantart.com/art/Lavos-36986793
http://sooperkreep.deviantart.com/art/Lavos-New-Chrono-Trigger-126989336
-Kefka (Final Fantasy VI)
http://shingotm.deviantart.com/art/Ecard-FFVI-Everybody-VS-Kefka-100236120
http://darksun45230.deviantart.com/art/Dancing-Kefka-104596444
http://little-foot.deviantart.com/art/Kefka-62339300
Dishonorable Mentions:
-The Crimson King (Stephen King "Dark Tower" series)
-Sephiroth (Final Fantasy VII)
-Altima (Final Fantasy Tactics)
-The Devourer of Time (Chrono Cross)
Blargh. #_#
Must remember to finish article on the internet so I can start the one on making a villain.
Villain list must include:
-Randall Flagg (Stephen King's "The Stand" and "Dark Tower" series)
http://clayman84.deviantart.com/art/Randall-Flagg-80248408
-Legato Bluesummers ('Trigun')
http://zerotozune.deviantart.com/art/Legato-Bluesummers-74632682
-Million Knives ('Trigun')
http://anime3000.lesaruss.org/series/trigun/images/knives&vash01.jpg
-Iago (Shakespeare's "Othello")
http://moth-eatn.deviantart.com/art/Iago-43550425
-Voldemort (J.K. Rowling's' "Harry Potter" series)
http://droo216.deviantart.com/art/Harry-v-Voldemort-79110072
http://suetlilanglz.deviantart.com/art/I-am-Lord-Voldemort-27052257
-Sauron (J.R.R. Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings")
http://cyclothymia.deviantart.com/art/Sauron-2nd-age-18389009
-Giygas ('EarthBound')
http://greliz.deviantart.com/art/VG-Villains-15-Giygas-67522038
http://eddboy.deviantart.com/art/Giygas-106361403
-Lavos (Chrono Trigger)
http://monokuro.deviantart.com/art/Eye-of-Lavos-24777147
http://ash-link.deviantart.com/art/Lavos-36986793
http://sooperkreep.deviantart.com/art/Lavos-New-Chrono-Trigger-126989336
-Kefka (Final Fantasy VI)
http://shingotm.deviantart.com/art/Ecard-FFVI-Everybody-VS-Kefka-100236120
http://darksun45230.deviantart.com/art/Dancing-Kefka-104596444
http://little-foot.deviantart.com/art/Kefka-62339300
Dishonorable Mentions:
-The Crimson King (Stephen King "Dark Tower" series)
-Sephiroth (Final Fantasy VII)
-Altima (Final Fantasy Tactics)
-The Devourer of Time (Chrono Cross)
A few Quotes to Match the Mood of the Night
"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be"
-C.S. Lewis
"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world"
-C.S. Lewis
"God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain but without stain."
-C.S. Lewis
"Doubt is not the opposite of faith; it is one element of faith"
-Paul Tillich
"The courage to be is the courage to accept oneself as accepted in spite of being unacceptable"
-Paul Tillich
"The courage to be is rooted in the God who appears when God has disappeared in the anxiety of doubt."
-Paul Tillich
"Faith is an act of a finite being who is grasped by, and turned to, the infinite."
-Paul Tillich
"In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present."
-Francis Bacon
"The job of the artist is to deepen the mystery."
-Francis Bacon
"If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts: but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties."
-Francis Bacon
"Little do men perceive what solitude is, and how far it extendeth. For a crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of pictures, and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love."
-Francis Bacon
"Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother."
-Kahlil Gibran
"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."
-Kahlil Gibran
"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens."
-Kahlil Gibran
"To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to."
-Kahlil Gibran
"The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you, but what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen not to what he says, but rather to what he does not say."
-Kahlil Gibran
"Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children."
-Kahlil Gibran
"For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one."
-Kahlil Gibran
"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
-Kahlil Gibran
"Much of your pain is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self."
-Kahlil Gibran
"Here undoubtedly lies the chief poetic energy: --in the force of imagination that pierces or exalts the solid fact, instead of floating among cloud-pictures."
-T.S. Elliot
"In my beginning is my end."
-T.S. Elliot
"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."
-T.S. Elliot
"The wide world is all about you; you can fence yourselves in, but you cannot forever fence it out."
-J.R.R. Tolkien
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring; renenwed shall be blade that was broken, the crownless again shall be king."
-J.R.R. Tolkien
"The Road goes ever on and on down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, and I must follow, if I can, pursuing it with eager feet, until it joins some larger way where many paths and errands meet. And whither then? I cannot say."
-J.R.R. Tolkien
"You can only come to the morning through the shadows."
-J.R.R. Tolkien
"Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens."
-J.R.R. Tolkien
"Few can foresee whither their road will lead them, till they come to its end."
-J.R.R. Tolkien
"Life is doubt, And faith without doubt is nothing but death"
-Miguel de Unamuno
"Those who believe that they believe in God, but without passion in their hearts, without anguish in mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe only in the God idea, not God Himself."
-Miguel de Unamuno
"Suffering is the substance of life and the root of personality, for it is only suffering that makes us persons."
-Miguel de Unamuno
"There is no true love save in suffering, and in this world we have to choose either love, which is suffering, or happiness. Man is the more man - that is, the more divine - the greater his capacity for suffering, or rather, for anguish."
-Miguel de Unamuno
"The skeptic does not mean him who doubts, but him who investigates or researches, as opposed to him who asserts and thinks that he has found."
-Miguel de Unamuno
"Faith and doubt both are needed - not as antagonists, but working side by side to take us around the unknown curve."
-Lillian Smith
-C.S. Lewis
"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world"
-C.S. Lewis
"God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain but without stain."
-C.S. Lewis
"Doubt is not the opposite of faith; it is one element of faith"
-Paul Tillich
"The courage to be is the courage to accept oneself as accepted in spite of being unacceptable"
-Paul Tillich
"The courage to be is rooted in the God who appears when God has disappeared in the anxiety of doubt."
-Paul Tillich
"Faith is an act of a finite being who is grasped by, and turned to, the infinite."
-Paul Tillich
"In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present."
-Francis Bacon
"The job of the artist is to deepen the mystery."
-Francis Bacon
"If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts: but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties."
-Francis Bacon
"Little do men perceive what solitude is, and how far it extendeth. For a crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of pictures, and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love."
-Francis Bacon
"Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother."
-Kahlil Gibran
"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."
-Kahlil Gibran
"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens."
-Kahlil Gibran
"To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to."
-Kahlil Gibran
"The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you, but what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen not to what he says, but rather to what he does not say."
-Kahlil Gibran
"Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children."
-Kahlil Gibran
"For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one."
-Kahlil Gibran
"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
-Kahlil Gibran
"Much of your pain is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self."
-Kahlil Gibran
"Here undoubtedly lies the chief poetic energy: --in the force of imagination that pierces or exalts the solid fact, instead of floating among cloud-pictures."
-T.S. Elliot
"In my beginning is my end."
-T.S. Elliot
"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."
-T.S. Elliot
"The wide world is all about you; you can fence yourselves in, but you cannot forever fence it out."
-J.R.R. Tolkien
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring; renenwed shall be blade that was broken, the crownless again shall be king."
-J.R.R. Tolkien
"The Road goes ever on and on down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, and I must follow, if I can, pursuing it with eager feet, until it joins some larger way where many paths and errands meet. And whither then? I cannot say."
-J.R.R. Tolkien
"You can only come to the morning through the shadows."
-J.R.R. Tolkien
"Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens."
-J.R.R. Tolkien
"Few can foresee whither their road will lead them, till they come to its end."
-J.R.R. Tolkien
"Life is doubt, And faith without doubt is nothing but death"
-Miguel de Unamuno
"Those who believe that they believe in God, but without passion in their hearts, without anguish in mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe only in the God idea, not God Himself."
-Miguel de Unamuno
"Suffering is the substance of life and the root of personality, for it is only suffering that makes us persons."
-Miguel de Unamuno
"There is no true love save in suffering, and in this world we have to choose either love, which is suffering, or happiness. Man is the more man - that is, the more divine - the greater his capacity for suffering, or rather, for anguish."
-Miguel de Unamuno
"The skeptic does not mean him who doubts, but him who investigates or researches, as opposed to him who asserts and thinks that he has found."
-Miguel de Unamuno
"Faith and doubt both are needed - not as antagonists, but working side by side to take us around the unknown curve."
-Lillian Smith
Wake Up Dead Man
I can't sleep, can't find rest.
Every time I lay down I'm haunted by You...and the thoughts you sent my mind years ago.
Every time I dream I feel this lightning, this fire inside me rip me asunder.
I see every failure lined up with You
and the feeling of You leaving my side.
If anyone ever wanted to know what Hell was, I don't think it's this fire or burning inside of me...it's the fear, the isolation of feeling like You are no longer in my sight, that I lost everything because I lost You.
That is fear.
Nothing else in this world matters that much anyway.
Not even icing on a proverbial cake, just a waste of breath.
Can I make it plain Jesus?
Heal me or kill me.
It doesn't matter much to me which way You decide.
I'm going to be limping around, trying not to swear at Your people, striking rocks instead of speaking to them, I'm going to fight You over something I never even wanted, I'm going to cry in pain every time You bless me, so seriously, what is it going to be?
Death or life.
Life or death.
Decide for me because until you eradicate me I'm going to push forward.
Call it complaining or ungratefulness but I'm in pain.
I have a pain problem, fancy that?
Every time I lay down I'm haunted by You...and the thoughts you sent my mind years ago.
Every time I dream I feel this lightning, this fire inside me rip me asunder.
I see every failure lined up with You
and the feeling of You leaving my side.
If anyone ever wanted to know what Hell was, I don't think it's this fire or burning inside of me...it's the fear, the isolation of feeling like You are no longer in my sight, that I lost everything because I lost You.
That is fear.
Nothing else in this world matters that much anyway.
Not even icing on a proverbial cake, just a waste of breath.
Can I make it plain Jesus?
Heal me or kill me.
It doesn't matter much to me which way You decide.
I'm going to be limping around, trying not to swear at Your people, striking rocks instead of speaking to them, I'm going to fight You over something I never even wanted, I'm going to cry in pain every time You bless me, so seriously, what is it going to be?
Death or life.
Life or death.
Decide for me because until you eradicate me I'm going to push forward.
Call it complaining or ungratefulness but I'm in pain.
I have a pain problem, fancy that?
Monday, October 5, 2009
As of yet unnamed sprite comic project
Going clockwise from the top:
-Red Mage: Ninten
-White Mage: Emoto
-Warrior: Touri
-Ninja: Setsuken
Quote of the day:
"My plans are *always* practical! It's the laws of physics that get in my way of success!"
-Red Mage, '8-Bit Theater'
-Red Mage, '8-Bit Theater'
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Wow...there are still pictures of me on the University of Mobile's website...rocking my longer hair during that odd freshman semester!
You go young, naive, less angry and angst ridden eighteen year old Matthew!
Don't let the man, finances or the drama destroy you!
http://www.umobile.edu/admissions/default_test.asp
Wait for the picture called "Real life on campus" to pop up on the banner and in the lower right hand corner you will see me in my gray UM Rams shirt.
I forgot about that day...and I didn't realize until then that all those pictures were staged lol...>_<
You go young, naive, less angry and angst ridden eighteen year old Matthew!
Don't let the man, finances or the drama destroy you!
http://www.umobile.edu/admissions/default_test.asp
Wait for the picture called "Real life on campus" to pop up on the banner and in the lower right hand corner you will see me in my gray UM Rams shirt.
I forgot about that day...and I didn't realize until then that all those pictures were staged lol...>_<
"More Than a Man" - Stryper
It's nearly 3AM, I'm still working and have gradually become more and more loopy.
Now is the time to break out the Christian hair metal.
Tim Gaines is one of my bass heroes to boot.
Now is the time to break out the Christian hair metal.
Tim Gaines is one of my bass heroes to boot.
SBC
Someday I too am confused as to how exactly I am Southern Baptist.
Then I remember Dr.Mashburn and recall how if that man asked I would drop everything and charge into Hell blindfolded.
The single best teacher and source of inspiration I have ever had in my short twenty three year old self. And I ended up in his intro to Philosophy class simply because I misread the class abbreviation in the handbook that listed the class requirements.
I absolutely love this article he wrote back for a newspaper in the Mobile area:
http://www.theharbinger.org/articles/plural/christia.html
It is almost a word for word account for his lecture he gives about Christianity in his World Religion class.
I think one of my biggest struggles is trying not to write off other Christians (Southern Baptist or otherwise) as all being fire breathing, extreme fundamental, legalistic loonies that sick to destroy and judge me. It's this sort of attitude that breeds mistrust and destroys cooperation.
Some fundamentals of belief cannot be compromised...but me getting lost in some of the petty things is sad...it's perpetuating that which I am most afraid of.
Ironically enough.
Love God, love others...may seem overly simplified but love, true love can and will change the world. I'm trying to exercise the words liberal and conservative from my vocabulary because most of the time they are just hyperbole used to cause division and fights. It's the whole war rhetoric all over.
Christians aren't to wage a war against the culuture...in a ware you kill people, our job is to show people the live changing message of Christ so that they can know true and absolute freedom from the chains we put ourselves in every day and in so many ways.
The few things I believe in standing for are worth fighting for...but not the kind of fights that are against flesh and blood...but the kind involving a spiritual warfare.
I'm so sick of fighting the air...I want to feel Your love again...be drunk off of it...to just fall in Love once again and get lose in You and share that...show it in my life and then let it overflow.
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm."
-Ephesians 6:12-13
“It is the characteristic excellence of the strong man that he can bring momentous issues to the fore and make a decision about them. The weak are always forced to decide between alternatives they have not chosen themselves.”
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer
"When attempts were later made to speak systematically about God and to describe His nature, men became more talkative. They spoke of God's aseity , His being grounded in Himself; they spoke of God's infinity in space and time, and therefore of God's eternity. And men spoke on the other hand of God's holiness and righteousness, mercifulness and patience. We must be clear that whatever we say of God in such human concepts can never be more than an indication of Him; no such concept can really conceive the nature of God. God is inconceivable."
-Karl Barth
Then I remember Dr.Mashburn and recall how if that man asked I would drop everything and charge into Hell blindfolded.
The single best teacher and source of inspiration I have ever had in my short twenty three year old self. And I ended up in his intro to Philosophy class simply because I misread the class abbreviation in the handbook that listed the class requirements.
I absolutely love this article he wrote back for a newspaper in the Mobile area:
http://www.theharbinger.org/articles/plural/christia.html
It is almost a word for word account for his lecture he gives about Christianity in his World Religion class.
I think one of my biggest struggles is trying not to write off other Christians (Southern Baptist or otherwise) as all being fire breathing, extreme fundamental, legalistic loonies that sick to destroy and judge me. It's this sort of attitude that breeds mistrust and destroys cooperation.
Some fundamentals of belief cannot be compromised...but me getting lost in some of the petty things is sad...it's perpetuating that which I am most afraid of.
Ironically enough.
Love God, love others...may seem overly simplified but love, true love can and will change the world. I'm trying to exercise the words liberal and conservative from my vocabulary because most of the time they are just hyperbole used to cause division and fights. It's the whole war rhetoric all over.
Christians aren't to wage a war against the culuture...in a ware you kill people, our job is to show people the live changing message of Christ so that they can know true and absolute freedom from the chains we put ourselves in every day and in so many ways.
The few things I believe in standing for are worth fighting for...but not the kind of fights that are against flesh and blood...but the kind involving a spiritual warfare.
I'm so sick of fighting the air...I want to feel Your love again...be drunk off of it...to just fall in Love once again and get lose in You and share that...show it in my life and then let it overflow.
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm."
-Ephesians 6:12-13
“It is the characteristic excellence of the strong man that he can bring momentous issues to the fore and make a decision about them. The weak are always forced to decide between alternatives they have not chosen themselves.”
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer
"When attempts were later made to speak systematically about God and to describe His nature, men became more talkative. They spoke of God's aseity , His being grounded in Himself; they spoke of God's infinity in space and time, and therefore of God's eternity. And men spoke on the other hand of God's holiness and righteousness, mercifulness and patience. We must be clear that whatever we say of God in such human concepts can never be more than an indication of Him; no such concept can really conceive the nature of God. God is inconceivable."
-Karl Barth
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
I am being mocked by my laptop.
It booted up windows normally, finally, then it shut itself down without me prompting it and now...it's stuck on the perpetual update that will never update.
Windows Vista - Still hasn't surpassed Windows ME in sucking but goodness...it is almost neck and neck at this point... ~_~
Screw it.
Back to bed.
It booted up windows normally, finally, then it shut itself down without me prompting it and now...it's stuck on the perpetual update that will never update.
Windows Vista - Still hasn't surpassed Windows ME in sucking but goodness...it is almost neck and neck at this point... ~_~
Screw it.
Back to bed.
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